Would a 6 yr old opinion count??

[kazzianne]

If a couple split up,and the child is with the mother,going to the dads at weekends (no court order in place-an arrangement between the 2 of them at the mo) and the dad decides to apply for a permanent residency order for the child to live with him,how much of the childs own views would be taken into consideration at this age?

[unruliejulie]

I have been in this position and ultimately, the child is deemed too young at only 6 to have any bearing on the situation.Lets face it, the kids will always pick fun loving Dad over rule inflicting Mum! Is this happening to you kazzianne? if so, take heart that cases of men being given permenant residency is very low indeed and then there has to be very good reason.It just doesn't really seem to happen even in this day and age of equal rights!

[kazzianne]

Hi julie - no hun,its actually my partner who wants to go to court for permanent residence of his daughter,who lives with his ex.The daughter adores her mother,even thought she appears to not be a very good one,and he is convinced he will get custody,but I dont think it will be that easy.

[unruliejulie]

I don't think it'll happen unless there is very good reason that shes an unfit mother. It happened to me when i was married to my ex husband. His ex wife was knocking around with some very unsavoury characters and she was getting beaten up by this bloke she was seeing and we thought the kids were in danger, so my ex applied for a residency order and they came and stayed with us. It would have gone to court i suppose, but when i left the marriage, he sent them straight back to their Mum! (don't ask) She had finished with this bloke by then though. I very much doubt that the court would have given us full residency though, i think thats most unusual. Not always the correct decision, i know but the law is old fashioned about this one. Good luck with whatever happens. xx

[kazzianne]

there are lots of things about the mother that we arent happy about- but its proving them.Daft things - like she shaves the daughters legs and she is only 6!! We have no idea why,but the child has told us this and its plain to see,just by feeling her legs.My partner has so got his hopes up,even tho he hasnt even started the processs yet,but when I try to say that it might not go his way he just says im putting a dampner on things.

[noxlumos]

Hi Kazzianne, you may not be happy about a lot of things that his ex is doing, but you say yourself, her child adores her, so maybe she's doing some things right as well. As for the leg shaving thing and suchlike, maybe the little girl just wanted to emulate her Mum, you know like painting nails etc, I can't really see the harm in that.

I have custody of all my children, my ex wife having no interest in them ( prefering to take as much property and money off me instead) but had she had sufficient interest I would have moved hell and high water to make sure my children were happy, having seen many kids successfully brought up by a variety of parenting methods, even if that mean that they lived with their Mum. My worry is that if your partner does not get custody and he's tried to take his ex's daughter from her in effect, then she may very well get super awkward with him and reduce contact, which would be the last thing you'd both want, so I'd cousel caution as the kiddy seems happy and you may indeed lose a lot by it.

[unruliejulie]

Just to add Kazzianne, when we had temporary custody of my exs 2 children, the worst thing i had to do was hand her kids over to her so they could visit her. i felt so awful as it wasn't my place to be telling her what time i wanted them brought back. I will never forget that! I felt very uncomfortable doing it.I think you have to be 100% certain, nox pointed out some brilliant points, the most innocent things can be taken out of context when we're looking for things. oh and good on noxlumus

[Drusilla1S]

My younger daughter (7)saw me shaving my legs once and asked me to do hers. We had a make up lesson too. Within an hour she was prancing around my bedroom in my clothes, high heels and make up. It was great fun for us both.

Seemingly weird activities need to be seen in their correct context. A wrong assumption about such matters could lead a court to look unfavourably on your partners motives.

The fact the daughter adores her Mum shouldn't be underestimated either. Her removal could be storing up all sorts of emotional problems for the future. I'm glad you seem more realistic about this matter, but please tread carefully, because you could be the one everyone turns against if things turn sour.

[kazzianne]

Hi guys - I agree with all of you - and dont infact want my partner to go for custody as you say - the child is happy.But he is adamant that is what he is going to do as he wants her to live with him.Ive tried tactfully to say that the daughter is happy with mum but he thinks that i just dont want the child to live with us,and not that im trying to let him know he probably wouldnt succeed.Its so difficult.