Lies....

[tina1981]

Ive been with my boyfriend for 7 month now, he is hard working kind and caring towads me, briliant with my family, and we have lots in common, your probably thinking he sounds like quite a catch :) However..... ive noticed over the months he has a problem with exaggerating things, im not sure if its right to class this as lieing but his behaviour has ended up on a few occasions now upseting both me and various others close to me.
For example hes always full of promises, some things that arnt so important but others that are, for example he will tell me hes booked a wkend break away in a few month talk in depth about it appear very excited but then nothing will be come of it and its like weve never had the conversation, this is an example of the less important . Another example of his behaviour is he lead my sister who is struggling for hours at work to believe he wants to start a new business venture with her, my sister obviously very excited by this gets her hopes up starts tryng to plan things only to find days after hes almost wiped the conversation from his mind and presents her with a negative attitude when she speaks to him about it, but then hours later speaks to me like he still wants to carry on working on the venture?? I find this highly thoughtless towards my sister and it makes me angry that he doesnt realise what he says affects other people.

i understand that its not always possible to keep promises but their broken so much its hard to give him the benefit of the doubt.. I fee like im having to take everything he says with a pinch of salt..

Theirs only so much of a blind eye i can turn to this now, im now finding im losing the respect hes earned for the good things hes done, what can i say to him to sort it out because i cant be with someone who talks crap , advice appreciated.. xx

[woofgang]

I have met and been friendly with people like this but never been in a relationship with one. I would say that you have two choices...the first is to walk now.
The second is to sit down and calmly and objectively discuss one or two incidents, make sure they are recent and provable ie not conversations you have had when the two of you were alone, tell him how much his behaviour hurts you and see what he says.
You may be able to get him to understand and moderate his behaviour (how old is he btw?) but he will have to be really motivated to do this and tbh he may not be....seven months isn't that long.
Me? I'd walk, that kind of behaviour in my book is a deal breaker, better to leave now than later

[karenmac60]

I wouldn't say he's lying or even exagerrating - he just sounds like he gets caught up in an idea and gets carried away with talking about it but then reality hits and it's not such a good idea after all. I dunno how I'd feel about going out with someone who did that mind you, but if you want things to work out then you should just keep in mind that he gets over enthusiastic about flash in the pan ideas but it won't last.

[tina1981]

he is 30, thier was an occasion a couple of wks ago i spoke to him about his behaviour, a grandparent im extremely close to was diagnosed with terminal cancer so understandably i was distraught, my boyfriends responce was that he knows how i feel because his friend was killed the previous wk in an accident ( a friend he had not heard from in 7 years) and it had been such an awful wk for him to. It just made me so angry that he could compare my situation to his and almost turn my hour of need in to an hour for him, altho he claimed i was looking in to things far to much i felt it was selfish and that infact he didnt undestand my needs at all. Which again leads me to take everything he says with a pinch of salt... Most confusingly apart from this negative side of his personality im complaining about he is the most doating boyfriend in the world

[H-S]

If I was you I'd talk to him about it and tell him honestly why his behavious is troubling you. Then that you don't want this to cause problems for you both but if it carries on you can can see this turning into a major issue because it is already changing your feelings/opinion of him. Give him a chance to make the changes and if it continues then you have to decide whether you can live with it or if it's better to walk away. But at least by then you've made him aware and given him a chance.

[ummmm]

I was in a relationship with someone like this....no amount of talking made a difference.

[coccinelle]

I know a few people like this; all Geminis! is he a Gemini? The idea of doing things is more exciting than actually doing it in their eyes, once they've gone into it a while the excitement wears off. They're usually people who have lots going on at the same time but nothing really concrete. Seeing you upset about your grandparent and comparing it to his 'loss' of a friend wasn't tackful but probably his way of showing he could understand. Losing someone your own age you know or have known especially when you're still young comes as a blow as we realise that anything can happen no matter what age. One person I know will say what their plans are for the day but not do them I think they're people who should think before they speak.

[maplestar]

Is he aware that he is doing it and that his exaggerations are so upsetting?

[happyone2]

I know you know that your intuition is telling you to run away.......and you should ...............very very quickly ............


the old adage is correct.........you will not, can not change him, he is either ill, a fantaist or something you really dont want to get into.

Because you are not being melodramatic i believe you are correct and why im saying leave now

[northernmonkey]

I don't think nothing you could say would be able to change him. Your bf claiming to know how you feel about your grandparent passing away, displays selfish and arrogant behaviour which sums him up and you are without doubt, a 10x better person than he could ever be!! (My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult loss)

Walk away from him.

[Androcles]

He is just trying to say to people what he thinks they will want to hear, and then forgets what he has said. Doubt he will change if he is 30. If you can't live with it, and its sounds like you can't, follow the advice you have from others on here and walk.

[tina1981]

he is an aquarius, at the start of the year i spoke to him about his behaviour, i told him that i found i difficult sometimes to gage what the true story was because of the way in which he worded things, i described it as exaggerating, he said he would try and think about what he said before speaking in future.

[woofgang]

and has he changed???

[cherrychapstick]

tbh with you the things you wrote and the beginning of your post are untrue


caring towards me, brilliant with my family, and we have lots in common, your probably thinking he sounds like quite a catch

he will tell me he has booked a weekend break away in a few month talk in depth about it appear very excited but then nothing will be come of it .............not very caring getting your hopes up just to crush them :(

Another example of his behaviour is he lead my sister who is struggling for hours at work to believe he wants to start a new business venture with her, my sister obviously very excited by this gets her hopes up..............not very nice with your family either is he


sorry but you have been with this guy 7 months i think it's time for a break ,sorry if you don't want to hear that but thats my opinion good luck think you need it x

[SemperVeritas]

To Every one firstly, Hello! this is my first of mainy posts to come.

tina1981:- Firstly, please be aware that although anyone can give advice on matters of the heart but mostly that adviced will have been shaped by personal experiances.
These experiances will have been between two (or sometimes more) other people with completely different lifestyles, financial situations etc etc..
So, these people will not only be bias in their opinions but you must also understand that these people are not you or the person that you are with.

My advice is, it is down to you to decide if this person is going to be compatible with you and your family, if you truely love this person and want a life with them. If the answer to these is yes then start calling him up on ALL of the promises. I suspect that very soon his frequency of promises will dramatically diminish.

When he talks of a week-end away, pursue it with him, look at how much it will cost, how you will get there etc and start actually planning it together.

If after all of this you still feel like the situation hasn't improved then take a serious look at whether this really is the right huy for you.

[SemperVeritas]

^^ Grrr... typos.... could really do with an edit button... not the best start eh? lol