need help/advice

[sian744]

Hi

i have a 7 yr old son with Autism, Adhd and Tourettes and challenging behaviour and also a 13 yr old Moody kevin! lol.

 I have a new partner who has taken us all on. I think he's great as do my 2 kids!! The problem i am having is that my partner isn't sure how to take my son (7yr old) when he wants to give him a hug etc and i find it hard that he pushes him away. He doesn't have any kids of his own either and generally he gets on with my boys.I don't force the issue and this is my first long term relationship with someone and my kids and i am not sure what's what to be honest. Has anyone got any advice? What's to be expected and not?

thanks

[brawburd]

I read that the other way round from Andy - i.e. your partner pushes your son away.  My suggestion would be to discuss it openly in the first instance.  Many "step" adults are unclear about boundaries etc.

Apologies if got the wrong end of it all!

[ajcmum]

I also read it the other way round, that its your partner pushing your son away??I have a 13 year old son who has ADHD and ODD, but he is a very loving child.  He has such low self-esteem, no confidence, and so he needs to know he is loved.  I'm not sure if this is how it is with our son, but if so, I would explain this to your partner and discuss it together.

p.s.  Well done for finding someone to take you all on, I cant find anyone!!

[sian744]

Hi all,

yes it is the other way round, it's my partner who does the pushing away.

Sian

[sian744]

Hi there All that have posted,

yes it's very hard, but for me it's harder to see this going on. It hurt me and i couldn't get him to see my way of thinking. We did have a talk about it over the weekend and he says now he will make an effort with my little boy. He felt uncomfortable i think because when my son went to hug him, A. he is not used to it and  B. my son used to feed of his reaction and give him more hugs then any of us.

 I know it's not easy and especially when the person you go out with has kids let alone a child with Autism so i know i am very lucky.

Thanks again for your advice,