Over-sensitivity in 8 year old boy

[lissyl78]

I have a beautiful eight year old son who is a sweet thoughtful, yet typical, boy. However, he's always been over-sensitive, perhaps due to being raised by an over-sensitive woman and no male role model. Since settling down with a man who my son adores, his crying over the smallest things has decreased. However, he will be starting middle school in September and I'm scared he'll get picked on for his crying outbursts. Have tried many different approaches to stop his tears but to no avail. Any advice or people with similar problems? Thanks x

[Emily Ball]

If he has a  sensitive and thoughtful nature, then those qualities should be cherished and no attempt made to 'toughen him up' , but I agree that crying outbursts could be a problem for him when he starts middle school. It sounds as if he now has a good male role model though and I'm sure things will improve over the summer holidays. This sounds very patronising but if you both teach him to laugh over his small calamities instead of  always taking it to heart, he'll manage to see the funny side of things rather than always get disappointed and frustrated and end up in tears..

[Rystan]

Oftentimes, a child's propensity for doing something is directly related to the response they get as a result. When he cries, do you in any way unwittingly encourage him? Do you pay him lots of attention, give him a favorite toy or snack, drop everything you're doing and turn your attention to him? If so, his outbursts might be the result of your reaction to them.

I recommend that, at the next outburst, you hold him at arm's length, firmly, look right into his eyes and say, "I can tell you're upset, and I love you very much. But this is not how a young man acts when he's unhappy. Come see me when you've stopped crying and we'll talk about why you're unhappy." Then walk off. Under NO circumstances should you pay him any attention until he's stopped, and if the crying continues, repeat that that's the case.

This approach may take several weeks to take hold, so you have to commit to it and NEVER give in, even once, or you'll start all over. The first few times, his outbursts might even get WORSE. But over the next few weeks, he'll start to realize that the crying gets him nothing but a sore throat and he'll eventually stop. You might also point out the behavior of cousins (if he has any) or friends who do not act this way. Make comments about how grown up they are (do not suggest your son is NOT grown up, just compliment the other boys on their behavior).

Good luck with this!

[Scarlett]

Emily is quite right! My nephew has been taught to see the funny side of things by my very funny sister, and everytime he falls over or something happens, she makes him laugh about it, and now he does that on his own, rather than crying. You should try this- don't be so sympathetic, just swiftly change the subject or distract him with something else, or try and make him laugh at himself/the situation.

I feel this is on it's way out now anyway, as you say it is diminishing, and he will grow out it.

[lissyl78]

Thank you all so much. His sensitivity is one of the aspects I treasure most in him - it's just the crying I worry about. The technique suggested by Rystan is the one I've always tried and it has worked to a certain extent but I'll definitely try the distraction method. Not always easy to laugh it off when you hear it all the time but I'll try!! Thank you all so much for your advice. It's very appreciated x

[justineo]

Try not to worry too much.  Children are very resilient and he may well blossom at middle school.  Encourage him to play more physical games with you and your partner.  My brother was a rugby player and always had pretend games with my daugher, from when she was old enough to walk.  She is just 8 and so strong when she runs toward you, its frightening!  She loves playing games with inflatable toys and foam balls because you can focus your strength and agression on something soft and safe.  Carry on loving and encouraging him and enjoy his sensitivity while he still has it.  Good luck 

[Solarjunkie]

I know someone who showed this behaviour (crying at the slightest provocation); in his case it was petit mal epilepsy, which remained undiagnosed for several years. Earlier diagnosis would have eased his school years.

[mzdivagirl45]

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