Smacking

[sophster]

How come it is illegal for an adult to hit another adult, and in the home this is called domestic abuse if a man hits his wife (or vice-versa) but when a parent hits a child it is perfeactly alright and is called smacking?

[loopey]

excellent point.

[Oneeyedvic]

So do you think we should treat children like adults?

Should children be allowed to drink, have sex, drive at any age?

Your argument is as ludicrous as - "How would you feel if a man had sex with a 12 year old girl? After all it is legal if it were an adult"

[loopey]

I think it's more a matter of respecting our children,and protecting them from harm, not causing it....

[irisred]

There is a huge difference between smacking a child and hitting them.

A smack is a controlled, shock tactic, hitting them is something harder and done out of control and frustration.

[loopey]

try explaining that to the poor child....call it what you like your still hurting a child...

[irisred]

Sensing this is something you feel very passionately about and am sure you have your reasons.

Must say my mother smacked me a few times when I was misbehaving and don't feel its done me any harm.

I agree that beating children is not acceptable but as per my previous comment there's a huge difference between the two.

[Otrere]

Sophster - do you have any children yourself?

[loopey]

I have 3 children and I work with children as well, I feel there is other forms of discipline which work better without knocking a childs self esteem.

[Cathy]

I don't think there's any need for smacking. How can you tell a child that hurting people is wrong if you hurt them. The argument that a smack is controlled would hold more water with me if we didn't have emotions, but as we are human beings we do. I was smacked as a child and it DID do me harm, and some of the reason that I have such a bad relationship with my mother. To say it didn't do you any harm is a typical defence mechanism (I remember saying it as a child and getting another smack for it). I love my son and do not want to hurt anyone I love. That does not mean he is not disciplined, when neccessary, just that I use other ways of controlling the situation.

[sophster]

No but my sister has a 3 year old daughter and a ffew days ago she tripped over and knocked a plate on the floor ( and I was there and she did trip). Her father came in and gave her a smack for it and ever since she has been crying and is afraid to go near her dad. I just wanted to know whether causing a child to fear a parent is a particularly humain way to get the message across that what they did was wrong.

Also Oneeyedvic in your arguement the child had a choice, children don't get a choice of how they are punished. Sure they can choose to do things that are wrong but if the father spilt something on the would someone smack him?

[loopey]

I want my children to behave because they know what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour not because they fear me.

[Coobeastie]

Surely you told her father that she'd tripped or did you just stand by silently? Did you explain this to him afterwards?

If you did remonstrate and he still hit he sounds like a bully and this is different to a normal father. If you pointed it out afterwards did he comfort the child?

I think smacking can have its place and doesn't teach children to be thugs.

I'd term a smack as a tap (lighter pressure than when clapping), it seems its often used to describe slapping a child which is not acceptable.

[mimififi]

I think a smack is perhaps a little harsh, but spanking I would accept, and only on the bottom/leg, never on the face or head or anywhere else. I also think that it is something that doesn't really need to be done once a child is capable of reasoning. I spanked my child when she did not stop when I told her too when we were out and she nearly ran on the road. She did not ignore the command stop again.
We have five children, my husband and I have been known to spank them for being disobedient, and only for disobedience, when a command is repeated and then deliberately ignored, and at no time have any of my children been afraid of me. If someone is smacking a child and causing fear, then they are being smacked incorrectly. After I have given my child a spank, I make sure they know why they were spanked, I give them an opportunity to apologise, we then hug and make up. Never is a grudge taken away and never is the situationi referred to again. It is reprimanded and forgiven. I was smacked as a child, and while the smacking was not overly harsh, I didn't always felt forgiven and this is what damaged me, not the smacking itself.
I have a very close relationship with all my children based on communication, at the end of the day though, you need to be in control. If you have children that you NEVER need to spank, then you a re very lucky, I know some people with severly disobedient children and these children need to be checked; we are dealing with little people with characters, this can be hard to deal with. Some children need to be accountable for their behaviour. Do not confuse a husband punching his wife around the head and face, with a mother giving a four year old a spank on the behind for saying "No, im not picking up my toys, poo poo head." Would you stand for that?????

[kaktus]

Well what happens if you don't smack? In Scandinavia (Well at least in Sweden and Denmark, not sure about Norway) it is illegal to smack or hit or whatever you call it, to me it is the same thing. Are all us Scandinavians terrible and unruly persons because we weren't smacked/hitted as a children? Are we not able to raise our children properly? I think that sopsters point is excellent, if you need to smack your child to get through to it, it's hardly the childs fault.

[Oneeyedvic]

In China it is very acceptable to hit children as punsihment - Are all Chinese children emotionally scarred for life?

What about the UK up to the 1980s - pretty much every child was smacked by a parent or teacher of policeman - does that mean that every adult in the UK is emotionally damaged?

And what next? Is making them sit by themselves as punishment the equivalent of solitary confinement - what about taking away their favourite toy? A breach of their human rights?

[Oneeyedvic]

Sweden also has a very high suicide rate between the ages of 15-24 - so maybe life isn't as rosy as you think:

http://www.thelocal.se/article.php?ID=1771&date=20050721

[maggie01]

I don't see anything wrong with a gentle slap more to shock than to hurt. I agree there are other ways to dicipline children but if they don't work at that particular time a gentle slap does them no harm. I

[kaktus]

I never said it was rosy, Denmark's suicide rate is even bigger than Sweden's. I was trying to say, that you can't use smacking as an argument for children behaving properly and leading a healthy and prosperous life, as well you may not be able to use the opposite as an argument. But if not smacking at the least doesn't make your kids worse off than those not smacked, why smack them them? You say that it is very acceptable to hit your children in China, I don't know a thing about that, but are the people who lead happy lives in Chinas smacked more or less than those not leading well functioning lives? Or are there no correlation at all?  I have ever been presented with data on how children are positively effectedby being hit or smacked. I'm not saying that children who has been smacked in the way you describe, are growing up be anything but lovely persons, but I cannot see how that is an argument for allowing it, as those not being smacked have just as big a chance to grow up to be lovely persons.

As usual I'm sticking my nose into something where I'm not sure of the details. What exactly is the law on this matter in the UK. I assume there is a distinction between smacking and hitting from your posts. What is legal and what isn't? Sorry if I'm a tiny bit off topic sophster.