how can i stop my partner from spending?

[fatbjork]

he seems to have a compulsion for shopping for things we do not need - or already have.  The house is getting fuller and fuller with redundant items: he's carrying a larage debt but seems really unconcerned.  It's affecting my health!  what shall i do?

[PlainJane]

A spendthrift with huge debts who makes you ill?
Bin him.

[stevie21]

If he cares as much about you as you seem to about him then he should be persuaded to change. Maybe he needs to realise how stressed you feel about it, or maybe he needs a short sharp shock (get a grip or you're on your own with all of this debt, all to yourself).

Who knows, but it's too easy for me to just say "ditch him" which I'm very tempted to do without factoring in your relationship. Ultimately he has to change and if not, you need to draw the line somewhere.

[Scarlett]

This must be such a common problem. He needs to first of all understand how much this is upsetting you and making you ill. Explain it to him clearly.Then set about putting things right. You could consolidate your debts and cut up your credit cards. Or you could write to your lenders and explain the problem, and ask to pay a nominal fee per month, and the interest to be frozen while you get back on your feet. Then make a budget which includes some spending money for him per week, which he has in cash. (No cards). When he has spent it, that is all he gets until the following week. Sell any items you don't use- on Ebay- and use the money to pay your debts.

If he is not willing to try this new system in order to make your life together happier and less stressful, then I would go with the above advice- bin him!! He can then go and spiral out of control on his own, but at least you will be able to sleep easy!

[fatbjork]

Thanks all, i'll try a bit of all three. x