ChatterBank0 min ago
How should I tackle this dilemma?
22 Answers
Hi
I’m 48 years old, and single with no children (reasons will become clearer). Some 15 years ago I ended my relationship with my long-term boyfriend because he didn’t want to have children, and I did. Since then I flitted from one relationship to another but never really found anyone special to settle down with. Last year I contacted my ex-boyfriend via a networking site. He’s now living in Canada and is happily settled there (when I say settled, I mean that he has a good job, earning a decent wage, has a nice home, and a great social life – he is still single). I’ve been to visit him 3 times and he’s been over to see me. We have kind of touched upon our feelings for each other, but generally I tend to avoid discussing our feelings, because once our true feelings are out in the open, I feel that a decision would have to be made as to what direction our relationship should take. I know he would never return to the UK permanently, so it would be up to me to go and live in Canada. Though part of me would love to be with him on a more permanent basis, I feel really uneasy about leaving my family behind. Well, actually, my family only consists of my sister, who I love dearly, and am very close to. My sister is in her 40’s and is also still single. She doesn’t have a wide circle of friends, and her social life basically revolves around me. I know she would miss me alot if I moved to Canada, and I would feel very bad about that. I’m in limbo at the moment and don’t know what to do for the best. I realise that I have to make my own decisions but any thoughts would be much appreciated.
I’m 48 years old, and single with no children (reasons will become clearer). Some 15 years ago I ended my relationship with my long-term boyfriend because he didn’t want to have children, and I did. Since then I flitted from one relationship to another but never really found anyone special to settle down with. Last year I contacted my ex-boyfriend via a networking site. He’s now living in Canada and is happily settled there (when I say settled, I mean that he has a good job, earning a decent wage, has a nice home, and a great social life – he is still single). I’ve been to visit him 3 times and he’s been over to see me. We have kind of touched upon our feelings for each other, but generally I tend to avoid discussing our feelings, because once our true feelings are out in the open, I feel that a decision would have to be made as to what direction our relationship should take. I know he would never return to the UK permanently, so it would be up to me to go and live in Canada. Though part of me would love to be with him on a more permanent basis, I feel really uneasy about leaving my family behind. Well, actually, my family only consists of my sister, who I love dearly, and am very close to. My sister is in her 40’s and is also still single. She doesn’t have a wide circle of friends, and her social life basically revolves around me. I know she would miss me alot if I moved to Canada, and I would feel very bad about that. I’m in limbo at the moment and don’t know what to do for the best. I realise that I have to make my own decisions but any thoughts would be much appreciated.
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Have you decided where you stand on children yet? You may well have decided that your time has passed, but given that it was a stumbling block before, maybe you need to be clear in your own mind exactly how you feel now.
Also, as has already been said, you may well find he doesn't feel quite the same way (has he returned any of your visits?). It looks to me as if there's still quite a lot of ground clearance to be done before you start planting a garden.
As for your sister... yes, you're not responsible for her. You're entitled to put your own needs first. But I wouldn't go making any irrevocable decisions for a while yet.
Also, as has already been said, you may well find he doesn't feel quite the same way (has he returned any of your visits?). It looks to me as if there's still quite a lot of ground clearance to be done before you start planting a garden.
As for your sister... yes, you're not responsible for her. You're entitled to put your own needs first. But I wouldn't go making any irrevocable decisions for a while yet.
I very much doubt that I'll be able to conceive now, and I'm fine about that. It would have been great to have children but I don't bear any resentment or grudges.
He came over last year, and is due to come over again in a few weeks time. He has actually tried to initiate a talk about our plans before, but I kind of stopped him in his tracks, as I was still unsure of my own feelings then, and was scared of making a decision. And he has also said that he "would look after me" if I were to go over there - which is another bug bear as I probably wouldn't be able to get a job out there. Saying that, I still don't actually know his true feelings. Oooo I do have alot to think about, but at least my head is clearer. And all the worries about my sister have probably been unfounded - I think it was just another excuse not to make a decision.
Hey guys I feel as though I'm having a counselling session! You've all helped me to put things into perspective - many thanks for all you input.
He came over last year, and is due to come over again in a few weeks time. He has actually tried to initiate a talk about our plans before, but I kind of stopped him in his tracks, as I was still unsure of my own feelings then, and was scared of making a decision. And he has also said that he "would look after me" if I were to go over there - which is another bug bear as I probably wouldn't be able to get a job out there. Saying that, I still don't actually know his true feelings. Oooo I do have alot to think about, but at least my head is clearer. And all the worries about my sister have probably been unfounded - I think it was just another excuse not to make a decision.
Hey guys I feel as though I'm having a counselling session! You've all helped me to put things into perspective - many thanks for all you input.
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