been living with my bf for 6 yrs and he still not readyy to move out?

[Amber11]

hello my bf is 25 as well as i am and been living together in his parents house and his whole family for more than 5yrs now..His 3 younger brothers (15 16 18) his sisters (12 21) and his 2 parents. His brothers have always been mean to me i would b in my room always minding my own bussiness and they always slam the door open and start throwing dirty sucks at me and apples . one time his mother had to take me out of the house because they woudnt leave me alone. another time they hit me with an apple in my eye and caused me a nose bleed...Ived cooked for this kids am always nice to them even thou hey put me thru hell and they still continue to make my life miserable..My bf knows all this n will tell them to stop but they will still bother me again...Me and him often will end up in a fight bcuz of his bothers bcuz i keep telling him that i want to move out but he says we are not financially stable but even if we were i dont think he would move out bcuz of he being so close with his fam...i dont know what to do anymore i feel mad at my bf bcuz its like he doesnt understand how happy i am there..Its like he doesnt see how much it sucks being picked at bcuz is not that to him..i dont know wat to do..please someone give me some advice and thank u for taking the time to read this.

[ljdksa]

Are you in a position to move out yourself? I think I would just get out of that environment. You would also get a bit of space and independence and decide whether your bf really has your best interests at heart. If you want to stay with him, he may also find it easier to make the move once you have.

[redcrx]

have you not considered moving out yourself? Thats not to say split up with him, but get your own place.

[LoftyLottie]

Not a good idea to be living with his family at all. As a man of 25 he should be prepared to move out and just be with you in my opinion. His first loyalties should be to you and I think you need to just be blunt with him and tell his he needs too choose between you or them. (Only as far as living arrangements are concerned).

It won't be easy financially, but it isn't for anybody. It is not fair on you at all. You need to be alone together even if it is only in a tiny flat. You can't have a proper relationship together if this goes on. Basically, the situation as it stands is that he is a lad living with his parents and you are a lodger in their house. Not nice!!

Stick up for yourself.

[LoftyLottie]

Red crx makes a good point. If he won't move out, move out without him. It will mean him having to make a decision.

[DTCwordfan]

am not sure if this is a troll attempt.........let's see a response from her

[LoftyLottie]

I don't see any reason why DT.

Someone is looking for help and finds a help site like AB. That's how most of us start off. A reasonable question by Amber and polite and not controversial.

[NOX]

I can't see why she's a troll DT. I can't think having come from and having a large family myself why this is improbable. My kids were perfectly foul to each other on occasion ( socks and apples would have been nothing).
To Amber:- this is obviously upsetting you a huge amount and that is perfectly valid. The thing is often with large boisterous families is that they are frequently horrible to one another witout them taking it seriously themselves. Do they KNOW this upsets you this deeply or are they simply being the way they are with each other? If the answer is yes then you are very clearly being bullied and you need to movge out. If no then you need a family meeting to straighten things out ( and in my opinion you and your fella would be happier at your ages with your own place anyway).

[craft1948]

It would be nice to get some response..............

[Amber11]

I think about moving out by myself but im so afraid that he woudnt follow . Its just a lot on me. I dont understand why they pick on me and its not bcuz them being jelous of his brother having a gf bcuz he spends more time with them playing video games then he does with me and we been all living 2gether for more than 5 yrs now so u think they would have accepted me by now..ufff..He just tells me to cheer up that they do like me...Hellooo!!! u dont treat someone that way when u like them..f****my life

[NOX]

Well actually amber if you're from a large family you often do treat people like that. My one son had his one eyebrow shaved off by his brothers another had his shoes nailed to the floor, the list is endless. You need to have a meeting and clarify exactly how they feel about you before you feel picked on- it may be what to them is harmless highjinks- but to you feels like bullying, but no-one can sort it out unless it's clearly laid down for them in a serious manner.

[arwyn]

Sorry but it sounds like he see's you as another sibling not a Girlfriend.

[Amber11]

The mother has told them to stop and to put themselves in my shoes..That is not right the way that they treat me but they just laugh and start making silly noises. The parents dont dicipline them either..They have bad grades in school always get away with everything and do whatever they want. Im not asking for much just for them to leave me alone..This hurts my feelings so much bcuz i dont do Anything to them whatsoever i go to work come home and go straight to my bedroom and try to come out least that i can. I just wish my bf would understand and say lets move out 2gether u dont deserve to be treated this way

[society]

Can't you leave and spend some time at your parents or other family, just to get away for a bit?

[Amber11]

Yes i could go to my mother she lives near by.. But i dont want to leave my bf and he doesnt like sleeping out of his house. Omg i feel like crying right now its like no ones in this house understands me not even my bf the person who should out of all. I wish i could just leave him and not care and forget about everything..Im pist bcuz he wont move out 6 yrs we been 2gether n i feel like he doesnt care. I know he doesnt like confrontation n i dont either but a person can only take so much and i feel like this is almost the end of the road for me. People always tell me just leave him and get your own place he will follow but i do have my fears n insecurities that he might not..What if i leave and he doesnt follow me n meets someone else..i know people will say then he didnt deserve u but its not easy thinking like that..I love him and wanna be with him for the rest of my life. Is either i leave at my own risk or stay and keep putting up with this crap..Im stuck in the middle.

[askyourgran]

Amber11 I would make a move to find somewhere else to live. It must be mayhem with 9 people living in the same house. I would have thought after 5 years your BF would have got something saved up to move out. Can you go back to your parents to live for a while until you find something for yourself. I would have taken the hint long before now if the brothers are being disrespectful to you. Don't put up with it, It's up to you to start the ball rolling, after all the family are in their own home.

[Amber11]

There is a lot going on in the house thats why im always in my room staying out of peoples way. I am considering considering having a serious conversation when my bf gets home from work 2day..Can anyone tell me what u think i should say to get it thru to him..I dont want to sound annoying as to i tell him all the time. Plss help me he should be home in 1 1/2 from work.

[society]

Do you have a job?

[Amber11]

Yes i do im a waitress and between my salary and tips i make about 300 a week

[DTCwordfan]

jot down you major concerns as bullet points that you want to raise with him - plus any evidence

make it clear that you arent being emotional, dont want to be emotional, that it isnt against him and that you love him.....and that you want to seek some actions forward with him and that both of you need to have time to think abouit solutions......

preferably do this on neutral territory like a coffee shop or whatever.

apologies about the troll comment but we do get a lot of crazy opening messages.....hope it works out

[Canary42]

You say you're afraid of moving out in case he doesn't follow. Well that would solve your problem, he doesn't love you, so dump him and find someone nicer.