Want Son Out

[bluebird34]

I am an 82 year old lady who has an alcoholic son of 51 living with her. He is no longer welcome and refuses to leave saying he can't afford it because he only has a part time job and will get no help with his rent. Where can I go for help and advice please.

[VHG]

Do you own the house, or is it a council house, or is it rented?

You could try contacting Age UK and see if they have any advice, or the Citizens Advice Bureau.

[bluebird34]

Yes I own my bungalow. Will maybe try Citizens Advice thank you

[fiction-factory]

Does he pay any rent to you, however small? I'm wondering whether he could claim there is a tenancy agreement of some sort in place. I don't know anything in this area though- it.s just a thought

[EDDIE51]

If he really will not leave after being told to go, you may have to get the police involved. Can you talk to a police officer in private?
If he only works part time he probably would be entitled to housing benefit to help pay his rent.
I can see this being a difficult problem, as even if he does leave, with his alcohol problem he is likely to lose his job or spend all his money on drink and keep coming back to you for money and accommodation.
I'll try and think of a better way to help and get back on here if I can come up with an idea.

[ummmm]

He will receive help. Same as everyone else..

Chuck him out, you're 82, you should be living in peace...

[EDDIE51]

This could well come down to waiting until he is out at work and then changing the locks so he can't get back in. That is what an elderly lady I know had to do, her son was on drugs , so the situation was similar. The police were very helpful and attended when he came back and tried to get in.
They took him into the house to collect his clothes and then made sure he left the area.
He will get benefits, I know a man who was a registered alcoholic , that is classed as an illness , and he got benefit money as a disabled person would.
I also say the CAB are your best bet in the first instance .

[VHG]

>>Chuck him out, you're 82, you should be living in peace...

Not easy for an 82 year old woman to chuck out a 51 year old man who is an alcoholic.

Is she supposed to manhandle him to front door and throw him out?

[bluebird34]

Thank you all for your comments. He has been here for 10 years and is not aggressive and he does pay me a small sum a week. It is because I want to live in peace for however long I have got that I want him to go. The trouble is he won't look for anywhere so I would have to do it, although I have offered to pay any deposit for him. I am feeling that I shall just have to put up with him.

[dieseldick]

i feel for you , you shouldnt have to put up with him, he should not be putting you through this ordeal.

if you have had enough then wait untill he goes out then change the locks. terrible situation for you but that is what i would do.

[TWR]

As said, change the locks, contact the police, do you have any other members of family?

[bluebird34]

I couldn't do it where would he go and what would he do!!!

[Old_Geezer]

Has he not a better nature that you could appeal to ? If you gather evidence that he was eligible for help financially, and maybe with further employment and his alcohol dependence, then perhaps he'll realise it's good for you both to have your independence. (Obviously popping in regularly to check you're ok.)

[Jennykenny]

Rather drastic but would the sale of your bungalow cover the cost of two one-bedroom flats? Or a one-bedroom flat and a bedsit? You would still own both of them, but he should be able to pay you rent on the smaller one from whatever benefits he is entitled to?

[bluebird34]

Sorry I had to go out. This is my fault really I have made him too comfy and he knows when he is well off. The 2 flats sounds a good idea and in fact there are some new retirement flats being built locally and I have told him that I have registered an interest, which I have, and that he will have to move out if I buy one. Trouble is they are luxury flats and I doubt if my bungalow will pay for one. Thank you all for your suggestions and interest but I think I have made a rod for my own back, you have all given me things to think about though and I am sure I will get there in the end thanks again.

[viv41]

Good luck x

[TonyV]

Blue sorry to hear of your problems. Do you have any other siblings or family members that can offer firmer hand. If not get police involved they will deal with him accordingly

[EDDIE51]

Jennykenny Housing benefit for help with rent is not available for renting from a family member, so the son could not get help with paying rent to his Mother.
bluebird34 As he pays you money per week he could be classed as a tenant meaning you could not just change the locks as I and others suggested.
I am thinking, if he is a tenant they you may be able to give him notice to quit. This would be a formal notice that he can not stay after the end of the notice period. He would then be officially 'homeless' and so eligible for social housing. As a single man he would have little chance of a council house unless he could be classed as 'vulnerable' due to his alcoholism. If he was classed as 'vulnerable' he would have to be offered emergency accommodation by the local council.
It is worth talking to your local CAB about the problem and possible ways out of it.

[Mamyalynne]

Have a chat with someone at Age UK , this won't be the first time they have been asked about this and may be able to point you in the right direction.

Hope you get some sound advice.

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/no-one/we-provide-advice/

[Ellipsis]

Not an expert at this by any means but I'll chip in an idea that has not been mentioned, for others to knock down as appropriate.

If you put yourself into a retirement care home, you would have to sell your home to pay the fees. This would eat up you son's inheritance, but see you retired in comfort and security ...

[Jackdaw33]

You say he is not aggressive. What is it about his behaviour that is disturbing your peace?