Step mum in need

[rox22]

Hi everyone im new to this, so bear with me!

I live with my partner, our son and my stepdaughter. we have been together for 6 yrs living together for 5 he is a drinker and has a temper. whilst he isnt violent with me or the kids it feels as though we all walk on eggshells when he is in the house. he works and pays all the bills, whereas i work parttime , look after the kids and go to college, nothing i do is good enough for him. me and me stepdaughter are very close she is 11 now and her mother left six years ago and has had no contact ever since. my son is three and the two kids are very close. i no longer want to be with my partner, however i cant leave my stepdaughter and i dont want to split the kids up either. i feel as though im being pulled in every direction and i dont know what to do. id really appreciate some advice

[JulieEve]

Oh rox! I really feel for you.

If it were me I would really have to sit down with him and tell him exactly how he was making me and the rest of the family feel. Tell him his behaviour is not acceptable and that you are no longer prepared to put up with it.

If he's got anything about him he should come to his senses and realise how lucky he is to have such a caring partner as you.

I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide to do.

[leekers]

try and encourage him to seek help concerning his drinking or you yourself seek some advice from either your gp or AA. if your partner allowed, would you take responsibility for his daughter, or would he let you have contact so that you could keep an eye on her. as a last resort you could apply for guardianship of your stepdaughter as she is 11 her wishes would be taken into account. whatever you do i wish you the best of luck

[rox22]

thanks for your advice i have sat with him countless times and explained my feelings to him the last time i told him it was counselling or split up, at the time he agreed to counselling then when we started to get on again he "i'm not going to that rubbish, it's a load of s***"

I dont know how to explain to my daughter that im taking her brother and not her. also i would have to go to mums house for a while and my daughter doesn't really feel comfortable there.

I'm only 22 and i dont want to waste the rest of my life

[Bohne]

If you can avoid it in any way, and your stepdaughter wants to go with you, DO NOT leave her behind.

I got out of a relationship nine years ago (I was 26 at the time), my partner's daughter (12 at the time) had been living with us.
I had to get out for my own sake, but could not take her.
It was a battle for custody between him and the girl's mother anyway, he wanted the girl to **** off his ex, while I thought that she really cared for the girl.
However the courts gave him sole custody.

I had her in Germany with me for a few months, but then she had to go back to live with her father.

About a year later she took an overdose.
Can you imagine what I felt like, when I heard about that?

Luckily people started to listen after that incident, and today she seems to be a very mature 21 year old.

But things might have turned out differently and I am still thinking about how I could have handled things differently.

[rox22]

That must have been awful Bohne

I have to say my partner is a fantastic dad and is very close to the kids. the reason my daughters mother didn't get custody is because she basically couldn't be bothered to turn up to court and has since had two more kids but thats a whole other story!

i think if she came with me it would destroy my partner cause he fought so hard to keep her and proving himself to everyone. I supported him through it all, went to all the solicitors and court meetings whilst i was only seventeen. i dont know if im just feeling sorry for myself, its just getting me down.

[FlowerPetal]

Rox, sorry to use the old cliche` but 'Been there, done that'. And i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. My hubby has quit the drink and is a TOTALLY different man now - so PLEASE have some kind of faith that your fella could change.

Rox, you can talk to him as much as u want and as much as everybody wants you too, but your feet do the talking hun. It is scary and nerve racking and your step-daughter will probably want to come with you, but you really need to scare him and do something positive in your life. It was the HARDEST decision i ever had to make and i would not like to have to make it again, but it needed to be done. Hubby now says that it was the shock that he needed to make him turn his life around.

Good luck hun and keep in touch to let us know how u get on xx

[rox22]

Thank you so much everyone for your advice is so nice to know im not on my own

think i've got some serious thinking to do

xxxx