Following on from the showering question........

[Eeeek]

My daughter is almost 3 and when she stays overnight with my in-laws her grandfather bathes with her. Do you think this is ok? As a result of this she now refers to men as having wobbly front bottoms (!) I am not going to offer my opinions at this stage because i dont like the man but am interested in other peoples opinions. Thanks.

[woofgang]

Sensitive subject... I think that it is up to you and your partner, her mum and dad to decide on whether they will allow this. Does your partner have a view?

[Emily Ball]

Eeeek, I don't think you would have asked this question unless you were feeling uneasy about the situation. I can guess how difficult it might be for you to put a stop to it without causing upset and maybe hostility.It is unusual for a grandfather to be bathing with his 3 yr. old granddaughter, regardless of how fond of her he is and how absolutely he can be trusted. I would say go with your instinct on this one -after all, your daughter's well-being is your prime concern, not your father-in-law's feelings, and if you don't feel happy about the situation, you can put a stop to it. I am sure you will find a way of doing so tactfully.

[smudge]

I agree, this is a very tricky one - especially if you're not too keen on your father-in-law anyway.

My husband would never have showered or bathed with any of our Grandchildren, although I sometimes have & still do. We sing & chat together.

A male friend of ours, has regularly showered with all of his 4 Granddaughters & everyone seems okay about it.

Perhaps you or your partner could mention the comments your little one has made ('wobbly front bottom') & go on from there. Maybe he'll take the hint & stop showering or bathing with her. Good luck Eeeek.

[twiglet4frog]

better to stop it now politely than have to worry about anything untoward later on!

[smee.tracey]

I do understand your concerns but my father has been known to share a bath with my son. They may be the same gender but I've never had any fears. Would you be as worried if it was a grandmother sharing with a grandson?

I'm not in any way trying to dismiss your concerns but children do notice things. My friends not quite 2 year old daughter thinks it's hilarious when she sees my sons 'wee wee place'. He doesn't flount around naked (he would if I let him) but she goes into the bathroom when he's there and I've tried to be as open as possible with them both (I look after the little girl as a favour to her mum who is fine with this).

Does your daughter show any kind of distress or use inappropriate language or actions.

Having said that, if you do think for one second your suspicions of wrongdoing may be founded please act sooner rather than later. If this man is innocent he will be shocked and maybe upset that you feel this way, but will understand you are protecting his precious granddaughter. Any other reaction you can judge for yourselves.

[libertie]

Don't think I would be comfortable with this, much as I love them, I have never bathed with my grandchildren and would not have been happy to allow my own children to bathe with any adults apart from their father and me, mind you the situation never arose, they often stayed over with grandparents uncles etc but were always just plonked in the bath with each other or on their own!

[libertie]

Sorry Eeek, I meant to add that by even asking this question you are obviously having some concerns about the situation so maybe you should politely but firmly ask him to stop.  Good luck!

[Eeeek]

Thanks everyone, I really really appreciate your replies and i think i will broach the subject asap. I cant quite put my finger on my uneasiness because my husband and I arent prudish but I do think he is "crossing the line" with this one. Will let you all know.....

[calleach]

"wobbly " front bottom sounds safe to me. The other variety would be alarming.

[netibiza]

I think it's Ok for your partner to bathe with her, although guess the time is coming to stop as she gets older, but have doubts about her grandfather.

[louise jones]

I wouldnt be comfortable with this situation at all.  I have three daughters and couldnt imagine anyone being in the bath with them.

You could broach the subject with what your daughter says "wobbly front bottoms" and suggest that as she is getting older and noticing more then it would be better if her grandfather bathed her from OUTSIDE the bath not in it with her!  Kids dont keep secrets and when she starts nursery school at age 3, one innocent comment from her about bathing could cause you some problems - I know, as I work in a school myself.

Good luck with whatever you decide, just remember she is YOUR daughter not your in-laws and you lay down the rules regarding her wellbeing and safety.

[Otrere]

I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable with this either (then again neither would her grandpa!). Its obviously bothering you else you wouldn't have asked.

I agree with most of the posts on here, if you're not happy with it then say something. Like someone said, its your daughter's wellbeing that is the most important thing and not your FIL's feelings.

By the way, my daughter (3 in November) saw her daddy's "bits" for the first time the other week (we were in the bathroom when he got out of the bath) and she pointed and said "Look, daddy's done a poo-poo!"

[Lolliemma]

If you feel uncomfortable with it then polietly stop it, afterall shes your daughter! I know I would feel uncomfortable with my daughter doing it

[Ward-Minter]

Easy answer..... Pretend you have the Grandfathers best interest at heart and stress that for his benefit and the current climate of accusation and false testimony etc (e.g Michael Jackson), it would be best if he didn't bathe with children.

That way, his feelings would not be hurt and this "sensitive" situation may cease

[frugalmummy]

I can't see any reason whatsoever to be in the bath naked with her. I wouldn't trust this and I'd ask you to go with your gut instinct on this.

A dad, yes, but no way should a grandfather be doing this, or at the very least he should ask you if it's OK.

No. I've experience of elements of this and been like you - too nice and not wanting to cause a fuss. He's showing no regard to you.

Please get it stopped, and I'd only allow him to bathe her if gran is there too.