I've always been very sensitive to criticism, even when it's not directed at me personally - is there any technique for dealing with it

asks rtell:
A. Most people feel free to criticise those around them - their friends, family, colleagues, even complete strangers. The amount of harm this criticism can cause depends on your individual response to it and the value you place on that criticism.

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Q. Why do some people seem impervious to criticism
A. It's all to do with your self-esteem. If you believe that everyone else is right and you're wrong, then you will take any criticism seriously and always doubt yourself. Whereas, if you have a very strong belief in yourself, you might dismiss any criticism directed at you, but not learn anything in the process. Most people fall somewhere in the middle.

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Q. What is self-esteem
A. It's generally agreed that self-esteem is the ability to appreciate your own worth, and to believe in your own abilities and your own judgement so that you don't need to be accountable to others.

Self-esteem isn't something other people can give you.

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Q. How can I build my self-esteem
A. Having a family who believes in you and your abilities is seen as one of the biggest factors in determining whether a person will have high self-esteem.

To build up your own self-esteem, you can start to believe in your ability to make decisions and stop doing what you think other people want you to do.

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Q. Why is it important to have high self-esteem
A. Many experts believe that high self-esteem helps you get through the hard times: the rejections and disappointments of everyday life are cushioned by the belief that we can get over the setbacks.

People with high self-esteem are also less likely to abuse alcohol and drugs, or get involved in violence and crime.

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To overcome the stress that criticism causes:

• Think about the positive side of the criticism (what it might achieve) - rather that the negative side (it shows up your weak points).
• Don't respond immediately being criticised. Ignore the feelings of anger or panic, take a deep breath and think about what has been said, and then respond to it.
• Don't see criticism about one specific aspect as criticism about you as a person. Just see it as something that happened as a particular time - everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

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Build your self-confidence
Here are some tips from www.self-confidence.co.uk:

• Find three things that make you feel good - such as a piece of music, a holiday souvenir, or a photo of someone you love - and practise thinking about them. Emotions 'attach' themselves to memories, and you'll quickly train yourself to feel good when you want.
• When you start to feel self-conscious, look at an object near you and study it in detail to keep attention off yourself.
• Realise that just because you feel under-confident, doesn't mean other people can tell.

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By Sheena Miller