I want a baby but he doesn't

[Nay35]

I have been with my boyfriend a year and 4 months and I fell pregnant back in September, I found out when he was in Hawaii with his mates. I told him when he got back and he said he didn't want it. After a lot of discussions we decided for me to have an abortion, which now I regret, but it was the wrong time because he is studying to be a tax accountant and the baby wouldve been due right around the time of his exams. Since then it has been on my mind lately and we have had many arguments about it cos he keeps saying he doesn't want kids for the foreseable future. He is 28 in April and I turn 35 this year and feel that my bodyclock is ticking. I have a huge decision to make, do I stay with him knowing that I will probably not have any more kids or do I ask him to leave and hope to find someone else. I do love my boyfriend more than life which makes this descision so difficult.

[sara3]

if you love him more than life, you won't look elsewhere to satisfy your maternal needs.

no one else can answer this for you and it's not easy, but it's different for men. I wish you luck x

[4getmenot]

no one can tell you what the best choice should be but can I ask were you using protection? because if your bloke does not want kids he should wear a condom. I can say though I know someone who was in your shoes and left her husband and now has two children. Hope you can make the choice no matter how difficult. You have mentioned you stay with him and dont have kids or leave and dont find anyone, but what if he leaves you and its too late.

[sara3]

doc, that's not fair. she said "we decided".

[cherrychapstick]

i agree with doc although if you do love him why do you need a child to prove it ?


how many other children do you have?

[Panic Button]

Doc's right.

If he was prepared to pressurise you to do that, he will never be a suitable father for your children.

[4getmenot]

if he didnt ever want kids he shouldnt have ever let it get to that decision in first place. Its not just up to the woman to sort contraceptives

[caslass]

Think about what YOU want. If you really want children can you live your life without them.

[society]

What's done is done; if you want kids then move on.

[tamborine]

agree with doc - he has no respect for you.....he's selfish with an ego bigger than




his self ;)

[Nay35]

Thanks guys for you views, I have a 7 year old from a previous marriage and my BF is absolutely brilliant with him and I don't understand why he doesn't want kids he is a brilliant dad. He is younger than me and maybe he is just not ready for kids yet, maybe in a year or so he will be.

[jno]

maybe - or maybe he will be be in 5-10 years, by which time your clock will really have its alarm going off. This is going to be a tough decision, and only you can make it. But there's at least a chance you'll never have a child with him. You need to sit down and have a hard talk about this. And at some stage you may have to choose: boy or baby.

[Canary42]

You gave in to save his precious tax exams, now it's his turn to make the concession and go ahead with a child. If he doesn't then I agree with most of the posters, dump him as he doesn't love you, he just "enjoys" the convenience you provide.

[Nay35]

There is no guarantee either way. If I stay and he never comes round to the idea of kids or if I leave I may not find some one that I love as much as him. I don't want just anyones I want my boyfriend's kids. Maybe I should just be happy with what I already have. I have a beautiful little 7 yr old boy. Maybe I should be thankful for him.

[cherrychapstick]

i think if you love him then stand by his decision for the moment.....but tell him if he doesn't want children that it is his responsibility to use protection!! let him know if you do fall pregnant again you will not be having an abortion ,my ex asked me to have one when i fell pregnant,there was no chance of me doing this we had been together 4 years but he had 3 children already and wanted no more ,i was on the pill ,with my second i had the coil he asked again and was told no chance ,after i had my son i told him if he didnt want anymore he would have to get the snip which he refused because he was too chicken ,i ended up getting it done to save any hassle (worst mistake of my life) i always hated him for it as i never wanted to then we split up after 11 years he is now free to have more children and i can't !! so find out if he ever intends to have any if not take it from there ,if you feel the way about the abortion as i did about being sterilised i really feel for you ,what you really have to think about seriously is does this guy make you happy ...could you live with this guy forever knowing you may never have any children with him

[Nay35]

Other than the kid issue our relationship is great, Sex is fantastic and we get along and have a laugh together.

[cherrychapstick]

that seems a good start....by the sound of it you have more pros than cons ,i wish you all the luck and happiness in what ever you decide to do xx

[Nay35]

I have told him that if it happens again I am not going through the trauma of an abortion again. He did say the only way he would have kids was if I came off the pill and not told him about it, but I cant do that its too deceptive. I was on the pill and took it every day without fail and still fell pregnant.

[Nay35]

Thanks cherrychapstick. I will do a list of pros and cons so I have it down on paper. He is away this weekend so I have time to have a proper think about it all and he will have a chance to talk to his friends about it. I think he is expecting an answer when he gets back.