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Female Domestic Violence.
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Today, almost without warning, my wife attacked me. This time I suffered a damaged shoulder. This is the third time in around three years I have been assaulted . I have never hit her back and I never would. I am far stronger and could really hurt her if I hit back. We have been together for ten years.
This attack came after we had had words over a trivial matter. Each time it happens my wife says its my fault as I make her do it. She says she loves me but I do not beleve her. Things are not easy and I think her son is also a factor. I think she feel guilty about losing her first marrage when her first husband walked away.
For all the women who see this and have a good laugh, I have not been unfaithfull, I dont drink. I have a good job and am not lazy around the house.
I am also prepaired for all the silly remarks this question will receive from females who think I am some sort of pathetic loser. I dont want any remarks or comments on this from women please.
But this latest attack has really left me on the floor. I feel worthless and foolish. I feel totally demoralised and fed up. I just cant go on living with her like this, but where to I go and who can I talk to? Has any other men been through this? How did you cope? I really cant cope with this anymore, but dont want to lose her.
This attack came after we had had words over a trivial matter. Each time it happens my wife says its my fault as I make her do it. She says she loves me but I do not beleve her. Things are not easy and I think her son is also a factor. I think she feel guilty about losing her first marrage when her first husband walked away.
For all the women who see this and have a good laugh, I have not been unfaithfull, I dont drink. I have a good job and am not lazy around the house.
I am also prepaired for all the silly remarks this question will receive from females who think I am some sort of pathetic loser. I dont want any remarks or comments on this from women please.
But this latest attack has really left me on the floor. I feel worthless and foolish. I feel totally demoralised and fed up. I just cant go on living with her like this, but where to I go and who can I talk to? Has any other men been through this? How did you cope? I really cant cope with this anymore, but dont want to lose her.
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Sorry but I am a woman and I don`t see why you should be expected to put up with this. There are some usefull webs at the bottom of here. Please get yourself out of this relationship.http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/domestic_vi olence/menhh_index.shtml
Merlin I can't imagine anyone laughing and you're certainly not pathetic. Theres no diffierence between whats happening to you and what happens to a woman who is abused. In fact it worse in someways because she probably knows you would never hit her back so thinks she can get away with whatever she likes and you'll do nothing. Don't ever feel ashamed and remember that no excuse she gives makes it ok. I'm a lady but hope you don't mind me commenting even though I can offer no advice. I applaud you for seeking help and wish you all the luck in the world xx
hi, sorry i'm a woman too, and take no pleasure in your post at all! how sad to be in this situation?? (having been there from the other side?) just as there are organisations for 'battered wives' there are also some for men, it is not an uncommon occurrance by any means! please dont feel foolish or worthless, but, also dont be the victim? you appear to be a really nice person, and inevitably it is that kind of person who sufffers most. i am sorry i cant offer more advice but wish you all the best, and please let us know how you get on?
Hi, Im really sorry to hear about your situation however it is really nice to hear about someone like yourself, it would be much easier for you to hit your wife back however you are much stronger and better than that by the sounds of things. You say you feel worthless and foolish? I can assure you that the only foolish thing you are doing is staying with some one that in my opinion doesnt deserve you, you should definatley not feel worthless, men like yourself are hard to come by in my experience. I can assure you that if you are as you sound you will easily find someone that loves and totaly respect you and above all someone that you deserve.
This woman cant possibly love you, would you put someone you love through this? You say her son is a factor, you dont mention how old he is or what he is like but I would imagine that this is effecting him and as he gets older he may start to show you the lack of respect that she does.
For your own sake and sanity I think you need to get out of this relationship or at least take a break so she realises what she stands to lose.
Good luck and let us know how you go on xx
This woman cant possibly love you, would you put someone you love through this? You say her son is a factor, you dont mention how old he is or what he is like but I would imagine that this is effecting him and as he gets older he may start to show you the lack of respect that she does.
For your own sake and sanity I think you need to get out of this relationship or at least take a break so she realises what she stands to lose.
Good luck and let us know how you go on xx
Dear Merlin
Sounds like your wife is trying to provoke some kind of response from you. I respect your principles in not wanting to strike her, but can you get close enough to restrain her? If you are bigger and stronger, can you simply wrap your arms around her until she calms down? Perhaps being so close to her might also be helpful.
It doesn't sound like much fun in your house right now. But perhaps having some anonymous support - and all from women you will note - might help. Good luck.
Sounds like your wife is trying to provoke some kind of response from you. I respect your principles in not wanting to strike her, but can you get close enough to restrain her? If you are bigger and stronger, can you simply wrap your arms around her until she calms down? Perhaps being so close to her might also be helpful.
It doesn't sound like much fun in your house right now. But perhaps having some anonymous support - and all from women you will note - might help. Good luck.
the tone of your ridiculous accusations that all women will laugh their heads of at you because of this, will think you are a pathetic loser, and that all females will post silly remarks so you refuse to even listen to comments from women, actually says rather a lot about you and your attitude to women.
you make it sound like you are a lovely bloke who has never put a foot wrong yet you instantly come out with all this obnoxious crap and generalisations!
i don't for one minute condone her behaviour, but its clear from your completely unwarranted and unfounded attack on all women that you have a serious attitude problem towards women.
i suggest you address that, and you may find out what is making her so angry with you that she resorts to violence.
you make it sound like you are a lovely bloke who has never put a foot wrong yet you instantly come out with all this obnoxious crap and generalisations!
i don't for one minute condone her behaviour, but its clear from your completely unwarranted and unfounded attack on all women that you have a serious attitude problem towards women.
i suggest you address that, and you may find out what is making her so angry with you that she resorts to violence.
hey joko do you know this bloke?do you know what goes onb behind his closed doors?you sound like you like to have a go at your partner given half a chance [thats if you have one]merlin58 has not launched an attack on ALL women as you say the bloke is obviously in need of some advice and guidance you sound as bad as his partner ok he might have done something wrong but does this warrant a physical attack on him?now i dont know what goes on behind your closed doors as much as you dont know anything about me but it sounds as if merlin58s partner is not only physically abusing him but mentally abusing him as well and by the tone of your post you are very good at doing that as well.mental abuse is as bad as physical abuse.LEAVE THE BLOKE ALONE HES GOT PROBLEMS...
I can actually see what joko means (I'm male btw). He's very agressive and demanding in his tone with regard to women "I don't want any remarks or comments from women ", well why the hell not? They are the people that can best answer this for him. Passive agression is still agression and as someone else pointed out, she lashes out through frustration and a desire to provoke a response in him.My belief is she feels unloved ( don't know why before you all attack me), but that's classic behaviour for someone whose self esteem is very low with regards to the person they attack. You not hitting her back to her proves that no matter hat her state or distress, she is insignificant to you, that's why she's doing it, she feels unimportant and invisible. Talk deeply to her and find out what's wrong with your relationship on a large scale and you'll find the answer your looking for.
dear oh dear stokeace.
It is clear you have nothing more constructive to say than "chin up mate".
No of course I don't know this guy, none of us do, and we have to respond based totally on the words he has typed above.
Might I suggest that rather than just reading the words, you try to understand them too.
Your ill-considered and rather puerile "i'll bet you hit your partner, so there" type nonsense, rather negates any point you are lamely trying to make.
The point is, based on his own words, this guy is not totally sweetness and light, and as I have already said, if you had read it properly, I do not condone this nor do i think he deserves it.
My point is perhaps if he reconsiders his own attitude towards his girlfriend and women he may find out what is making her so angry.
The fact that he instantly attacked women - it is clear - shows he has a low opinion of them, and perhaps feels they are beneath him.
Most people would have realised that it is in fact men who would be more likely to laugh at him, and think he is a weak fool, not women, as is clear from the posts from women.
Women are generally more likely to be sympathetic and soothing, but this person clearly thinks that all women are cruel, uncaring and spiteful b*itches, and he refuses to listen to a word from any of them - and he wonders why his girlfriend gets so angry with him!!
Stokeace - come back to me when you have grown up.
It is clear you have nothing more constructive to say than "chin up mate".
No of course I don't know this guy, none of us do, and we have to respond based totally on the words he has typed above.
Might I suggest that rather than just reading the words, you try to understand them too.
Your ill-considered and rather puerile "i'll bet you hit your partner, so there" type nonsense, rather negates any point you are lamely trying to make.
The point is, based on his own words, this guy is not totally sweetness and light, and as I have already said, if you had read it properly, I do not condone this nor do i think he deserves it.
My point is perhaps if he reconsiders his own attitude towards his girlfriend and women he may find out what is making her so angry.
The fact that he instantly attacked women - it is clear - shows he has a low opinion of them, and perhaps feels they are beneath him.
Most people would have realised that it is in fact men who would be more likely to laugh at him, and think he is a weak fool, not women, as is clear from the posts from women.
Women are generally more likely to be sympathetic and soothing, but this person clearly thinks that all women are cruel, uncaring and spiteful b*itches, and he refuses to listen to a word from any of them - and he wonders why his girlfriend gets so angry with him!!
Stokeace - come back to me when you have grown up.
joko you are the typical person who kicks someone when they are down dont you?i dont think it is me who needs to grow up read your last post again and you will see yourself as i see you...............totally uncaring of course im telling him to keep his chin up whereas you are obviously more concerned about putting words in his mouth so that it appears that he is slagging all women off how can he and i quote'he clearly thinks all women are cruel.uncaring,spiteful bitches'has he said this in his post?no he does not you are ASSUMING again arent you?the bloke asked for a bit of advice he didnt ask to get slagged off by the likes of you its obvious he needs a bit of help dont ever go for a job in counselling will you joko there will be a serious rise in the suicide rate.have you not heard of the word compassion?i dont think you have.
he more or less said that yes, stokeace. maybe he didn't mean it that way, and perhaps should have chosen his woords more carefully, but his actual words are there for all to see - that is all i can go on.
Your opinion is not only innacurate, it is highly irrelevant, pointless and uninteresting.
if you wish to jump to conclusions, you go right ahead - who am i to stop the freeflowing mindless drivel of someone who wouldn't see the point if it poked him in the eye.
the trouble with text is that it is not always easy to tell exactly what the other person is getting at, and it is easy to make up all kinds of nonsense in your own head to fill in the blanks - that is up to you.
I prefer to go by what is actually written, not make wild speculations about someones personality just because someone does not agree with me
just because someone comes on here and tells us what is usually only their side of the story, does not mean the other person is pure evil. there is usually huge portion of the story that the poster conveniently leaves out, because they want back-up, not the truth.
so rather than just saying 'oh poor you', i chose to point out that he himself does not appear to be totally innocent in all this, and as you yourself pointed out - there is mental abuse as well as physical, and if this guy speaks to, and about, his girl the way he came on here and spoke to all of us, then perhaps there is a reason for her behaviour and that is what he should be adressing.
i may be wrong, he may be sweetness personfied - but i very much doubt it.
it really is quite a simple point i am making and i cannot keep explaining it to you, if you refuse to understand, that is your problem.
(and i kick puppies and steal kids sweets too, so there!
...see how childish it sounds...?)
Your opinion is not only innacurate, it is highly irrelevant, pointless and uninteresting.
if you wish to jump to conclusions, you go right ahead - who am i to stop the freeflowing mindless drivel of someone who wouldn't see the point if it poked him in the eye.
the trouble with text is that it is not always easy to tell exactly what the other person is getting at, and it is easy to make up all kinds of nonsense in your own head to fill in the blanks - that is up to you.
I prefer to go by what is actually written, not make wild speculations about someones personality just because someone does not agree with me
just because someone comes on here and tells us what is usually only their side of the story, does not mean the other person is pure evil. there is usually huge portion of the story that the poster conveniently leaves out, because they want back-up, not the truth.
so rather than just saying 'oh poor you', i chose to point out that he himself does not appear to be totally innocent in all this, and as you yourself pointed out - there is mental abuse as well as physical, and if this guy speaks to, and about, his girl the way he came on here and spoke to all of us, then perhaps there is a reason for her behaviour and that is what he should be adressing.
i may be wrong, he may be sweetness personfied - but i very much doubt it.
it really is quite a simple point i am making and i cannot keep explaining it to you, if you refuse to understand, that is your problem.
(and i kick puppies and steal kids sweets too, so there!
...see how childish it sounds...?)
joko i do not wish to get into any sort of argument with you but how on earth can you say that i am the 1 who is jumping to conclusions.have you actually understood what you have wrote on your posts?you are the 1 who is jumping to the conclusion that this bloke is a woman hater he never said that did he?i do understand what you are trying to say but you are trying to use reverse physcology on this bloke it was HIM that was assaulted remember?it is a simple point that i am trying to make as well the bloke asked for advice but all he has got is accused of being a woman hater who has a serious problem with women [your conclusion] i think we ought to draw a line under this discussion and agree to disagree dont you think?and no im not throwing my teddy out of my pram lol
theres no reverse psychology here
i was trying to point out that there may be issues he may not even be aware of, perhaps due to past experiences with women? perhaps he is putting them onto her...?
that fact is, he made a number of unfair & unwarranted statements, along the lines of -
all women will laugh at him
all women will think he is pathetic and ridicule him
all women wont care that he has been attacked
all women will give silly answers
he does not want to listen to a single word a woman has to say
why say all that? why not just see what the responses were instead of alienating half of AB?
for that to be his opening line, tells me this guy has issues with women -don't know what - but people don't generally speak like that about all women, just because their girlfriend has hit them a few times -there must be more to it, for him to actually think anyone, other than someone cruel or joking, would laugh at him, & to make a big display of accusing all women, says a lot
this is a conclusion drawn with good evidence (i didnt say women hater, you did)
if merlin wishes to look inside a bit & assess where that instant dismissal of females came from he may well find out what the problem is
if he really does think all women are cruel & uncaring & laugh at violence then perhaps that comes out in the way he speaks to and treats her....? maybe...?
we can all pat him on the back & say 'there there', but that won't really help solve the problem will it?
i sympathise with him and i think its awful that he's had this happen - no-one deserves to be hit, but its the root of the problem that need to be addressed not just us handing out virtual elastoplasts
but he should not come on here asking for help & then rudely dismiss the people who would try to help him
these problems are rarely
i was trying to point out that there may be issues he may not even be aware of, perhaps due to past experiences with women? perhaps he is putting them onto her...?
that fact is, he made a number of unfair & unwarranted statements, along the lines of -
all women will laugh at him
all women will think he is pathetic and ridicule him
all women wont care that he has been attacked
all women will give silly answers
he does not want to listen to a single word a woman has to say
why say all that? why not just see what the responses were instead of alienating half of AB?
for that to be his opening line, tells me this guy has issues with women -don't know what - but people don't generally speak like that about all women, just because their girlfriend has hit them a few times -there must be more to it, for him to actually think anyone, other than someone cruel or joking, would laugh at him, & to make a big display of accusing all women, says a lot
this is a conclusion drawn with good evidence (i didnt say women hater, you did)
if merlin wishes to look inside a bit & assess where that instant dismissal of females came from he may well find out what the problem is
if he really does think all women are cruel & uncaring & laugh at violence then perhaps that comes out in the way he speaks to and treats her....? maybe...?
we can all pat him on the back & say 'there there', but that won't really help solve the problem will it?
i sympathise with him and i think its awful that he's had this happen - no-one deserves to be hit, but its the root of the problem that need to be addressed not just us handing out virtual elastoplasts
but he should not come on here asking for help & then rudely dismiss the people who would try to help him
these problems are rarely
I was reading the posts and was thinking how everbody was giving great advice based on what Merlin chose to tell us about a really personal, difficult and serious situation.
Joko, Merlon did not say "ALL WOMEN" he said "ALL THE WOMEN". that one word makes all the difference in my opinion. To me, hes asking exactly that - "For all the women who see this and have a good laugh.." In my opinion, Merlin is a guy who seems scared about what everybody thinks about him and is scared because of the stereotypical view we all have about spousal abuse.
I then went on to be totally disgusted by your line "..just because their girlfriend has hit them a few times." HOW DARE YOU!! how many times is ok then?? How many times does somebody need to be clumped before it stops being "A few times"? Have you ever been hit by somebody you loved?? I HAVE!! Its not nice, its not funny and it is certainly not helped by people like you!!!
Merlin, my love does go out to you, stay strong, learn to be emotionally stronger, and get out if thats an option. Distance yourself from the person you are when she hits you - make it feel like thats somebody else shes hitting.
Spousal abuse is a serious incident, the Police would be interested if you took it to them, try Victim support, they are great.
Good luck and please try and stay strong
Flower xx
Joko, Merlon did not say "ALL WOMEN" he said "ALL THE WOMEN". that one word makes all the difference in my opinion. To me, hes asking exactly that - "For all the women who see this and have a good laugh.." In my opinion, Merlin is a guy who seems scared about what everybody thinks about him and is scared because of the stereotypical view we all have about spousal abuse.
I then went on to be totally disgusted by your line "..just because their girlfriend has hit them a few times." HOW DARE YOU!! how many times is ok then?? How many times does somebody need to be clumped before it stops being "A few times"? Have you ever been hit by somebody you loved?? I HAVE!! Its not nice, its not funny and it is certainly not helped by people like you!!!
Merlin, my love does go out to you, stay strong, learn to be emotionally stronger, and get out if thats an option. Distance yourself from the person you are when she hits you - make it feel like thats somebody else shes hitting.
Spousal abuse is a serious incident, the Police would be interested if you took it to them, try Victim support, they are great.
Good luck and please try and stay strong
Flower xx
Quote:
' I dont want any remarks or comments on this from women please. '
merlin obviously thought that women would laugh at him because he was being beaten. He wasn't prepared to give any women the chance to advise him on this problem. I detest any form of domestic violence, and joko undoubtedly feels the same way. However you have to question merlins motives in the above statement.
I for one do not like people coming on to a public forum and dictating who can and cannot post. It is no wonder both joko & nox picked up on this.
' I dont want any remarks or comments on this from women please. '
merlin obviously thought that women would laugh at him because he was being beaten. He wasn't prepared to give any women the chance to advise him on this problem. I detest any form of domestic violence, and joko undoubtedly feels the same way. However you have to question merlins motives in the above statement.
I for one do not like people coming on to a public forum and dictating who can and cannot post. It is no wonder both joko & nox picked up on this.
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