Sexual abuse

[Cavewoman]

when i was younger my grandad sexually abused me. i have only told my closest friends but not my parents or any other adults. i know i should but i am scared of what they might say. sometimes i cry myself to sleep and wonder if my parents will ever know. they often ask me if i want to talk about anything to them i say nope im fine, but im hurting inside. i dont know what to do. would it be to late to tell any1? wot can i do? plz help

[noxlumos]

How old are you Cavewoman? By the sounds of it you aren't very old yet. Please try to tell your parents if you can and give them the chance to help you with this. There are a lot of steps that need taking depending on whether your Grandfather is still alive or not, but you owe it to yourself to let your parents know so that they can help you. You will feel so much better if you let them know. I was physically abused as a child and something should have been done to stop it and wasn't, so I grew up into a very dysfunctional person. You must tell your patrents preferably or another adult that you trust.

[Eve]

Have just replied to your other post in food hon. Could it be that the things are related? I know from experience the feelings things like this can cause you to have towards yourself and how it can manifest in trying to control something in your life and many other ways.

As in the other post try and get some help and support in what you're going through as you are by no means alone and there are people out there who can help you. If you go and see your GP about the other thing then if you can confide in him and he may be able to target some help more specifically for you and give you some information for local support groups where you can meet people who have been through similar things and can make you feel less alone and provide some help and support.

As Nox said, is there someone out there who you can speak to in terms of closer support such as a family member?

Sounds like your parents are worried about you and have the feeling something is wrong, could you talk to them about it? Is it possible that they could have some kind of an idea or suspicion as to what happened or have maybe noticed other things such as in your other post?

Whatever you do, please don't let any feelings of shame of self disgust or worries about upsetting others and such prevent you from getting what you need in terms of help and support, you are the victim here and you deserve help with what you've been through and the effect it's having on you.

xxx

[Eve]

Been trying to find some links for you but with not knowing how old you are and such a good idea might be to contact the Samaritans...

http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

You can have a confidential chat to them about how you're feeling and they will probably be able to give you contact details and such of places which are more appropriate for you.

xxx

[sarnieken]

Excellent Post Jenna.
I went to the Samaritans myself about 5 years ago and it was amazing to talk to someone who was completely neutral.

It sounds like you're having a bit of a cr*ppy time at the moment, I sincerely hope it works out.

The important thing is to get the truth out or it will destroy you. That you're talking about it at all is an amazing first step.
It will be difficult, there's no way of preventing that. It WILL affect your family.

I won't tell you what to do as this is something that my limited knowledge isn't qualified to do. All I can do is agree with Jenna and urge you to get to the samaritans. They listen, they never judge, they can recommend the right people to talk to, their buscuits are amazing and they make the world's best tea!

Its never too late to do anything about it....
Hope it works out,
K
x

[yummymum]

Hi Cavewoman, I was also abused as a child from being 9 to 17, the abuse only stopped when i moved out of home, for a few different reasons I never told anyone. I finally did however get it out in the open when I was 23 (im now 25) Im still trying to get my self back to 'normal' but I must say that speaking up as definatley helped. If you would like to talk or need any advice I would be happy to talk to you, my email is [email protected]. In answer to your question my case alone proves that its never too late.

[Goodsoulette]

I had a friend who had the very same thing happen to her. She was left with lots of mental health problems and was really tipped over the edge before she sat her mum and family down and told her. Her mum was in utter denial over it but only for a few hours. It was only when her sister came round and admitted it had happened to her too, then a couple of cousins admitted he had interferred with them to, and no surprises that the mother had been abused too.

Is your grandad still alive? I think your paents need to know, he took away what should be the happiest part of your life, he needs to be punished for it and your parents would want to share your pain. I know I would. There immediate reactions might not be great though just due to the shock.

[vehelpfulguy]

You were the innocent party, he was the guilty party.

But you are being made to feel guilty.

Tell your parents and get it out into the open.

The fact that they are asking you if you want to talk about anything indicates that maybe they know what your grandfather was like.

Maybe he was doing the same to other young people and they are already aware he was like that.

If you speak to them they will almost certaily have sympathy for you.

[cheekycherry]

hiya cavewomen im 17 and i was too sexually abuse my step grandad from the age of 2 till i was 10 i kept it secret untill one day i could take it no more so i told my mum it helped me as i wasnt on my own anymore and that i didnt have to suffer in the corner on my own!!! then i had to be looked over by the doctors then i did a vidow of what happened so that could be used in court !!! he got commuinty serves as he was said to be ill from the doctor ?!!!still he should of got life now 7 years on ive gone through years of conseling and now im able to think of it as abad dream !! please dont keep it bottled up tell some one this man shouldnt be doing this to you please tell your parernts as they will give you surport and then you can look forward in life !!!!! please rember that after every storm theres a rainbow !! keep ya chin up and tell some one dont suffer alone in the corner

[Smudgexx]

Cavewoman it is never too late to tell someone, you have to if you want to move on in your life, bottling things up will crush you. I know this as I am a parent of a child who has been abused. I watch her every day and see how it distroys her cos she can't say the words. Do it for yourself x

[Cavewoman]

Thnx evrybody. i will choose a right time cos of family etc. i feel lots better nd have just talked to my bf of 7months bout it nd he is totally wit me. thnx again.