What's the best way to say you're sorry

asks PDTV:

A. If you're dealing with a friend, the best thing to do is simply say you're sorry - just don't make it conditional.

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Q. What do you mean - conditional
A. Just�apologise for whatever it is you're sorry for - as in, 'I'm sorry I stole your boyfriend' and not 'I'm sorry if I stole your boyfriend.'

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Slipping an 'if' word into your apology implies that it is the other person's fault for reacting so unreasonably.

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Q. What if you feel that it is partly their own fault
A. It may be, but if you feel you have to apologise for something, then you should do it properly and not use it as a chance to have a dig.

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Q. What if I say, 'I'm sorry if I upset you by stealing your boyfriend'
A. That's even worse because it only means that you're sorry about the upset but not about stealing the boyfriend.

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Q. Well, if I have to say sorry, but I'm not really sorry and I want to have a bit of a go at the same time
A. That's what's known as the poisoned apology. That would go something like, 'I'm sorry that stealing your boyfriend made you cry for a week. But it's not as if he was serious about you or anything.'

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Q. Ooh, nasty! What if the mistake is more serious - at work, for example
A. This calls for the pre-emptive apology - get in first to show that you are responsible and, therefore, usually mistake-free. Follow it up immediately with a written apology.

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The very worst thing you can do in this case is sit at your desk with your head buried in paperwork and hope that no-one notices you.

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Q. Is there ever a bad time to apologise
A. Oh yes: when the person you are apologising to is still furious. You'll just have it all thrown back in your face - with extras - and then you may get angry too.

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Avoid this at all costs. People say things they don't mean when they're angry, but they may be very hurtful and hard to retract later.

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Do you have a tip about apologising Post it here

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By Sheena Miller