PRE-NUP or not ... what would you do??

[tgm1974]

My partner was recently married for approx 20 yrs and left the marital home with his ex wife still there and their children. The mortgage was paid off over 15 yrs ago so half the value of the house is his!

He is currently in the process of trying to release this money from the property, approx £100k.

We are due to be married in 2 yrs time and he has been talking about a PRE NUP to safe guard any of the £100k he puts into our home. This is partially because she has taken money from him (only a few thousand) in one means or another and is playing dirty over selling the house or paying him off. I can appreciate that he may be scared that this could happen to him again but would anyone else agree to this PRE NUP due to his past history or paranoias??

I just feel it is taking the shine off my feelings for him that he can think I would leave him (for whatever reason) when I blatently tell him I would never do this - he is the love of my life. Funny thing is, is that if I turned that back on him he says he doesnt want anyone else.

Should I agree as I know Im going nowhere - and I 100% know he is not either.

Plus does anyone know what this type of thing costs??

[redcrx]

why does it have to be a pre-nup?

could you not agree that if anything were to cause you to split that he have a claim to the first £100k (or a percentage if you are putting money in) from the equity of the house.

thats a simple way to do it.

[ummmm]

You have to remember as well, he probably married his first wife thinking it would be forever.

Personally I would see a solicitor and get a contract drawn up. From experience people do not keep to their word when a relationship ends.

[tgm1974]

I said that but he wants something in writing - obviously means he doesnt trust what I say but he said that about his ex wife and look what she is doing to him now. I can see his point but Id wonder how he would feel if it was me asking for it!

[redcrx]

but what if any property you had didnt have £100k equity? would he want the rest of his money?

you need to discuss exactly how he is planning on doing this. what if you have kids? would he still demand his money back?

[ummmm]

You can't predict the future. It's not a matter of trust.

[Barmaid]

You don't need a pre nup. When you buy your new property you enter into a Declaration of Trust to say that the first 100k is his. Whilst I can understand it taking the shine off your feelings, I've seen this time and time again when people say it is forever (and mean it) yet if it all goes wrong, it goes really wrong. I can see both points of view.

In any event, as you accept neither of you are going nowhere, you lose nothing by doing this.

[redcrx]

thanks Barmaid, thats what i meant, just couldnt think of name of it lol

[daffy654]

A pre nuptial agreement is not legally binding in the UK anyway.If the couple divorce the judge can override the contract in the interests of fairness if he or she feels it appropriate.

[Nosha123]

Yep - Barmaid has yet again provided valuable advice.

We needed a Declaration of Trust when buying house with the MIL - again.. always thought it would be fine.. wouldnt need it! BY GOD I WAS WRONG!!! She tried to shaft her own SON for money when it came to selling...

So - I'm sorry but as much as you love him and say you will never leave him... you never actually know what the future holds! I never believed my MIL would be so cruel to my husband and she was! He hasnt spoken to her in over 5 years now!

[Doolallygirl]

OMG just found this question and had to respond - I've just signed a cohabitation order - similar to a prenup but without the marriage! My boyfriend owns his own property and I have a bit of debt and he just wanted to protect his house and himself from my debt etc. I said in his situation I would of course do the same. In the order I've agreed that what is his now is his always, I won't make a claim for his property despite paying him rent for it while I'm living there. We have both agreed that this will become null and void should we marry in the future though so slightly different from your situation. Also if I become pregnant the contract will be overridden.

I would go and see a solicitor about this - it would be worth it talking to somebody with experience of divorce etc before telling him where to stick his pre-nup!!

[Oneeyedvic]

Personally speaking, if there is no trust in a relationship, then there is no relationship. End of.

[Whoever]

It's a difficult one. Everybody marries hoping their marriage will last but these days a lot of marriages don't. I think if you put yourself in your fiance's position and it had been you who had been financially cheated and were about to embark on a second relationship, you might very well want some assurance that it couldn't happen a second time. Especially if you were older and had fewer earning years in front of you to make up a second financial loss. Nobody can put their hand on their heart and promise faithfully they will behave 100% honourably in a relationship breakdown, especially if it starts to become acrimonious.
I think you should talk to a solicitor and get some independent advice and then make up your mind.