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teenage relationship
38 Answers
After my 13 year old son left his phone in the bathroom ( i suspect he wanted me to find it) i admit shamefacedly that i read his texts , there were 5 from a girl who he has met once at a local disco a couple of weeks ago and he has been texting her and calling her since. in the texts she crudely asks him if he has ever had sex before and if he wants to have sex with her this weekend.....my question is should i admit to having read the texts or just try and arrange something for the weekend so he has no opportunity to see her?
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Neither. You should have respected your son's privacy, but that's done now.
What you should do is accept that a lot of teenagers boast and pretend to cover real insecurities, so this may be nothing at all serious. That said, you should ensure that your son is fully aware of the consequences of a sexual relationship at his age, or any age, and make sure he knows he can talk to you.
He's rapidly becoming an adult - it's time you started to realise that, and treat him like one. That way, you have a better than even chance that he will behave like one.
Mutual trust is always a good start.
Not that im a mother but i do have one and was 13, he never left that phone lying around for you to find it, being honest i would be really angry with my parents if they read through my phone. you have to give him some privacy and respect his privacy.
No matter what you do to avoid him seeing her, you cant be with him 24/7 and he will do what he intends to behind your back. i suggest you talk to him about girlfriends, sex and the implicaitons of this. try get you both talking so he knows he can come to you for advice with this sort of thing.
i wouldnt say you read through his phone as he may feel he cant trust you anymore! but i would have a chat with him. 1 thing i remember about being ateenager was thinking my parents would never understand and didnt have a clue about what teenage life was like!!!
it may be nothing more than flirting and teasing each other though!
hope this helps!
hi, Whatever made you read his texts, that's a real breach of trust? I'm sorry but I think you should leave the situation alone. I appreciate that technically he's a child, but he's actually a young person whose at the stage where he's going to be experimenting sexually and will be mortified if his parents start poking their oar in. Have a general chat and make sure he understands all of the concepts of safe sex and the consequences of not having safe sex and then take a step back and allow him the freedom ( and privacy) he needs from now on to evolve into a man.If you tackle him about it I imagine it will damage your relationship with him a great deal.I always trusted my own teens judgement on what they did and have never been disappointed, kids have more common sense that you often give them credit for.
Andy and noxlumos, can you both promise to hang around on this site for the next 15 years? My wee guy is only 2 and a half, so I'm going to need your excellent advice (especially on teenagers) alot in the coming years. You guys never fail to speak sense, and I'm so impressed with your parenting skills. I only hope I can come close. You two are my winners of AB Dads of the Year I think.
Lorraine - sorry to highjack your post a bit. great advice from all 3 above. good luck.
by the way lorraine, i have sympathy with you. i too have a 13 yr old son who's hormones are just kicking in, and i know how hard it is to let him get on with his life without interfering at times. but the wise men are right - he will stop trusting you if you dont trust him, and then he might not turn to you if he needs advice. you just have to hope that you have brought him up sensibly in the first place. encourage him to invite his friends (girls or boys) home so that you know they are safe.
For god sake he is 13 and needs YOUR guidance. Find out from him in a positive way who is asking for sex from him. Yes, he is a boy but that does not mean he should be under any pressure to have sex. There are plenty of perverts around who continually target. If it a girl his age then that would be strange. Girls in geneal dont go looking for sex at 13 unless they have a troubled home life!
Admit reading the text, be honest. He probably will go mad but so what. At least you have opened a door to speak to him. Of course it is not right, but lots of boys are encouraged by adults(young and old) to have sex as soon as they can. At this age he is developing and can easily be exploited. He does not know what is right or wrong - he is young. So get him out doing other things instead of thinking of sex. He can do all that later when he is more sensible. good luck.
By the way, some of your answers given here bya person - loves porn and would probably do it to anything. She gave her answers on a different topic on this site. Beware.
If you have an heated debate with your son, so what. I have plenty of heated debates and the outcome is always positive and I have two very responsible teenage daughters (who some people may hate to hear this). At the end of day we respect each other,.
Joosey - you're a really offensive ** **, you do know that, don't you? How is my admission that I like porn anything at all to do with this thread? Is this question only able to be answered properly by someone who has never looked at porn, or who thinks it's disgusting? And how does liking porn mean I'd "do it with anything"?? I'm a mother of a two year old, and have been with my partner for 17 years. Hardly a go-er, am I?? Sorry, I didn't know only closed minded people could offer parental advice. You sanctimonious git of a human. Apart from anything else, I didn't actually offer any advice, just said that I thought the 3 answers above mine were great.
I'm not sure why you seem so very threatened by a woman who knows what she likes and is unafraid to admit it (god help the mother of your daughters) but I did absolutely NOTHING to warrant your bitter little dig, so grow up you mean spirited shhhh hit of a man.
so tell me why ANYTHING that I've posted on this thread would be in any way detrimental to the welfare of a 13 year old? All I did was state the advice in rpevious posts was good so why would you have a go at me, yet make no mention of those who posted teh original advice that I agreed with? Does teh agreement of one who likes porn instantly invalidate the great advice given? Explain yourself Joosey, because I think your post was entirely offensive, as well as being in disagreement with msot of the other posts here regarding teh actual advice you give.
I'm not in any way threatened by your views, but I am annoyed that you decided to have a dig at me for no reason. I hadn't disagreed with you or even mentioned you (I didn't know such a username even existed until you posted your vitriol towards me).
Explain what gives you the right to have a go at me, cos I'm at a loss.
OMG - I've just realised, you're a woman aren't you? Now I'm totally flabbergasted, cso I'd assumed you were a mysignistic dinoosaur of a man (apologuies to all guys!). What was your previous username? I must have offended you in the past surely, for your first post to be so nasty abotu me. Come on, come clean, who are you really, cos Joosey has only posted on here for a couple of days. Who were you before?
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