Constantly Lying About Anything And Everything

[Smowball]

I know we've had quite a year what with one thing and another, but my son ( 15) cannot stop lying From really silly things to very serious things Ive got mad, Ive sat and talked calmly, Ive simply askerd him why, Ive tried to not react at all and he just says he doesn't know why he is doing it. I would say it was an attention thing if it wasn't for the fact that some things he clearly doesn't want me to know or find out He described in great detail what afterschool GCSE Spanish lesson was like, for me to get a call from the school that he hadn't turned up! He swore on my life that he was not going to take his brand new tablet to his friend house for a group sleepover as things always get broken - I txt him whilst there asking where he had left it - in his drawer he said . he had lied again and taken it there. I find my cashpoint card in his room - he says he has no idea how it got there. I could go on and on.....Ive made an appointment to see the doctor to see if he thinks he needs some counselling but don't even know if that's the right thing to do..

[woofgang]

i think that you are doing all the right things, its just that even doing that sometimes doesnt result in a fast resolution. i think that counselling is a very good idea indeed.

[Prudie]

Counselling is worth a try. I have come across 2 people in my life who just could not stop lying even when there was no need to, neither of them seemed to consider how easy it was for them to get found out and it was almost an obsession. In both cases I feel it was something to do with them not being satisfied with their lot and consequently creating some fantasy world.

[Zacs-Master]

Sounds like fairly normal teenage behaviour to me. He's testing his boundaries and becoming an independant person, possibly in a way which you don't approve of so he's rebelling (not exactly a strange teenage trait). I was pretty much the same at his age. If my mother had forced me to go to see a doctor about it, I would have found it mortally embarassing and it would have driven a wedge between us which could have been permanent.

[kvalidir]

Sounds like he doesn't want to be taking GCSE Spanish and wants to take his ipad with him- which I think at 15 is fairly normal. He may be getting into a habit of lying to you because he doesn't want to tell you the truth about some things, are you over protective of him just a little bit perhaps and he might want and need a bit more freedom to be a young adult rather than a child?

[Svejk]

'you know when a teenager's lying, their lips move' says judge judy. Isn't it just a phase that a lot of kids go through?

[Smowball]

He actually suggested the doctor himself as he says he cant see how to change As for the Spanish - it was him who chose it in the 1st place Anyway - he has skipped it a 2nd wk and now they won't let him do it ! It may or mat not be normal teenage behaviour but its getting blooming tiresome. ( And yes Judge Judy is spot on! lol)

[anneasquith]

in fairness though he has had quite a disturbed year, is he just being a rotten teenager or do you think there is more to this smowball ?

[Smowball]

I think there is a little more to it tbh. His father has a lot of issues and I'm worried that he seems to be showing a lot of his traits I love my son to bits but its got to the stage where I am choosing which battles to fight, and which to ignore, otherwise I would be constantly telling him off

[anneasquith]

rather than a gp. have you thought about contacting his guidance teacher at school, it would be interesting is he is '' telling lies'' at school or just at home to you.

[2sp_]

Smow, you really don't have your sorrows to seek, do you?

It's a really positive sign if your son has suggested getting some sort of help, that's half the battle.

You could try your GP, or the school should have Guidance Counsellors on hand to help too.

Good luck.

[Smowball]

I have spoken to the school, who say that he is being quite confrontational with a couple of teachers - not aggressively, but questioning in an annoying way, and I know exactly what they mean as he does it at home, and gives "the look" ! I'm well aware its been a tough year for him, but he needs to meet me half way now.

[Retrochic]

So, he tried Spanish and doesn't like it, easily solved. Secondly, let him take his electronic devices where he likes - they belong to him don't they? How would you like it if your OH told you not to take your phone to the gym in case you lost it? Teenager don't want you to know everything and taking him for counselling is, in my opinion, ridiculous and pandering to him. Tell him lying will not be tolerated, end of, which will be difficult considering what he has seen at home in the past. Sorry if this sounds harsh but his life seems to be surrounded by 'soap opera' type calamities, maybe you should go for counselling to try and help you cope with what really is just normal teenage angst?

[TWR]

2 wrongs don't but try and removing some of his Electric items, wait for him to ask where they are and plat him at his own game, it may work Smowball

[TWR]

2 wrongs don't make it right.

[woofgang]

Smow, you have your answer. He has said that he feels he needs help, why wouldn't you help him to get it?

[DaisyNonna]

Guidance counsellors? Who are they?

[askyourgran]

It sounds like typical teenage behaviour, and maybe the fact he is telling you
he will go to see a doctor probably means that he doesn't really want to, but he knows it would satisfy you to know he appears willing. Maybe some of the problem he has had with his father has made him rebel, he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you but he doesn't feel happy or feels confused in himself. Hormonal young men go through these phases trying to work things out for themselves. Be his friend and keep his confidence let him know you are always there for him.

[FrogNog]

With respect Smow, having read through your previous posts, having a stepdad who doesn't like him and who cheats on his mother might not be helping much.

[Retrochic]

Frognog, and don't forget the son's girlfriend who is self-harming (apparently). I fear the OP will once again disappear without comment or thanks, only to reappear in a couple of weeks with a new 'crisis'.