Having a break with partner

[numnum]

Me and my partner decided today to have some time apart

We haven't been getting on at all for over a year. We have a 1 and 3 years old.

His other 2 teenage children are here for their summer holidays. I feel bad this has happened while there up but I just couldn't take it anymore

I don't know if it will be a short term split or for good. Just felt I needed to speak to someone

[ummmm]

Was it your decision?

[grasscarp]

Oh dear. His teenager probably were the catalyst. It must be very difficult for you with such young children to have two extras who were more than likely no help to you and an added burden. I feel for you. Many years ago I was trying to cope with 3 of my partners previous children and one of my own and that was hard. It was, in my opinion, difficult for you to take on two much older children, and you are very brave. Hopefully your partner will think a bit while you are apart and realise that he should not walk out on two more children.

[chrissa1]

It doesn't sound like the teenagers are the problem grasscarp.

[ummmm]

When you say time apart...are you going to limit contact for a while.

[grasscarp]

oh Chrissa. Never underestimate the power of a teenager. Your own can drive you to distraction (and I speak from experience) and other peoples can go even further. I wont elaborate as like you say we dont know them or the full situation, but trust me, two nearly adults from his former partner will not have helped the situation.

[numnum]

yes, it was. we're both sick of each other.

theres bigh things i'm not happy with and silly little things and i'm just fed up with it.

he speaks to me like a peice of you know what. I do so much for him, his other kids, our kids, i work and i get no respect. an example recently, i was away for 2 months due to my stepdad hanging himself. i had a 20 hour journey to get home and was up all night then got home, sat down and asked for a cuppa and he said to get it myself in front of folk who'd come to welcome us home. you could hear the gasp in the room

i know its just a cuppa but its crazy that after being away so long he cant even be bothered to get me a cuppa.

his work is very good, some months he only works a few days and gets paid for a full month, other months he might work a couple of weeks and thats it. so not got the time to do a simple thing like a cuppa, he'd been of for 10 days in a row before i got home

now his other kids are here. i'm loving having them here and the company and its no problem but at any chance he gets he just wants to lie down an hour or so after getting up and he's done nothing. yet he tells the kids to get out and do things. what a role modle when all he does is sleep

even his other kids are going about saying dad does nothing. i want them to think he's the best dad in the world and have a great time with us

[ummmm]

They are only there for the summer holidays.

[tinkerbell23]

Hes taking u for granted. Let him go...he will soon realise xxxxx

[numnum]

the children are not a problem strangly i'm more organised and the washing basket is always empty with the 6 of us rather when theres 4. its really nice to get the young ones to sleep and spend the evenings with the older ones. i'll be very sad to see them go.

we've obviously had a few dramas but thats what i expect, but the problems with our relashionship were here before they came for their holidays and i'm sad they've seen us like this

[ummmm]

Will he support you financially?

I think you'll find out quite quickly what you want to do. My ex didn't half of what yours does, plus he didn't have children, and when he went for a few weeks I couldn't believe how relaxed I felt. So relaxed, I never let him back..

[numnum]

i think so tinkerbell. i'm sick of it. i had a section with my second and had to go sleep in the spare room with the baby because it was disturbing his sleep. i was quite ill after that as i got an infetion and low blood pressure due to blood loss

i got my tonsils out and was very ill after it and he went out golfing while i had to crawl from room to room as i couldn't stand i was that dizzy from blood loss. i thold him not to go golfing but he didn't want to let his friends down.

[chrissa1]

I was just going to say the very same thing tinkerbell. Have you got somewhere to go numnum or is he leaving? Somehow I'm thinking it's you that has to leave but I might be wrong.

[grasscarp]

Numnum, your story just gets worse and worse. Please look after yourself and your children. You deserve much better.

[numnum]

i think he would help financially but not a huge amount

the only problem is where i stay theres no childcare and i have no babysitters. it would be about a 5 hour round trip if i had to drop them off at childcare, get back to my work ( i work for myself) pick them up then get back home

the cost of just getting them to childcare would be about £35 then the childcare on top of that. it would be more than i could earn so i really could'nt work properly till the kids are at school. also where i live there is a limit to the amount of customers i would get so i could only maybe get a couple of days full time which would be fine if i was in a couple but not a single mum

[ummmm]

Would you be entitled to tax credits?

Have you got enough money to rent?

[numnum]

we're in a council house but renovating a house at the moment.

my mum is planning to sell her house after her partner hanging himself and move back here (shes from here) but the way the market is that could be a long wait but at least in the future she will be here so i could get back to work and not worry about childcare

he's at his mums just now but he's phoned lots tonight saying he's bored and wants to come home. which i think is insulting that he is bored as his kids are there!!!!

[numnum]

i'm not sure. i was made redundant when i was due to go back to work after my first. then we fell pregnant with our second and they said i wasn't entitled to anything. so had to go bak to work soon after having baby number 2 as i had no maternity pay

we get about £30 tax credit but should be more but they over paid us so they've reduced it

[ummmm]

I don't know how you've put up with it for so long.

I wouldn't answer the phone to him. A break is suppose to give you thinking time. He's not even giving you that.

[ummmm]

Well, that will change if you're a single parent.

[grasscarp]

numnum, there is such a lot happening in your life, and so many difficulties. I hope that is all works out well. Citizens Advice Bureau is a good starting point with practical problems.