Has my Dad gone senile???????????????

[flyflotfloos]

My Mum died in March and within 3 months he had started a relationship with a 35 year old woman, he is 69!! This has disgusted myself and my sister and is totally out of character. I am married and live in my own home but my sister still lives at home. Last week my Dad made the statement that he was thinking of living with this woman and possibly in the family home. The understanding of my parents wills that I have is that my sister was entitled to live at home as long as she wanted and upon my Dad's death the property would pass into mine and my sisters possesion equally. As you can imagine she could not continue to live there if this woman moved in. We are now worried that this woman is getting her feet under the table and our inheritance will dissapear. Is there any advice out there.

[natalie_1982]

I am with InAPickle on this one. Have you tried talking to your dad? Personally I think you sound more concerned about the fact that you might lose your inheritance than your dad's personal welfare and I can see perfectly well why he has sought comfort in the arms of another woman so soon after your mother's passing if you cannot provide him with comfort and support.

I would suggest speaking with your father and gently suggest that it is very soon to be getting involved in another relationship so soon, but that (I hope) your and your sister's concerns are that he is getting involved for the wrong reasons and that you do not want to see him being hurt. Let him know that you love and care for him and that you want him to be happy, that you cannot understand what he is going through but that you'd like to try.

I am very close to my father and my priority would be to care for him and make sure that he is healthy and stable, before I even considered brooching the subject of what inheritance (if any) I would be entitled to.

[tiny e.a]

Is there any reason that your sister can't get her own house? Any disability or anything? If not, why doesn't she move out? It seems a bit strange to just live in a house waiting for the time that it will become yours.

I imagine if my Father shacked up with another woman so soon after my mums death I would be deeply hurt, so you have my sympathy there. However, I would talk to my Dad, try and understand what's going on in his head and I hope i WOULD BE ABLE TO ACCEPT HIS DECISIONS HOWEVER HARD i MAY FIND THEM, FOR THE SAKE OF OUR (sorry about the caps!) own relationship.

[Beanmistriss]

It must be pretty hard to see him with someone else so soon. However everyone copes in diffirent ways and you have to allow him to cope the way he can and needs to. It doesn't matter how long he mourns or how much he loved her, your mum will never come back. So if he can find comfort with someone else then shouldn't he have a second chance to be happy? Imagine the thought that at 69 you might live another 20 years with no one to snuggle up to or say they loved you ever again.

As for the age gap, who gives a sausage. My blokes 15 years older than me but we're happy and really couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. If you sister really couldn't live in the house with her then thats her choice. You say your sister was entitled to stay in the house as long as she wanted. I'm assuming your dads not asking her to leave? So it would be her choice to leave if she felt she needed to and the part about for "as long as she wanted" would have been fulfilled.

As for your inheritance. If I lost one of my parents then all I would want would be for the remaining one to be happy. If that ment that they married someone else who took their assetts when thay died it would be more important to me that they lived happy. My parents made their own money and theres no reason I can't do the same. Your fater must be struggling enough without feeling he has to choose between another chance of happiness and his kids.

[patsyquinn]

I think I would feel just the same as you - disgusted and hurt. However, as with children who chose bad partners, the worst thing you can do is try to intervene. The age difference is so vast that the affair may blow itself out. On the other hand if this girl really cares about your dad wouldn't that be good for him?

Men are useless on their own and it's not uncommon for a bereaved man to find another partner much sooner than a woman would.
Step back for a while and watch - see how this new female treats your father. Don't judge him just yet - he may have loved your mother deeply but can'r bear being alone.
Give it time but don't alienate your father - and stop worrying about the financial aspect, it may never be a problem!

[stressing1]

I've been thinking about this for a day or so, and I think your Dad has done this because he's lonely. I am assuming he and your mother were together for very long time and she has left a huge void in his lfe that he needs to fill as soon as possible, but her death affected him so much he couldn't bear to go through the pain and anguish of losing someone like that again, so he went for a woman a lot younger than him. Someone that he could pretty much guarantee will outlive him. Give him time and support and I'm sure he'll open up to you about his reasons for wanting to be with this new lady and maybe you night even like her eventually.

[JustSia]

The only thing you should be worried about is your dad�s happiness and not your inheritance. How incredibly selfish of you and your sister! I don�t care but no amount of good will on your parents� side entitle you 2 to anything that they may or may not wish to leave to you. What is it about children going short of putting post-its on their parents� property when discussing their future? SENILE?! How dare you? Have some respect! Fair enough you may be grieving for you mother, but your dad is STILL alive and he is entitled to live out his days being as happy as he can and if that means falling in love with someone half his age who makes him feel young and alive rather than being stuck at home having his daughters fight over the inheritance and pick out the grave stones I know what I�ll go for. Grow up and get a life. If you don�t know how just ask your dad!

[riapnash]

I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your mum such a short time ago - you must still be very devastated and whilst your father's actions have caused a lot of distress; none of us can control how our close family or friends live their lives, even if our opinions differ greatly from their's. In most, all we can do is try and accept the choices they have made and move on. I know this is easier said than done, but your father has made his choice - it may turn out that this relationship fizzles out, or grows stronger but on your part, unless you want to lose you father, there is no point in trying to fight against what he obviously wants. You both need to sit down with your father and in a civilised manner, talk through the percussions that his actions will obviously cause if he moves this woman in. Does he actually know how much of a threat your sister perceives this woman as? & what you are both feeling at the moment? I know this woman is a lot younger than your father, but what do you actually know about her? Very little, I doubt - your anger is blocking any desire to actually wanting to get to know this person. I recall the phrase 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' which we are all guilty of doing at some point or another.
As to the inheritance concerns, this is another area where you will stubbornly have to accept whatever your father decides - to live one's life hoping you will get 'this or that' when someone dies is not to be valuing that person in the present tense and you are only thinking of what you will gain. We cannot use our parents as an assurance that we will property, money, etc - value your father in the here and now, forget about what he owns and what you think you will be due - this isn't loving someone. I am sorry if this sounds philosphical, but at the end of the day, family is all that should matter - money & possessions are irrelevant and you cannot replace a person.

[WendyS]

I am sorry you have lost your mother and it must be a terrible shock for you to see you father take up a new relationship so quickly, especially to somebody so much younger than himself. But try and understand that your father is not just a parent; he is also an individual in his own right. I suspect you have always viewed him from the perspective of a daughter and possibily might have been unaware of other aspects of his life he may not have been able to share with you. Possibly he and your mother didn't have a sex life for many years but he would not have felt able to share that fact with his daughters. Maybe he is now trying to make up for that and to fill the gap of companionship that has been left by your mother's death. As close as we are to our parents, there is always a private side to them as individuals that we are not privy to, and I suspect that this is one aspect that you will have to come to terms with, as will your sister. Unless your parents' house was in joint names as tenants in common and she left her share of the house in trust for you and your sister, there is nothing you can do about protecting what your see as "your inheritance". The reality is that it was your parents who earned the money to pay for the house and if your father chooses to remarry and leave it to his second wife, unless either of you are financially dependent on him, he can do what he likes with the property. It would be better for you to take a deep breath, try and understand your father's position and try to keep on good terms with him. This relationship may not last. If it does, your early antagonism will always be in his mind and will spoil your relationship with him. , and if it doesn't, the long term problem may not arise anyway.

[treborrobert]

tell him !!!!!!! you are his children ... she is just a girlfreind...sit him down and ask him whats going on and were do you stand if anything happens to him.. and his he doing a will ... get it sorted before she dus ... get it !!!

[ash24]

Is it not a bit (NO - ALOT) unseemly that people fight about what they are going to be left ... when there is not even a corpse yet.
I am 68. I have been, thankfully, divorced from my b**ch of an ex-wife since 1979. I have 2 extremely well adjusted children, of 35 and 32.
I also have a partner. We have been together for the last 4 and a half years. She is 29.
I have made my point very clear to all. I have worked very hard for what I have got. If there is any bickering AT ALL ... then nobody will get anything. I will spend it all myself.
People ought to be satisfied with what they have got and learn that nothing and nobody owes them a living. You want the money, then go out there and earn it.
Our little ship is happy with that set of ground rules.