Body & Soul2 mins ago
poor friend
60 Answers
One of my very good friends is coming through a very hard time of poverty. She is having to sell her house to give half to ex-husband but this has been going on for 2 years and the property wont sell. Meantime I listen every single time to her tales of woe of having no money etc etc.
I do try to help out with buying ciggies (if she had not got them she would pull her hair out) anyway my problem is whilst I am comfortable off I feel guilty about her and sometimes I cant shake the guilt away feeling she does not have a way out. There is more to this story re her daughter too - lives with her - who is working all the hours God sends her but having to pay for a loan when she went to college and now a car because her job is so far away - she is getting it hard too. Sometimes I cannot believe it. My heart goes out to her and daughter. She will have money when the house is sold but when will that be.
I do try to help out with buying ciggies (if she had not got them she would pull her hair out) anyway my problem is whilst I am comfortable off I feel guilty about her and sometimes I cant shake the guilt away feeling she does not have a way out. There is more to this story re her daughter too - lives with her - who is working all the hours God sends her but having to pay for a loan when she went to college and now a car because her job is so far away - she is getting it hard too. Sometimes I cannot believe it. My heart goes out to her and daughter. She will have money when the house is sold but when will that be.
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Having been pretty much in your friends position, all I can say is be there for her. You have no reason to feel guilty and your friend would not want you feeling that way, you are not responsible for her situation, and the most important thing you can give her is emotional support and company. She'll get through this, and having a friend by her side will make it so much easier for her. I had friends who couldn't be bothered giving me their time, but thought paying for things for me occassionally would ease their consciences - all it did was make me feel like a pain and a charity case. The friends who couldn't afford to help me out, but were willing to spend time with me and listen to my woes are the ones who really helped, and who are still my friends today. Your friend still has her pride, and once she gets through this she will also have the satisfaction of being able to look back and say 'I managed'. Just be her friend.
b ollocks moonshine......I helped a friend out financially a few years ago and that included buying her cigarettes.........she is now back on her feet, is holding down a decent job, and now she is in a less stressful situation she has managed to stop smoking. I leant her quite large amounts of money which she has now paid back...I was glad to help as to be quite honest the amount of money meant nothing to me but everything to her.......don't knock people when they're down......
Connemmara ...
I know what you mean.
People can be "struggling" without actually living in a shop doorway.
As for the cigarettes ...
I'm not a smoker, but I have a pal who smokes, and who's going through a bit of a rough patch. We're going to the pub a lot at the mo, and I stand outside with her, freezing my t!ts off, because smoking helps her feel better ... so I have every sympathy for smokers.
The difficulty with "helping people out" is not embarrassing people. I'm lucky enough to earn more than I really need (or deserve), and I have no family to drain my money, but it's still difficult to pay for other people's stuff (you don't like to suggest that "I can afford it, and you can't" do you!)
Ways around it ...
You can say that you found this really great [whatever] and got a good deal on it, so I got some for you too.
You're a really good pal. Can I take you out for a meal - it's on me.
Etc.
Her problem is ... although she will have money when she sells the house ... she won't have a house!
I know what you mean.
People can be "struggling" without actually living in a shop doorway.
As for the cigarettes ...
I'm not a smoker, but I have a pal who smokes, and who's going through a bit of a rough patch. We're going to the pub a lot at the mo, and I stand outside with her, freezing my t!ts off, because smoking helps her feel better ... so I have every sympathy for smokers.
The difficulty with "helping people out" is not embarrassing people. I'm lucky enough to earn more than I really need (or deserve), and I have no family to drain my money, but it's still difficult to pay for other people's stuff (you don't like to suggest that "I can afford it, and you can't" do you!)
Ways around it ...
You can say that you found this really great [whatever] and got a good deal on it, so I got some for you too.
You're a really good pal. Can I take you out for a meal - it's on me.
Etc.
Her problem is ... although she will have money when she sells the house ... she won't have a house!
