Child Support

[ConfusedDad]

I have two problems.

1. I make payments for my son thru csa direct, no problem their, however the mother is claiming I need to pay money for before she contacted the csa also. Apparently if I don't she's going to take me to court to get it and says it's a condition of me being able to see him!! Can she do this??

2. I also have a step daughter with the same woman. I have voluntarily been paying a maintenance amount direct to the mother as I feel I should as although she's not my daughter I basically bought her up. Recently with christmas and stuff I have been struggling to make this payment. She is now demanding this money, saying if I don't she'll stop me seeing the children, I have offered to set up a standing order but she refuses saying she'll only accept cash for my step daughter...!!! Help what do I do, I don't mind paying the money but want to make it official and pay direct to her bank account...

Don't seem to be able to do right for wrong so any advice is appreciated

[redcrx]

why dont you call the csa and ask for their advice?

[ummmm]

You have no legal obligation to pay for your step daughter unless you adopted her.

What's her natural father paying?

[daffy654]

It sounds like the mother is using emotional blackmail to get you to pay her extra money.If she thinks she can get the money she says you owe from before the CSA payments then why isn't she seeking legal advice on that issue?
I would make an appointment to see a family law solicitor as soon as you can to get a formal visitation agreement in place (so that she can't stop access visits).Do not give her any money in a way that can't be proved with documentation as she could easily say you haven't paid her - and you would have no proof you had.

[ConfusedDad]

CSA say they can not get involved with anything prior to the date the claim was made with them.

My step daughters father is not paying anything and is not being chased for payment to my knowledge.

I've requested the mothers bank details to set up a standing order to make it all official but she says she won't provide them and will only accept cash or cheque.

If I stop paying she's going to poison the children against me as she has been doing already...I don't want to lose them and a contact order can't force the children to visit me,

[lozzylou]

firstly she may be asking you to pay cash so that she dont have to declare that she is recieving the money. if she is claiming anf tax credits/income support/jsa they deduct some of it from her benefits. my partner has a son and paid his ex by cash for 9 months untill we had a letter from csa wanting money for the last 9 months . as we had pid cah we had no proof. she agreed to drop the case with the csa if we continued to pay her cash so that the dwp didnt know she was getting the money. this could be the cash with your ex.

my partners ex always used his son against him saying if i dont get any money you dont see your son. even if he rang her to pre warn her that he hadnt been paid or whatever she would still use this. you need to get a solicitor so that you have an agreed agreement as to when you see your child, if it is done legally she cannot keep using this. do this as soon as possible an d until you have sorted things out keep up with your payments as this will go against you. as for your step daughter i dont think you have any legal rights to see her but at the same time you also have no legal rights to pay maintanance for her.

[Le Chat]

Why didn't you pay money before the CSA? People only use the CSA to chase partners who are non-payers?
I hate this kind of treatment from adult parents, where they use children as pawns....I feel sorry for you in that respect. I have an ex husband who pays only �10 per week for his son, although he is rich (yet self-employed) However, I would never stop him seeing his son in order to get him to pay more for 2 reasons. 1) It is an issue between myself and him, not him and his child. 2) He is so tight he would probably not see his son instead and that would not be in my son's best interest.

[WiseOldSage]

1. The CSA told me that payments are not retrospective - in fact it only comes into play from the moment the "estranged" parent is contacted
2. I thought that, unless you legally adopted, you were not liable for children other than the ones you had fathered? Maybe that's why she wants cash - ring the CSA advice line and get it from the horses mouth - then you can make your decisions about how much you want to pay voluntary.
3. If she stops contact get your access through the courts

When are bitter women going to accept that you cannot charge fathers for seeing their kids? My ex is out of work - not his fault - do I stop him seeing his son cos he isn't paying? No I don't

[gbradfield]

no under no curcumstances give her cash directly as you then have no proof that you are paying, secondly my thoughts are that she is asking for you to do this so she doesnt have to declare it. the only time the courts would support her in not allowing access is if the children are at risk ie through you being violent etc to which then she is within her rights to do so. if you are struggling with the payment may i suggest you make a smaller payment to show your worth that you are very very much willling to pay and in the case that it ever went to court it would back up your evidence that you are doing just thst. You have no legal obligation to pay maintenance to your step daughter however this also means that you havre no legal rights regarding contact with her. My i suggest you go and seea solisitor, you may even be entitled to legal aid. good luck!