wedding

[dilligaf]

Have been invited to a wedding in southern Ireland. It's my wifes niece who doesnt normaly bother with us. She lives in London and getting married to an Aussie. Nice bloke.
Her dad has pots and she is getting married in a Castle which has been converted into a hotel . Have to buy a frock for the misses and suit for myself. Ferry to Ireland and back �350 pounds+. To stay at the hotel 120 euros per person per night, two night stay. All relatives in Ireland are giving a gift of 500 euroes.
I am just the run of the mill guy, semi retired, can pay my bills, just about. Do any of you think this is OTT. Will welcome your comments and advice or do you think I am being a bit tight?

[jocasta]

No, you're not being tight. These days people spend so much on their weddings, but so do the people that attend them. Personally I would convince your wife no to go, send them �20 voucher and treat your wife to a weekend away somewhere else. good luck!

[dilligaf]

Jocaster. Thanks for that, will try but I dont think I will get away with it. I am prepared to go a bit further than the toaster or iron as a pressy but as I mentioned earlier I think what is expected is a bit too much.
As far as a weekend away is concerned can I start a new question? . Living in London and possibly moving out very soon (on retirement) we have been taking weekends away in the Lake district, Yorkshire, Norfolk, Devon and Cornwall. So far Devon and Cornwall have scored most points, however there are many hills, dont know if I could manage them in later life. Anyone out there have any suggestions? Quiet friendly place, clean air (away from London) preferably English speaking neighbours and a few good pubs. Will appreciate your commments. Will be looking around once this b****y wedding is over. And providing I have enough money left.

[jocasta]

try the question on People and Places - my suggestionis Norfolk, nice and flat, Norfolk broads, quiet, peaceful, nr the coast and some areas have quite cheap housing.

[twiglet4frog]

Make your excuses as to why u cant attend and then send a card with an apology that u cant be there and a nice gift or vouchers or even a cheque. Even a �100 cheque is a lot cheaper than what u are expected to pay. And the chances are that if she isnt that in touch with u normally then she wont even bat much of an eyelid if u arent there!

[WendyS]

I agree with Twiglet4frog.  The chances are that with the manners of many young people you won't even get a "thank you" letter for your gift and then you'll feel even more aggrieved about the expense of it all.   Spend the money on the people who are important in your life,  i.e. your wife. 

[Huldrekat]

I think that having any 'set price' on an expected gift is definitely OTT. I've been to a few weddings this year, at a time in my life when I've been the most financially challenged since I was a student. In each case the happy couple completely understood that weddings can be expensive for guests too, particularly those coming from a distance. I did feel mean with the presents I bought and would have liked to spend more, but each couple thanked me the same as everyone else and certainly didn't make me feel cheap.

If I were you, I would go to the wedding but spend less on the gift. I think most couples, if they're nice, would be happy with that. I think that on the Big Day, the most important thing to to the bride and groom is to have all their friends and family with them. The presents are an added bonus. And if they can't be gracious about that, well, they're the selfish gits, not you.

[flump1]

Hi dilligaf  hope you enjoy the forthcoming nuptials. Sounds like it is an expensive do !!   If you are wondering whether it is acceptable to break from the crowd regarding a gift, of course it is !!!  I jolly well would looking at your figures!! It should be enough that you attend, however if you wanted to make a gesture  an unusual present may fit the bill. Keep it simple and I am sure it will be appreciated . No and you are not 'tight' in the least. Each to their own.

[dilligaf]

Thanks to all of you. Its wonderful to have your support and realise I am not being cantankerous about this wedding. It will all probably go ahead as planned but I must say I feel better for your support.
I am a relatively newcomer to the site and have never rated the answers I have received. Probably will as I get more used to it. You all deserve three stars exxept In Av Pickle who my wife would like to award an extra star for his flattering comments.
Once again thank you all.

[brandyman14]

A bit late replying to this, but I agree with the general consensus. Send a card and a smaller gift, and take the missus away somewhere romantic, like Paris or Rome.

[dilligaf]

Thanks BRANDYMAN14
Resigned myself to the fact I shall be going. It's awfull what one has tp go through to try and "keep up appearances" with all the in laws. Just very reassuring that I was not being just a "grumpy old man"

Once bitten twice shy, next time will follow your suggestion especially as the wife has always wanted to visit Paris.
Love the name brandyman, would suit me, always liked a drop or two of Martell

[FireStarter]

Hhhmm, Dilligaf...
I have pondered your dilemma and have come up with some possible suggestions...

- turn up to the wedding in the nude (or perhaps in your undies to avoid risk of arrest) and explain that the cost of the gifts/accommodation etc. left you with no money for clothing.
- send a cardboard cutout of yourselves to the wedding - along with cardboard cutout cheque as a gift
- forge another wedding invite saying the location has moved to Paris, take 'er indoors there, then claim to be the victim of a cruel hoax
- forge wedding invites to all the other guests, telling them that the wedding location has moved to a church and hotel near you (or a castle if you have one nearby). Charge the bride's dad for a room in your house, if the hotel becomes full

Hope you find a suitable resolution !

Good luck

FireStarter

[Geoff_R]

this is a difficult one. i understand you both to some degree want to "keep up appearances" but not everybody can afford to shell out large amounts of money for these occasions. i was once in exactly the same position and, although i wasn't proud of myself, i ended up pawning my wife's eternity ring to come up with the cash. whilst at the time it seemed like the only option, it unfortunately lead to the irretrievable breakdown of my marriage and i last saw my kids four years ago. i do have a more sensible option, however, and that is to write out the cheque for the �500 but not to tell any of your wife's family that the cheque will, in fact, bounce. think about it: firstly i should imagine your wife's niece and her husband would be far too embarrassed to bring this small matter to your attention after the wedding and, secondly, it would bring to their attention the fact that not everybody is loaded with cash. good luck and let me know how you get on. some people are just take, take, take.

[dilligaf]

Thanks FireStarter. Even in undies I would be quickly arrested. Not a pretty sight an overweight 60 year old. Thanks anyway.
Thanks to Geoff-_R for your suggestion. If the cheque bounced there would be a knock on my door the very same day. No Shame,
I have resolved the problem. Just invented a time machine and gone back a few weeks..

Here is the postman. Surprise surprise, a wedding invatation!!

Here we go again!

[dilligaf]

Thanks fellas
Gone through all the options. Firestarters idea of me turning up in the nip would certainly result in an arrest, even with undies on its a site for sore eyes. Thanks also to Geoff-R.
If I wrote out dodgey cheque they would be at my front door the next day. Sad innit?
I haved solved the problem. A time machine. Gone back a few weeks. Peace at last.
Postman just arrived. Guess what? a wedding invatation.

[dilligaf]

Sorry about the partial repeat of the last two replies. mouse went to sleep.

[joko]

you could make your own travel and accommodation arrangements, obviously much cheaper. flights are pretty cheap and quicker so perhaps travel on the morning of the wedding. say this is due to prior committments, then claim you have friend who lives near the castle, but far enough away that they won't call in, who has said you can stay with them and just book yourselves into a b&b. give whatever gift you like, and hire your suit and dress - yellow pages is full of companies that hire clothes out. don't be bullied.

[brandyman14]

Hi again dilligaf,

Sorry to hear that you have resigned yourself to going to the money-grabbers' wedding.

Make sure you do take the missus to Paris, and don't wait til "next time" either. Arrange a week away sometime soon (shortly into the New Year for example), then send invites to all of your in-laws inviting them to Paris to be present at the renewing of your wedding vows. Ensure that this renewing occurs on the last day of your vacation so you don't have to endure the in-laws for any longer than necessary.

The money you make from their wedding gifts will refund the costs of your niece's wedding, the trip to Paris, and also pay for any repairs to your home that is caused by your childrens' inevitable party while you're away (if you do have children).

[dilligaf]

brandyman1 4 Thanks again for your support. It's really appreciated. The misses has always gone on about a weekend in Paris. You dont know her by any chance?

Its an awkward time in our lives. We live in London. I am semi retired and we are thinking about selling up and moving to somewhere away from London in the spring.. I think this may be our last little fling (although I dont agree with the principal of it)
My wife has another six nieces who may be thinking about marriage in the near future. I said "forget it" before the situation arises. She agrees, one out of seven might not be too bad?
Anyhow next May, hopefully off to somewhere without leaving a forwarding address. Probably solve a lot of problems.
PS Can you recommend anywhere to retire to.? I am the only one of a Geordie family to be born in London. I now hate the place. Been to Devon and Cornwall. Love it! but too many hills might have trouble in a few years. Norfolk ideal flat but a bit boring. Lake District nice but dampness may affect the joints.
Sorry to drift off the main subject which I have now resigned myself to (even bought a new suit yesterday) told the man "I will wear it twice, once to this wedding then to my funeral" adding that I din't want to go to either.
As a reasonably new subscriber to this site it's wonderful to hear from you all.
Thanks.