Hypothetical Question

[2sp_]

If you were estranged from a family member and they then fell on hard times or suffered a serious illness or injury, would you forgive and forget and help them out?

[viv38]

Yes, unless they'd murdered someone !!

[society]

I'd help out if it was a life and death situation, but, have another family member around when 'helping'.

[2sp_]

I hold no grudges against my brother and his behaviour, but I won't get bitten by the same dog twice.

Unless it was a matter of life and death and I was the only person on the planet that could save his sorry neck, then I would quietly shut the door on him.

[jno]

he's not ilving on a flood plain anywhere, then?

[Hopkirk]

If he or she was family and needed help, then of course I would help.

[gness]

I don't dwell at all on estrangements but I never truly forgive so I would only consider helping in a life or death situation...

Off to paint now, Zacs....but won't sit and watch it dry....☺

[rockyracoon]

I'll say yes but it does depend entirely on why we were estranged, some things are unforgivable.

[mackfender]

Yes, but would depend on the circumstances.

[netibiza]

Yes.

[Brinjal]

Would depend. My husband and his one brother only speak in passing. The brother has been a leach all his life. Presents himself as owning my husbands company runs up debt in the company name walks into the workshop screams at the staff takes them off important jobs to do things for him. Eventually my husband told him not to come and interfere with his staff so said brother got the hump and didnt come by at all and all was good. So then his son, my husbands nephew wanted to buy a small house that was owned jointly by my husband and his sister. All was drawn up legally but after two months the nephew stopped making payments. It was sold on deed of sale. The nephew works with his father so the upshot is the father refused to allow him to make any further payments and they between them concocted invoices and debts which show fraudulent monies owed to them. The whole thing ended up going to court has taken 3 years and caused untold upset, he brought thugs to the work place to intimidate my husband. Now the nephew has made payments otherwise he would have lost the property and the father thinks that all is over and wants to be family again but my husband is adamant that he doesn't want to have anything to with him neither does the sister and he just doesn't see what he has done wrong.

[2sp_]

Sounds like you have all had a terrible time of it Brinjal.

Just shows that you can't choose your family.

[Connemmara]

my brother is alcoholically damaged and very aggressive (I have spoken of him before) I never want him home as no. 1 it is not his home (my home) no. 2 I am terrified of him burning my house to the ground if I am not here - sister has spoken to him recently and he says he wants to come home - she has said no - he has said yes. if it ever happens I want to board my house with boards and run for the hills.

[China Doll]

Nope. Currently I only have one family I'm estranged from and it's only an uncle; I believe the phrase is 'I wouldn't pi$$ on him if he were on fire'.

[boxtops]

As others have said, it would depend on the circumstances. Help out, possibly, but not necessarily forgive and forget.

[SlackAlice]

Unlikely, I'm not a forgiver or forgetter.

[joko]

too many variables to give a simple yes no answer

depends why you're estranged, depends on why they are in their predicament, but also depends what they wanted from me.

i would not give a kidney - but i would perhaps lend them a few quid, or donate belongings etc - probably not a large amount though - just 'enough' to tide them over maybe

it depends also on the level of their hardship - they are about to die or be on the streets - or if they are just a bit skint, bit still managing...

if they have been stupid and are responsible for their own hardship, then i wouldnt be all that sympathetic.

[Kassee]

If it was my ex-husband or any of his family the answer would be NO. I wouldn't forgive or forget or help them out, and if they fell on hard times or suffered illness or injury - GREAT - serves them right.

[DaisyNonna]

Depends upon the reason for the estrangement. Would like to think yes but not sure what constitutes hard times.

[maggiebee]

When my dad died 13 years ago, my brother was not at all happy with the terms of his will. He hadn't seen his father for 10 years and didn't even know where he lived. However he was furious that he was not "getting more" in his words and wrote me a really nasty letter saying he hoped I would soon be in the hole his father was in. Haven't seen him since and hope I never see him again. Would have to be a cold day in hell before I would ever help him.

[LostSoulx]

I always believe you should give someone a second chance especially family, however if that person has been forgiven many times in the past and continued to go over your boundaries knowing fair well that they were hurting you in the process, then you need to be cautious.

People do genuinly change, especially when they go through some sort of traumatic event, be it, injury, illness or hard times, however there are also people who are very grateful for you helping them out at the time, but once they are on their feet they soon forget what you have done for them and get back to being the person they were when you decided to cut contact with them.

I know I might not have directly answered your question for you, but I hope I have given you food for thought. It is hard when you dont know why the person became estranged in the first place. Good luck and go with your gut instinct.