Ex Wife Moving with children

[kathy71]

I am writting on behalf of my brother.  His ex wife has announced she is moving from Yorkshire to Scotland with his 2 children 4 and 8years. She says it is because of her new husbands work.  The children live with her and my brother picks them up Fr till Mon she has them during the week.  Does she have the right to do this?  As far as I am aware she doeas not have custody it is just an aggreement they had.  But she is still very angry and bitter to him.  Can my brother go for custody to enable the girls to stay around they grandparents, aunties, friends etc. Please help. Thank you

[Le Chat]

If it is just an agreement they have, then your brother needs to make things on a more legal footing, as she is free to do whatever. However, depending on how long they have lived with their mother, it may not be likely that he would get custody anyway.

The upshot is though, that if the mother obtained custody of the children, she would be then legally and duty bound to let your brother have access to them at certain agreed times. If she is bitter and difficult though, she could still be very obstructive and make visitation hard for him.

It would be prudent of your brother to try and speak to his ex about doing the best thing for their children. He could point out that if she refuses access, then it is quite likely that in later years, the children will resent her for it.

[kathy71]

Hi La Chat.

Thank you for your quick response.  No my brothers ex doesn't have custody.  They apparently just agreed (via a solicitor) to have joint visits etc.  She is impossible to talk to. He has tried on several occassions.  The split up was very nasty.  The girls have lived with their mother for the past 2 years.  He even gave her the house and contents so as not to upset the girls but once she met someone else she sold up, married and they both moved to another house (an another school for the children)  The girls do not like their step dad either, which is worrying my mum as she terminally ill and is upset about the prospect of her grand children being taken away.

[WendyS]

I think your brother needs to consult with a solicitor fast before the event actually occurs to try and agree a residency.custody agreement.  He will obviously need to be able to prove the children can be properly cared for during the week while he is working. 

 Is the new stepfather physically abusive to the children in any way? If this is the case, then Social Services would almost certainly need to be involved.

[kathy71]

Hi Wendys

Thanks for your response.  No the step father is not physically abusing the children they just dont like him, which I suppose is quite normal in young children but it upsets us to think they will only have him and there mum in scotland whilst all their family are around them now. My brother and his wife could look after the children in with their work.

[Mrs_Pegasus]

My husband is in the same situation and he has 50% custody of his daughter although it doesnt add up to much.  He is over 200 miles from his daughter and the new man in is ex's life is really awkward and calls the shots about meeting us half way (although its 1/3 for them and 2/3 for us!).  We try and keep it as sweet as possible but at the end of the day she more or less does what she wants with the child and we have little say over what happens.  I feel for your brother it must be a frightening situation to be in.   We try and take as much time off during the holidays so we can have her for a week at a time because the weekend visits are tiring on all concerned.

Like others have said, get legal advice and if anything try and agree a reasonable travelling distance for both parties.

[Eels]

I can't offer much help, sorry.  But a close friend has experienced a similar situation recently and all I can say is that it is vital for the children concerned that all adult parties consider what the children want first, and put selfish feelings aside.  Having to stand by and watch desperate children screaming that they wanted to stay with one parent as another one tore them away was heartbreaking, so I can't imagine how traumatic and damaging it is for the kids.

[Booldawg]

Hi

I believe that I may be able to help you on this one, your brother ex is legally allowed to move herself and the girls anywhere in the British and Scottish Isle without your brothers consent. 

It is only if they move abroad then he stands a chance of stopping her.  This is something I looked into years ago as I was thinking about moving abroad and wanted to know what legal rights my ex had if he wanted to try and stop me.

On the other hand, as long as the children want to see him and visa versa I would advise that he gets something put legally in writing about his vistation rights.

[kathy71]

Thank you for all of your replys.  I am afraid it has moved further now.  My brother picked the girls up as usual and his eldest started crying saying she didn't want to go with her step dad as when her mother wasn't around he would sit next to her and poke her in the tummy and trip her up.  she had told her mother but she said they were not aloud to talk about him.  my brother kept them and went to see his solicitor who said he should keep the children till things get sorted.  Now his ex has gone for full custody and he has to appeare in court this week BUT they are not going to listen to the children.  How could they even consider giving the children back to their mother with her husband acting like this.  My brother is getting accounts from everyone the children have said they don't like this man, if it will help.  But we are all in a bit of a shock as to why they won't listen to the children.