am i being selfish

[its_me_baby]

i have asked my mum in law to have my toddler so i can go to a hen night in 2 weeks time and she has said no.
I know she has no other plans cause on a sunday we always go and visit my hubby (her son) in prison.
I haven't been out in well over a year and she had my toddler every other sunday till may when my hubby was put away. then she suddenly stopped. I think shes just being spitefull cause she knows i been feeling low lately as im home with my 2yr old and baby all the time. She never helps me and im getting really annoyed that she thinks im not entitled to have a break. The last time i asked her to babysit was so i could get my bloody eyes tested and she even moaned about that aswell. Do i say something or should i just ignore her and not bother anymore.

[loo loo bear]

Sorry you are having a tough time.

Have you asked her for a reason for her refusal?

I think if I was you, I'd try & stay on as good terms as you can with her, but ask around elsewhere for someone to care for your kids so you can have a night out.

Take care x

[redcrx]

you cant just expect her to babysit. The fact that youre home with a baby is hardly her responsibility is it?

Have you no friends who you can ask? You need to be able to get on with life without relying on her, some grandparents live miles away from their grandchildren and cant babysit.

Yes, i do think that you are being slightly selfish.

[its_me_baby]

well redcrx she always used 2 have my 2yr old on a sunday nite without fail and its only him i asked her to have. I don't rely on her but she has the cheek 2 moan if i leave both the kids with my mate 4 an hour when i have job interviews or go and get my fortnightly food shop. What makes me laugh is when my hubby was young she used 2 dump him on her dad everyday while she went out partying

[redcrx]

just because she did that herslef doesnt mean that you have a right to do it. Its her decision unfortunately. Of course she may regret not seeing her grandchildren more when they are older but its still her choice.

I can imagine its probably not easy with your husband being in prison but try and get on with life. Is there any sort of support for families effected by one in prison? Is there a surestart in your area or a toddler group where you can take the children out to meet other children and you to meet other mums. Speak to your health visitor for info.

The children are relying on you to sort things out and to find a way to be happier with your life, that way they will be happier. Im sure your MIL understands that sometimes mums need a break but perhaps shes angry that her son is not there facing the responsibility of a wife and 2 young children.

[Reverandfunk]

I think mother outlaw is being a bit slack.

Your the mother to her grandkids and it must be hard 4 all of u at the moment but you think she would relish time with her grandkids. Ok she has lost a son for the moment but the kids have lost a dad and u a husband.

Personally I would get another babysitter if you can and dont ask her for anything else.

[chameleon]

maybe if your husband had not broken the law he could have look after his own son...

[Reverandfunk]

Fair point by Chameleon, its not your fault he broke the law but it looks like shes punishing you as opposed to supporting you.

[4getmenot]

she might not have any other plans but maybe just maybe she doesnt want to or just wants a relaxing night. we all get like that from time to time. Dont take it up with her morw hastle than its worth, just ask someone else if you cant then sorry you'll just have to look after your child.

[4getmenot]

sorry more hassle :-)

[Reverandfunk]

Or she could just be a vindictive old witch 4get lol

[4getmenot]

yer she might be that aswell but obviously she wants you to notice her so dont give her the satisfaction by begging her just find someone else

[blondie123]

I dont think you are been unreasonable at all! I think that she is just trying to stop you going out cos her son is in jail! maybe she thinks you will meet someone else! if i were you i'd have another word with her and if she still says no then try and find someone else! and next time she wants to see her grandchild tell her she cant! there again i am stubborn and that probably aint the best approach but hey...

[its_me_baby]

she knows i don't leave the kids with any1 cause i don't know any1 in my area and there is a flying start but im not allowed 2 attend cause i don't live in what they call an underprivalliged area.
Just gna avoid her as much as possible and as for my hubby breaking the law it was stuff he did when he was younger that caught up with him through fingerprints.

[VillageVicar]

It�s a difficult situation and I have the greatest sympathy for you. I have friends who are in similar circumstances. They have two children and have given up asking their mother/mother in law to care for them.

But when I speak with her, she has a different position. She is upset with how her son and his wife live their lives. She�s distraught because her grandchild is brought to her without nappies, is dirty, hungry and appearing in generally poor health. She�s also upset because they never contact her or include her in anything, except for when they want her to babysit. From her body language and words, it is clear that her feelings are hurt and she feels used.

By no means am I suggesting any of this is in regards to you. Relationships are always complex, especially in light of your additional circumstances.

With limited knowledge of the dynamics here: might you be able to find someone else to care for your child for the few hours you are out? And then, during the ensuing weeks, find time to have some visits with your in-law, not requesting anything, but merely to be with one another as friends. You may find that her demeanour begins to change, especially if she has felt that she was being used.

I�m not going to throw out the �church� thing. But I will offer that within my own parish, we have a large number of senior citizens who provide sitting services so young people can get out and do shopping, apply for jobs and even have a break from time to time. In other words, they become an extended family.

It�s just food for thought.

I wish you every success

Fr Bill

[sally1001]

goodness some people on here are really nice and supportive aren't they...!?!
I think your mother-in-law is being a b***h but there is no point confronting her. she'll just deny it and a row will start and then everyone will get upset even your hubby.
Best to just find your own way to get back at her - perhaps any time she asks you for anything tell her you're washing your hair...
x

[its_me_baby]

my mum in law is always asked if she fancies coming out on trips with me n the kids and when she has my toddler i send nappies and offer her money for his food. She has only had the baby since he was born so i know she doesn't think im takin the ****

[tiggerblue10]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Just ignore her and don't take the kids to her anymore. She'll soon realise what she has lost. If she asks you for anything say that you are busy with the kids. And if she knows you're feeling low and doesn't help then she is not worth having around.

I know this doesn't help with the kids on your night out but if you can't find anyone then you probably don't have a choice. What about any of your family?