Still having hassle.....sigh.

[Schlomo78]

Hello fellow ABers,just wanted a few opinions again as the last lot helped a lot. Heres the scenario, boyfs ex wants us to have kids for weekend,which is brilliant as we get to spend some time with them properly and not flitting about from place to place as we have to when we go to hers as we have nowhere to take them except ball parks etc and this way we can have them in the house and also take them places. They very rarely come to his,he drives there,and I think that this way is a better idea all round as she also will have the whole weekend to herself,which is what she wants.

Now the prob, she wants us to drive(or him,I don't drive) the 3hrs odd there,pick them up,turn around and drive 3 hrs back,she says she will pick them up the Sun from his.The trouble with this is that 6 hrs driving is an awful long time,even with rest stops,people do get tired,sometimes mentally more than physically,and accidents happen all the time. She will be in the same situation obviously picking them up.We have asked that she meets us at a rest stop/services halfway where we will pick them up and bring them back. He has even said he will drive further the Fri (2hrs each way, and an hr each way for her)so she can get back home and go out if she so wishes if she will do the same the Sun. This is totally unacceptable to her and I don't understand why.Surely it isn't?Am I just biased or should he put his foot down?Cheers guys,any advice greatly appreciated.

[Le Chat]

I can't think of any reason why it would be totally unacceptable for her to meet you part of the way ... unless...a)She is not a good driver b)She hates driving in the dark c)She knows that he will come, if he wants to have the children for the weekend. d) As she is doing the full drive on the return journey, she may think that you will all get more of a full day, rather than all having to do some driving on both days!!

It may be a pain in the backside drive but at least it is the same both sides.

[lady_p_gold]

Oh yes I remember all this from last time .... well it does sound unreasonable but the only thing I can think of is that she has big plans for the first day or night when she does not want to take a three hour chunk out of it which I suppose could be a valid reason. At least she is not expecting you to do both journeys which is one small mercy I suppose ! I know it is very very frustrating for you and causes problems in your relationship, but if you can just hang on in there and try to think how much worse it could be (her refusing to let them spend any time while you are there, thus making him in an impossible situation) all those sort of things ... all you can do is build build build and hope she becomes more reasonable as time goes on. Eating yourself up with annoyance will only spoil the weekend ... and hey .. if they lived with you all the time there could be even more grief !

[Schlomo78]

I think its a case of C in answer to Le Chat,lol,as he is very easygoing and does want to see the kids,she knows that he will do all the driving,(which was what she originally wanted) if there is no alternative.I just think 6 hours is a lot to do in one hit,but then he does drive an awful lot as it is.Also lady_p you have valid points,and I can see that now I guess its better to take what we can get for now than to have nothing at all.It just grinds on me sometimes, and i'm the sort of person that wants things done right straight away,which is often to my own detriment and damaging to my relationship.Rome wasn't built in a day,although I think it could possibly be burnt in one,which is not a chance I am willing to take with this relationship!! Thanks guys for your input,it helps to put things into perspective.x

[lady_p_gold]

We'll be here for next time lol !

[Bohne]

In my opinion and experience, often it does not matter what would be reasonable.

We only see my husbands daughter rarely, but last time he drove 12 hours there and back the next day to pick her up and the same to drop her off again a week later.

In the meantime they moved, but my husband's mother still drives three or four hours to pick her up for holidays, and whenever the mother of the child is supposed to pick her up or at least come half way, her car breaks on short notice...

Some people just have no sense of being fair or reasonable...

[Schlomo78]

Oh Bohne,thats not good! This is the thing i'm worried about because I can see that she would be the same and say her car was not working or some such excuse...that way she would still have the last laugh. She would get more out of having the whole w/e to herself but it seems she wants it all her way with no compromising. Personally I think she needs to return to reality.