does therapy work?

[debsly]

my partner and i are going through a rough patch.he cheated on me about 6/8 weeks ago (think it was just sex texts and flirting) dont think they slept together cos of time and oppertunity but maybe given the chance he would of eventually.we love each other to bits ( i know that sounds weird after previous statement)but i think he has a problem with flirting and then it going to far.he always looks at other women when we are out but insists he's not but its so obvious.he will stare at them untill he catches their eye and then just keep looking at them.ive told him i find this disrespectfull and hurtfull but he still denies hes doing it! he always sees things as the negative side and i think he is expecting me to leave him cos im 18 years younger than him but i don t want anyone else.we have a good time together and get on really well but his behavour is ruining things.please help x

[woofgang]

debsly this is only my opinion but that doesn't need therapy. What he is doing is plain bad manners. I am assuming that at very least he is in his mid thirties and poss older and if he hasn't changed so far, knows it hurts you and still does it then he ain't worth the anguish.

For the sex texts and flirting i would turn his phone on, get him to grasp his ankles firmly and insert the phone where the sun don't shine....you are worth better!

[debsly]

thanks woolfgang that made me smile.i really do believe he needs some psycotherapy of some sort and i think i need it too maybe couples therapy would help?just before i found out about the texts he asked me to marry him!i was very happy till it all came crashing down whats that all about then?

[woofgang]

what its all about is he is a git who likes his bread buttered on both sides (just my opinion you understand)
I do know a bit about the next bit
Her's an old joke
How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
answer: only one but the lightbulb has to want to change.....
If he is denying doing it, do you think he wants to change?
If you have told him you find it rude and hurtful and he still does it, how will a couples therapist help?
Has he shown any respect for your feelings?
and why should he change....he's got you, mobile sex, a little ogling and flirting when he feels like it...what REASON does he have to change?
sorry, just my opinion

[cazzz1975]

problem is if one of these women made it known she was interested then do you think he would go further? do you think he only stops at flirting because he hasnt had the opportunity to take things on a step?

I know you love him but in my opinion he is an opportunist, one day he may get the chance to do it..

[chokkie]

Therapy only works if both partners want it to. Has he told you he loves you? Don't think he does you if he's cheating on you. I'd go absolutely bonkers and ditch him. Even if you love him, as you say.

[Sqad]

Therapy? What therapy? For him or for you?. Flirting is a natural biological phenomenon common to many men and women.
Learn to live with this or let him go.

[joeluke]

Therapy will not cure a mans roving eye

I should know because I've got one (well two actually)

[woofgang]

you are right sqad but if one person in the relationship doesn't like it and the other person won't stop, what does that say about the viability or the relationship?

[craft1948]

When you met him was he with someone else?

[happyone2]

i started chatting to a chap who was very flirty, but he was very flirty with all woman................ so, i asked him if he meant his comments seriously................. did he really want to take me to see his etchings ( sort of thing ) or was he just being incredilby flirty to sell more of his product.

i think it shocked him that someone actually asked !!

Anyway he said he was interested, but it might upset his wife.....................anyway he did let me see his etchings ( so to speak ) but then felt incredibly guilty and so having pointed out to him it was better not to get involved with someone if you didnt mean it, he backed off............................

My point as already made, is he will only do something if he finds someone who reciprocates and expresses an interest back, he might then feel guilty and stop because he loves you really - even asking you to marry him...............the question is would you really want someone who will do this ????

life is weird !

[andy-hughes]

As advised, therapy will work if he wants it to work.

It's a long way from a cosy chat about flirting. A professional therapist will fillet his subconcious like a fishmonger fillets a plaice. They will back him into emotional corners, and make him face his behaviour. it is not pleasant, and to go through it, he eeds to be really sure he has a problem, and he wants to stop.

I think your partner is taking you for granted. His behaviour is juvenile and disrespectful - even more so because you have pointed out that you are hurt by it, and he continues.

You need to have a serious talk about your future together, including the fact that if his infantile selfishness continues, there won't be a future for you as a couple.