Some feedback please

[CherryBea24]

Hi everyone,

Not posted for some time as I have been going through a really though time, anyway I just want to know what the general feeling is about someone who lies about having cancer, been in a relationship for seven years have given up everything for this man, I gave him my heart an soul. through this time lots of things happened like bereavements, losing a job etc. usual things that happen and now for no apparent reason just wants to end the relationship without any explanation as to why says hes not well and that he has got cancer but there is no proof as we do not live together I don't see him much and since he lost his job its got less and less he has become angry and harsh towards me won't speak and only text me after seven years of phoning and texting all day. I have uncovered lies and deceit in the past and have forgiven him was just reading the other post by shakma and I know how she feels but bear in mind someones is life has been left in bits by no fault of there own the thing I did wrong was to believe this man for seven years . I know it sounds like case of cold feet but I think he has gone the wrong way about it and caused unnecessary hurt to myself and my daughter
Thank you for taking the time to read this. there is alot more but would be rambling on forever.
Its just that I think its so totally wrong to lie about health problems

Cherry

[woofgang]

Sorry love, but my thought is that you should have walked 7 years ago, failing that, now would be good, you are worth more than this.

[NOX]

Well at the risk of incurring your wrath, do you actually KNOW he hasn't got cancer? Just because he hasn't shown you proof doesn't mean that it's not true- I actually know a lady who was diagnosed with cancer and the first thing she did was go home and walk out on her husband- sometimes it takes people that way- and his being angry and bitter could indeed be related to that. Now if he hasn't got cancer that's a different matter- he clearly wants some space or to cool things down with you and in the absence of him talking to you, you'll just have to accept that he wants to cool things down. Don't dwell on it, you can nurse a grudge forever but it'll never get better, and you'll be the one left feeling hurt and angry, not him.

[CherryBea24]

Well tell me what you think then ?How long do you wait for tests results and why would they not have done a scan just keep saying they are going to do it and how can you really trust someone that has lied before.

I don't understand how you can just cut someone off without an explanation if he has got cancer why wouldn't he say so its not something I am ever going to understand.

I have never heard of this happening before Nox about someone just leaving did she tell him why she was going he must have wanted to know.

Cherry

[bednobs]

agreed. I used to work with cancer pts and i remember 1 of them telling me cancer was the best think that ever happened to him cause he realised he didn't love/like his wife and left her.
To be honest, i cant really understand your story from your post, so can't advise

[wolf63]

I would say that he is hiding 'something' from you - maybe a wife and family.

If you truly believe that he is using you just walk away.

[ummmm]

Well tell me what you think then ?How long do you wait for tests results and why would they not have done a scan

How long do you wait for test results? That would depend on where the cancer is (?)

Why haven't they done a scan....That would depend on where the cancer is (?)

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a liar....

Like they say...you know where you stand with a thief...you never know where you stand with a liar..!

[andy-hughes]

Whether or not your partner has cancer - and yes, it would be very low to lie about something like that - your relationship is obviously in serious difficulties.

i suggest you contact him and ask to meet up so you can talk over your current status as a couple.

If he refuses to see you, then break contact completely - seriously hard I know - but this is the time to see what your partnership is made of - and if it has solid foundations on which to build a future.

If he doesn't get in touch, it's time to move on.

This won't be solved in five minutes, so stay in touch, there is plenty of support on here for you.

[NOX]

Hi Cherry, the lady concerned I don't know very well, however she did speak to me about it in relation to renting a house from me and basically she said pretty much what bednobs said- that after her diagnosis she realised how stale and unfulfilling her realtionship was and it was a sort of wake up call. Having a time limit- knowing you are potentially finite soon seemed to make her realise that we all only have a little time on earth and that hers was running out and she wasn't prepared to spend it with someone who didn't fulfil her needs- wheras before I think she had grown a little complacent and had taken the road of least resitance and stayed with someone who she had fallen out of love with.
I'm really sorry your feeling so bad but I think you need to accept that it appears he wants some space be it short term or permanently.

[CherryBea24]

Thank you very much for your feedback am going to hang on a little longer knowing this man like I do I can't see him hurting me intentionally not really not deep down. so I have decided to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Nox it was very helpful to read your comments have never heard that before but can see the logic in it I am obviously getting overwrought at the situation I am obviously in shock and cannot believe that he may be ill after losing so many people I don't want it to happen again, he knows this and doesn't want to stress me further.

Thank You everybody

Cherry

[ummmm]

Cherry...don't delude yourself in the process. He may well just not want to be with you anymore. Prepare yourself for it..

[wolf63]

cherry - good luck. I am afraid that I am one of life's cynics and that often leads me to presume the worse possible outcome from any situation.

Males are not, as a rule, very good at verbalising their emotions and talking about touchy-feely stuff (neither am I) but the two of you really need to sit down and work out what is happening and where your relationship is going.

[Jemisa]

I'm reading between the lines here. And it sounds to me he has dumped you, he's not interested any more Cherry, can't you see that? This cancer story (if it is a story) is meant to shack you to keep away.
Ignor him now Cherry, do yourself and your daughter a favour you're well rid. Benifit of the doubt? You're mad.

jem

[Jemisa]

that should have been 'shock you' sorry

jem

[ChocolatChip]

There are two ways I could see it where he could actually have cancer.
My first suggestion, there are 7 stages to illness and traumas like this, one of them (towards the start of the process) is anger, which may explain all these problems that you are having at the moment.
Secondly, maybe he doesn't want you to see him in this kind of state, and thinks it will be best for you not to go through the problems and pain that is suffered during the time of someone having this kind of illness.
I think you need to trust unless you see the truth in black and white.

[CailinDeas]

Count yourself a lucky girl to have got away.

[askyourgran]

Cherry. after seven years you know this man has been deceitful and lied to you before and you have forgiven him. You both have space, not living together so there isn't the tie of a partnership in that sense. I think you know in your heart what you must do now. Don't hang on to something that is dead,