fathers and daughters sharing a bed./......

[missy1981]

my daughter is 2 years old and stays with her dad 2 nights a week.. we split up when i was pregnant.... i have concerns about this due to be sexually abused as a child myself... he lives with his mum and step dad and their foster son.... she used to sleep in a travel cot, woke often in the night and he started to put her into bed with him as that was the only was she would settle back down.. well, shes now grown out of the travel cot and is sleeping in his bed, with him..... i have to share a room with her in my flat but as cramped as it is, she has 'her side of the bedroom'.. she has fairy lights, winnie the pooh posters, duvet cover, pillow and her own bed.. she wakes in the night at home, but i never let her get in with me as she has got to learn......am i being over protective and paranoid or should i put a stop to it and stop her staying over until he has made proper sleeping arrangements?.. any advice would be great.. thankyou xxx

[WendyS]

I can genuinely understand your concern if you were sexually abused as a child, and I'm sure your ex knew about this. However, I think things have come to a sad stage when due to circumstances a father has to share a bed with his 2 year old daughter because there are four people already needing sleeping accommodation in the house and he has nowhere else for her to sleep on her two visiting nights.

Your ex is taking a fair share of responsibility for her and your daughter is sleeping in a house with three other people in it. Perhaps understandably you are being over protective especially as you admit that often it was the only way he could get her to settle down at night. As your daughter gets a little older the sleeping arrangement will obviously need to be changed but at the moment I'd be tempted not to rock the boat.

[noxlumos]

Hi, Well you concern is understandable given your own past, but sexual abuse isn't about whether a child sleeps in bed with her father, it's about whether her father is a trustworthy man, which I'm sure he is.

If he is, then it doesn't matter where she sleeps, she'll be perfectly safe and if he isn't then he could sexually abuse her anywhere.

Our children have all slept in bed with my wife and I when they were little as in our opinion it's normal and natural for babies and little ones to do so, it's comforting to them and you get no sleepless nights at all.

I would have been mortified if my wife had said to me "I don't want the kids in bed with you when I'm not there", as that would have thrown a really evil, nasty slur against me. That is the way your ex partner will feel if you approach the subject with him, he'll feel really appalled that someone could think such a thing of him, so you need to decide if you trust him or not. If you do, then leave him to be the ghood Dad he appears to be trying to be and try to relax, I'm sure your daughter is perfectly fine, there's nothing unusual or wrong in having your child sleeping with you, other cultures have this as the norm, it's a fairly new idea that very small kids should sleep alone.

[Ward-Minter]

I don't think you have to worry. However, just be aware over what is known as "overlaying". If your daughter is little, a wayward arm can choke a child or the turning of a big male body may smother her. Just bear in mind that's all, rare but sadly does happen.

[maxximus]

speaking from experience, having been separated from my daughters mother when she was one, now sixteen. it's a difficult thing for a father to accept that his jewel in life is going to be raised in another household with morales,habits, and rules that are beyond his control.so sleeping with his daughter and telling her stories about grandma,grampa,cousins,aunts,uncles and life in general as he sees it . it is all part of the bonding process that is his right as a father in the shortened amount of time he has due to circumstances.and hopefully as in my case the daughter being loved and nurtured at all the homes she frequents grows up to be a happy balanced individual. i sincerely wish you luck.