5 year old who asks about daddy

[younggranny]

how to discuss to a 5 year old that her dadddy was the one that left. that it wasnt mommy. she wants to see him. but every time she was going to he would'nt be able to. then he would go for 4 months and not even a phone call

[onlyme26]

hiya
sorry about your situation, its not something you expect to happen when you have a baby with someone, you expect them to be there for you :o(

anyway, as hard as it is, there isnt much point trying to explain to you 5 yr old that it was all daddys fault etc, because they wont understand and will feel really hurt by this,
its wrong of him to ignore his child for months on end, and it makes me angry that they can walk in after months and think they have so many rights!!

at the end of the day, you are the one that is there to feed your child and bath them, and wipe their tears when they cry, first day at school etc, they will grow up to remember and appreciate that, and very doubtful with throw the blame your way, they are very clever kids,

i would just explain that daddy is away working and will come and visit very soon,

are you on talking terms with the dad? maybe try and reason with him, give him ultermatams, i mean if he doesnt want to be in regular contact then have none at all as his absence is hurting his child when he doesnt visit for months on end,

good luck :o)

[Lil O'lady]

Distraction. Buy her a nice goldfish in a big glass tank. maybe even a mummy goldfish and a daddy goldfish, then you can talk about roles without being personal about her mummy and daddy.

[mumandmore]

i never ever say anything negative about my children's dad to them or in their hearing. if daddy cannot be bothered or is unable to see your daughter i believe that you should just say he couldn't come because he is working, or he is busy or what ever the truth is but in a neutral way. if you don't know why, just say that.
she will adore her daddy or hate him whatever you say, and later on in life she will soon realise who is the one who cares most for her.
my kids love their dad, and despite the things he has done i encourage him to see them. one day they will make their choice with their feet, and it won't be the unreliable one they turn to.
if you slag him off- -even slightly, or stop him from seeing her, and later on she meets him and likes him you will get all the blame for the problems, even if it is not your fault.
interestingly through five years of being persistantly consistant, reasonable but not a pushover and communcative, my ex is finally acting like the adult he is. my kids are 5 and 7 and we split up when i was 7 month pregnant with my now 5year old.

[Ice.Maiden]

I agree with mumandmore. I'd never poison a child's mind against an errant father, because at that age, they're too young to understand the varied reasons that can be behind it all. I wouldn't use the words "too busy", because that could make a child feel even more unwanted, but yes, you could excuse his presence by saying that "daddy's working hard", etc. Later in life, the child'll be able to make his or her own decisions.

[Lily_b]

I can only agree with what has been said before, my nieces dad rarely (if ever) made dates arranged for visits or even remembered birthdays/christmas. Just be honest as to why he cannot make the visits with your child, but do not belittle his significance to them (even if you have to bite your tongue on occasions), they will figure it out in the end..

Recently my nieces (now 12 & 11) told their mum that they don't want him to be their dad any more and they asked their stepdad if they could call him Dad.

[ddaisy992]

I agree whole heartedley with the replys so far, you cant possibly assign blame as she is still very young too under stand. Make sure that you talk about her daddy often an maybe compile a scrapbook of photos with memento's of them or even the full family unit. If you are on speaking teams with him tell him that he needs too take a more active roll, write to him if needs be.

[zzxxee]

have been there with my kids its heartbreaking when they are little just do the best you can thats all you can do you no whats right for your kids, lots of love and most things fall into place

[lil75]

Been through a similar thing, the man was never interested in the kids, when they were very little it was ararnged that he would come and take them out for the day on a saturday, the 1st week he turned up, all fine, the kids had a good time, the week after that, he didnt show, with no explanation...I was later told by a friend that he was in a pub with a woman!!! He then see fit to take this woman to his mothers with her 2 CHILDREN (his mother lived opposite me!) and parade them in front of all of our faces, you couldnt miss it. I didnt want to let him see them after that and he never bothered. Then he started turning up a few years later, begging for forgiveness and tellin me how genuine he was, this went on for months before I could allow myself to trust him again, I eventually let him see them, he took them out and bought them allsorts...it didnt last long, it was all a ploy to get back with me, as soon as he realised I didnt want him, he hasnt bothered since!!! My son is very hurt by him, my son is 10 now and wants nothing to do with him, which is a terrible thing for me to have to witness, but my son says he has everything he needs in me, which is a lovely thing to say, but it doesnt take away the hurt...as advised by everyone else, keep doing what your doing, being there etc and let the little un come to her own conclusion...some men eh, I could never do anything to hurt my children, and yet some of them can do it so easily without a thought for anyone else other than themselves!!!

[lil75]

Wizard66, what a lovely thing to say, his loss is your gain...dont get many men like you!!!

[ddaisy992]

their are some realy sad stories that you hear about and wizard66 yours kind of restores the faith a bit.