pregnancy after one night stand

[dwlondon1982]

i am a 29 year old man that recently had unprotected sex after a drunken one night stand and have found out the girl is pregnant. she has decided to go through with the pregnancy deciding that i should pay for the childs upbringing, she does not work and her whole family are on benefits with no way of supporting a new child, i am in a steady relationship and do not want to be a father to this child or have anything to do with the mother. i dont expect her to abort the pregnancy but surely i cant be forced to pay for a child under these circumstances, is there any way i can avoid this legally. before i get told off, i understand that i should have used protection and that i have myself to blame, i just need a little advice.

[NazNomad]

I've had too much to drink tonight, but I'm not about to go on a sh@gfest with strangers ... or indeed, myself.

[pastafreak]

starbuck and ummmm...most wouldn't go to bed with a stranger,but there are girls who will...especially after a load of drink. Unfortunately,dw now has to pay the price....IF this person is telling the truth.

[ummmm]

And rightly so. If this story is true a woman with the same morals as dw will have to bring up a child for the next 16 years.

If it's something I didn't want I'd rather bung the Mother 30quid a week than have the responsibility of day to day life of child rearing...

[hasbeen2]

as i said previously this is a windup doesnt sound right for his first post on here.

[dwlondon1982]

thank you pastafreak, unfortunately i have little doubt that the child is mine but i can hope, i just think if you cant afford to bring a child up and are on your own then you shouldnt expect to live on benefits and expect me to pay for it all

[dwlondon1982]

hasbeen2 this isnt a windup, i joined this website specifically to get some advice if i was going to do a windup i would have come up with something a bit better than this, im really going through this and dont know what to do.

[ummmm]

The only thing you can do is deny being the father. But whether any decent human being can do that....not sure.

[JonnyBoy12]

Well, you ladies would not have sex with strangers then? That is okay as we are all friends here together in AB, and we all know each other well enough. I feel that as a responsible sterilized male I should say something about a way of avoiding all this. It is called a vasectomy, more commonly called The Snip. I had this done in November 2002, and guess what? I was not in agony for ages, and the human race has not died out as a result of this (would this be a bad thing)? Men can get this done for free on the NHS if you are married and have a million kids, but I just had to work through fire for this. Sites listed below:

http://www.bpas.org

www.mariestopes.org.uk

[muchlovex]

Hi dwlondon1982.

I think in this situation you need to find out whether the child is indeed yours. If the baby is yours then you may also need to come clean with your GF, as she'll probably find out in the end. I don't think it would go down too well with her though.

When the baby is born take a paternity test.

[Prudie]

What's done is done, I'm sure you don't need to be told the error you've made. Legally yes you are expected to support the child (and I believe lots of girls go ahead with pregnancies in these circumstances). You can either agree to pay her something or ignore it and wait for the CSA to catch up with you.

[sara3]

your child, you pay.

and whenthe child comes along, do try to have a bit of compassion for him/her. they will be your flesh and blood, and would benefit from having a decent father on the scene.

perhaps you could sway them away from the benefits culture as they grow up.

[Purple_Popple]

get yourself a good solicitor, this could turn ugly...be careful, but first you must determine WHO is the father of this unborn child...there are 3 sides to every story - yours, theirs and the truth. If it is your child you are legally obliged to pay a certain amount towards its care (to be decided between you, the mother to be and the courts).

[arwyn]

What about S.T.D's did you pass anything on to you'r Girlfriend???

[beso]

There is just one way you can avoid having to pay maintenance to your child's mother. Go for custody yourself.

You might have been in a steady relationship before but it won't be now. Unless your girlfriend is a fool she will dump you for the infidelity, the dishonesty, the careless attitude to her health and the extra responsibility you have for another child. For her sake I do hope you have not passed on any STDs. The right thing to do is to tell her the truth now so she can get on with her life.

Then make sure you tell any subsequent interests that you have this responsibility as early as possible. A lot of them will move on because they don't want the complication or they figure you are unreliable. However withholding something like until the relationship gets serious will see them out the door for the lack of openness.

You have closed the door on a lot of possibilities but there is no use feeling sorry for yourself. Get used to your new life and try to find the positives.

[jackles]

you re going to pay for the next 16 yrs.and if my partner is any thing to go by you will get hammered.

[NOX]

You might want to start with being a bit more respectful of the woman carrying your child because at the moment you're making her and her whole family sound like something that might have crawled out from under a rock. YOU had sex with her quite voluntarily, YOU got her pregnant and yet you have the sheer blind temerity to feel annoyed when SHE makes some decisions (possibly based on her own moral code and not simply money) and decides to go ahead with her pregnancy? I'm not surprised she's insisting that you pay for the child if it's indeed yours- she is at least facing the situation head on and not trying to duck and dive her way out of things. Bringing up a child is a lot more hard work than the £100 per week or so you'll be paying, so count yourself lucky. If she's good enough to sleep with my friend, then she's good enough to treat like a human being- so get used to your responsibilities and man up a bit and hope your girlfriend doesn't leave you.

[anneasquith]

id be interested to know what you girlfriend has to say ??????

[beso]

Since you did this while drunk perhaps you could save your relationship by telling your girlfriend that you will never drink again.

Besides, you will have to cut back on expenses somewhere to pay for your child's upkeep.

[anneasquith]

if nothing else tonight take heed of advice given by nox................

[lotsafun]

sorry but you have to take this as a lesson learnt. That 5 minute fumble is gonna cost you big time. Suck it up buddy, your gonna be a dad regardless now and legally you have a obligation to support it.