I want to do the right thing

[Jeffju]

My partner and I don't live together. I live with my 18 yr old daughter. I do spend more time at my partner's house than my own and my daughter spends quite a bit of time on her own at home. She is emotionally quite young for her age although she has a part time job, a few nice friends and is at full time college. I know I am expecting a lot from her and she does visit my partner's home occasionally. They like each other but my partner has had a previous relationship with children involved and feels reluctant to get too attached to her. I feel I am being so unfair to her although she is an adult now and can look after herself. I suppose I am looking for someone to say "you have a life too, and she is 18!" but I feel so guilty about her and pressured by my partner.

She says she doesn't mind cooking for herself sometimes, its

[Jillius]

If they get on ok then it doesn't sound as if you should be too worried, but if he starts expecting you to always put him before your daughter then perhaps alarm bells should ring.
But at 18 she may well settle down with someone soon so if this man is special then stick with him. He maybe had good reasons for not really wanting to be in the lives of the kids from his other relationships ot they were maybe only small and he didn't want to bond with them and then lose them.

[sarnieken]

Have you spoken to her about it?

Is your daughter ready to start living life on her own?
this could be an opportunity for her to start living independently and to mature emotionally.

You could move in with your partner and allow your daugher to pay rent to you and possibly share the house with a friend.
It allows you to be with your partner,
It gives your daughter the space to develop herself emotionally.
It gives her the responsibility that someone of her age isn't used to these days.
You still keep your house and your daughter isn't being asked to leave.
You are still there for any problems but you are able to spend more time with your partner.


Just an idea, see what you think?
K

[annie0000]

I bought my first flat and left home at 18. My parents were not far away, but I managed absolutely fine - and that was dealing with my own bills and mortgage etc. I think it is hard to accept that your children are growing up, but as sarnieken said, maybe she could get a friend to share with her.