Am I being an over-protective mum? Help!

[Rach2008]

My son is in Year 7 at his secondary school (the 1st year, for those of us who do old money!) - it is in a different gegraphical area completely to his primary school, so he did not know anyone to start with. He is a placid,sensitive and intelligent boy (comfortably achieved level 5 in all subjects at the end of Year 6) who just missed out on a place at the local grammar school. The school he is at now is new and has a poor reputation,behaviour and achievement level but was the only one available within a 15 mile area. He has been constantly picked on,verbally and physically attacked (i.e being punched in the stomach (winding him badly) and the private parts (leaving him doubled over in pain and crying in the corridor - at this point, 3 teachers simply walked past and did not even ask him if he was ok) - this has happened on at least 8 occasions. In the autumn term, I took him to our GP due to concerns over him expressing a wish to end his life, because he feels unworthy, because of all this. The GP advised talking to the school counsellor - this has changed nothing at all. His words to me tonight were 'I can't do anything because if I do,they will get their mates in Year 10 to beat me up and I'll end up with broken arms'. I rang the school and am waiting for a call from his tutor, as all the teachers leave when school finishes at 3. I have been to see his personal tutor before,to no effect. What should I do? Should I (as my conscience is telling me to) keep him out of school until I can find an alternative? Why don't the teachers seem to care? Any genuine advice would be gratefully received - thank you in advance.

[aniani]

This is totally unacceptable, you should write a letter to the Chair of Governors including all the information and detail you have posted here. Good luck with it

[puddicat]

yep

[sara3]

I have to say, Rach.. I'd keep him home. it's the school's responsibility to make sure your son is safe, and they're failing miserably. I feel so sad for him.

where did his primary school friends end up? if I were you I'd be trying to get him in somewhere else asap, where he will feel more secure.

best of luck x

[novalis]

Get the Local Education Authority involved as well. As a former teacher it sickens me that some ( not all ) members of the profession can be so callously uncaring.

[Rach2008]

Thank you all so much for your replies - you have re-assured me that I'm not being silly. I will write to the Governors and the L.A - I'm not sure how serious the L.A. will take it, as their response when I rang , them in August, when no place was available at any school, was 'oh well'!It's such a shame - he was a GnT student at primary school and spent Year 6 going to Year 7 classes at secondary school for maths and science, but doesn't even get homework now.
But anyway, thank you very much.

[saxy_jag]

Put it this way, you are responsible for your child's safety and it's your responsibility as a parent to ensure his care and safety. That includes, when placing him in the care of others, ensuring they are fit people to care for him.

Therefore, write to the chair of governors and copy the letter to the head teacher. Say that unless they can deal with the bullies and ensure your son's safety, you are not prepared to leave him in their care, as to do so is to compromise your integrity as a parent.

If this gets you nowhere, phone the education authority's HQ and ask to speak to someone higher. Either that or write straight to the director of education. You could also notify your local councillor and/or MP. If you get no joy there, your local BBC can work wonders.

You might also want to think about reporting these incidents of neglect to the police. Your son is being assaulted and, as I've said, the school are failing to protect him as is their legal duty.

Basically, make big waves and keep making them until someone comes to your aid.

[tillyh345]

Yes dont make him go back to the school...my son was bullied badly at school however we never found out until it was too late the damage had been done and really shot his confidence to bits, left him feeling depressed and feeling worthless, and he later went on to get involved in with the wrong sort and eventually all that involves petty crime, drugs etc.

I wish I had the chance to turn the clock back because the damage can be irrepairable.

[kira000]

4 Things to do:

Right to the headteacher with a concise and unemotional summary of the incidents and the occassions you have tried to resolve it with the school and ask for a meeting to discuss. Advise in the letter that you are very unhappy with the way the situation has been handled and that you are also contacting with copies:
1)The head of the governors
2)The LEA (Local education authority)
3)Your MP.

Make a copy of your letter and send it to each of the above, with a covering letter asking for their support.

Hopefully you should suddenly find things move alot more quickly.

Good Luck!

[Rach2008]

Thank you - you have all been very helpful for a worried mum.
I will do all the above and (hopefully) report back with better news.

[gbradfield]

how awful !! i saw my brother get bullied all through school so i know haw bad it can make someone feel. Personally i would keep your son of school afterall its the schools responsibility to make sure your child is safe in school and there obviously not doing that. Just so he doesnt fall behind request that the school sends you the coursework to do at home. Also i would go straight to the top such as the LEA with your complaint. good luck

[carmalee]

yell, scream and do whatever it takes for 'them' to acknowledge the situation. It will be too late when there is another tragedy. until 'they' do , continue to protect your child in whatever way you think is right and to hell with beaurocracy.if the scenarios you describe are accurate (three teachers walking past an incident on eight occasions - this makes 24 cases of gross negligence of care - the fact that your son has expressed a desire to end his life signifies the urgent need to take him out of the system that obviously doesn't care for him and put him under your care. You know best .

[Yvaines09]

I would write to the Head and the Governors at the same time - threaten to get the police involved over the assaults if they do not address it ... A School Governor

[Fish the Mod]

I am a School Governor, Just note that they may be the best of mates with the Teachers and if they seem unhelpful contact the Director of Education in the borough ( dont tell the Gov's or the Headteacher). Is your son the only one, if there are others that can they come forward as well. Remember it is a School problem, you say to them ' how are you going to deal with YOUR problem. Tell your son that he is not at fault and though it is easy to shy away, he must support you the best he can.

[sandmaster]

I cannot add any more to the above. Just wish you luck. Yes - you need to act.

[obNOXious]

Agrtee with all of the above, which is incidentally the same reason we removed our eldest son from school years ago and home educated the rest of our kids since.
Very good luck to you, don't send him back to school until it's sorted and preferably they've found him a new school where he can start afresh.

[Lil O'lady]

It is completely unacceptable. Find out who the chair of governors is from the school or the local authority. Write a complaint to the chair of governors and to the director of education in your local authority. Write to your MP with the same complaint. It beggars belief that the school is allowing misbehaviour on this scale.
If you can, I recommend you take a home-teaching route with your son, and perhaps try another approach to the grammar.
The evidence that you have to provide to demonstrate your child is being taght at home is very simple.
Look for online networks of other parents doing this.
But please do not subject your lad to any more of this terrible school.

[Rach2008]

Thank you all so much - your answers have been helpful, informative and re-assuring. God bless AB!

[DEN53]

My son is now 19 but back when he was in year 8 of secondary school - we had a similar problem - he refused to go back to school after the six weeks holidays - to this day we never knew why - I know it was not physical bullying, because he would punch their lights out, but we suspect it was mental bullying. It was so unlike him to totally refuse to go to school, even to the point he would cry.

I took him out of the school (it was a rubbish school, had been put on specials measures by Offsted !) - and we went on appeal to get him into another secondary school - I was threatened with being taken to Court etc, but I stood my ground and eventually he was accepted into another secondary school.

Unfortunately some schools seem to pander more to the pupils who are the trouble makers and other 'normal' pupils are left by the wayside.

Stand your ground Rach - keep him of school until you find an alternative one. I did and it paid off !!!!!!!

I would just add, we never chose this school, unfortunately in the postcode lottery of what school you move onto, we never got any of or 3 choices, so thats how he ended up there.