law for children choosing which parent to live with?

[Nikster5678]

Is it true that the law states if 2 parents have seperated no matter which parent the children currently live with if when they are 10 they want to live with the other parent they can do so without the other parents consent or having to go through court proceedings.

thanks

[thikasabrik]

My friend divorced her hubby when their daughter was a baby. My friend brought up the child on her own until the girl (age 10) suddenly decided she wanted to go live with dad. Mum applied for a residence order at Court but didn't get one. The judge said that since March 2005 a child age 9 or over has the final say in where they live.

[simsfreq]

I was told it was age 13 at school, but this was almost 3 years ago so the law might have changed.

[simsfreq]

Ah, ok, ignore my answer, didn't read the last one fully... my bad ^_^

[Bohne]

WOW!

sorry, I had to say that.
Even though I think children should have a bigger say than they used to, I think that really leaves all doors open for children to play the parents against each other...

[Pippa68]

Then it would have to be up to the parents to make sure the children don't play them against each other...children generally do this because their parents argue about issues without asking them what it is they want.

In my husbands case, he has a contact order in place allowing for any extra contact that can be arranged between the parents (he currently sees his daughter every other weekend, no holidays) ~ this extra contact never happens because his ex wife has residency & the upper hand, My step daugher is soon to be 13 & for years has complained to her mother & father that she spends too much time with her mother & not enough with us.

If the law has changed, this might just give more fairness to my husband & his daughter to give them the relationship they deserve. My stepdaughter may just need this to take a certain amount of power away from her mother.

[JeremyD]

Very interesting. Didn't know this slight change re. age 9 or above....
The whole area of Contact after a Divorce is totally misunderstood by most people. I am, sadly, something of an expert... but a failure in terms of getting Contact... and how many times have I tried to explain the law to my parents..??
Anyway, the rights are with the Child. That's current law.
Problem I have (three years and counting) is that this means that the Child does what the Resident Parent / Parent with Responsibility wants.
Part of the legal process is that the child gets interviewed by Cafcass, child says "no thanks, don't want to see my Dad, cos Mum doesn't want me to " (or that's what he's thinking). End of story, No Contact. Non Resident Parent (usually Dad) has no rights.
And anyway, even if Child said "yes please" and a Contact Order gave Dad rights, can someone tell me how Dad enforces it?
So you take Mum back to Court for not sticking to the terms of the Contact Order... Judge fines her... she doesn't pay fines (doesn't work, doesn't claim benefits, so no detachment of earnings possible)... Is any Judge going to then send the Resident Single Parent Mum to prison? I somehow doubt it! Meanwhile Non Resident Parent Dad has been paying thousands in legal fees.... and yet my parents still wonder why I admire Fathers For Justice... hmmmm...

[Pippa68]

I hear you JeremyD. My husband & I have been through 10 years of it, 8 of which were sheer hell and led to all sorts of problems ~ loss of self esteem & bankruptcy. Simply because the ex had the whip hand.

I agree it is awful that the mother usually has the final say in matters ~ we have to rely on her to do the right thing by the child, but (as in our case) the mother sees it as an irresistable power trip. If a child wants to see their father I don't see why they can't do that..there are abusive fathers, admittedly, but they are in the minority & too many mothers use this as an excuse to deny contact.

What is even worse is that the fathers money is ok! I have never used my children as ransom tools & they have contact with their father as often as his time allows (heavy work schedule, shifts etc) he lives 200 miles away & we share the driving. My children are happy & balanced, my step daughter on the other hand is a little screwed up.

I do fear that if we take it to court she won't tell anyone what she really wants, due to her mothers blackmailing tactics. It stinks.

[Nikster5678]

thanks for all your answers-obviously this is a very sad common problem.

My partner has had custody of his children for nearly 5 years now as there mum walked out. The eldest is coming up to ten and unfortunatly the mum is playing a nasty game and spoiling them with everything they want, staying up till very late, having take aways. We try to maintain a "NORMAL" family life buts its very difficult-in a childs eyes its far much fun to NOT have to tidy your room, eat dinner at the table and finish your veg. Or Help with chores to earn pocket money etc. She's told them at 10 they can choose and they both now use this against us. Its a constant battle, that sadly we seem to have no control over.

[Pippa68]

Nikster5678 you have my full sympathy. It is completely rotten! my two eldest have been told by their father that they can go & live with him when they leave school. Huh? oh yes, I have done all the hard work raising them & he is only prepared to accomodate them when they are self supporting.

The only advice I can give is to let them go, no matter how hard it is to do. It is fairly normal for them to want to do this anyway, but pretty shortly after leaving they will see that the grass is no more greener on the other side! their mother may find this out too...

Big hugs to you x

[Sokkieskitty]

Hi there can someone please tell me if it is still the same that a child of 9 and aboce can chose where they want to live? Please let me know

[BBBs]

Hi I was always led to believe the age to be 13 and then lo and behold told it was 16 so really I think a solicitor can only advise as my step daughter has desparately wanted to come and live with us since she was 8 and the touch line (went to teh rugby yesterday!) seems to be getting further and further away for her and her dad. She is now 11. Gos how we would hove it to be 9.