child

[tradey]

this is going to sound really cruel but can we really hate our own children,ive got a 2 and a half little girl since she started playschool a few months ago shes done nothing but cry all day be very naughty wont listern to what i say, i can shout till im blue in the face,ive tried time out, putting her in a room for a bit she shouts back at me,im at my wits end cant take much more could run away or could very easy give her away

[tigerthecat]

You sound like a very stressed out parent. Having children is really , really hard work. A friend of mine reckons that lots of parents feel how you do but we are not 'allowed' to say it out loud for all the reasons you probably know. My experience tells me that you have to give yourself quality time doing something for you. You also have to know that lots of things simply wont get done. Ask for help from friends and family - they don't have a crystal ball and would hopfully offer some respite for you. Also you have to spend time with her doing lots of things she likes, this can be both fun , rewarding and incredibly boring all at once. She is very young and they do tend to spend their time making demands on you. I also know that the only thing that really works (to modify her behaviour and to keep your own sanity) is to ignor the bad and reward the good. It will make you feel better. There is nothing worse than endlessly being negative to another person especially your own child.

[tradey]

thankyou for that you think your the only one its hard to ask for help my mum works full time but is really the only one who has her for me,thats once a month which i really look forward too as its all day and night,id be lost without her. my hubbys parents are too old and to be truthfull cant cope even for an hour.they never ask to have her anyway,their always too busy doing ther own thing,my hubby works funny shifts, he tries his best but when you have a child 24-7 it does get you down,ive tried ignoring her sometimes it works,we do lots of things she likes reading painting going to the park i just hope its the terrible 2s thankyou again

[Solarjunkie]

You're not alone. This organisation can help:

http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/

Parenting is the most important job you can do, yet we are all supposed to do it with little or no training or back up.

She sounds very upset & uncertain since the move to playschool. Giving her some measure of control in her life might help - eg "would you like the red jumper or the blue one today?" as opposed to "put that jumper on!". Little things like that can make a big difference, definitely more than shouthing.

Good luck - and please contact Parentline.

[MrsJo49155]

agree with above and would add that you shouldnt have to "shout till you are blue in the face" as this behaviour will only be copied by your daughter. If you adopt a more calm approach then hopefully you will see this mirrored in your daughter.

Bringing up children is never straight-forward and rosy - make sure you have "me" time to keep the atmosphere calmer and more enjoyable for yourself too.

[devilwoman]

hi trady know how you feel, and it feels never ending doe'nt it? but believe me she will grow out of it eventually then when she's a teenager you'll really feel old and desparate, sleepless nights wondering where she is boyfriend trouble, sex issues, cheekiness and so on, enjoy the little one while you can, please dont shout or get blue un the face it makes her worse and you loose control, 2 mins time out in the naughty corner can work wonders if kept up, be strong put her there and walk away and dont forget lots of cuddles praise when she does as you ask ,and activities together can be fun like baking, tidying bedrooms and even playing hide and seek together . good luck

[trulli]

I was jut wondering but could it be due to problems at the playgroup. There may be something or someone she doesn't like and therefore blames you for making her go there? A friends daughter cried all the time at playgroup and her mum just thought it was an anxiety/clingy thing but when the playgroup had to close and she moved her to a different one she didn't cry anymore. Just a thought.

[sixpence]

tradey, my sons are both grown up now with children of their own, but I well remember, when they were young thinking "How can I "hate" someone that I love so much?"
We have all felt like it at times, but we would still die for them, wouldn't we?
I'm sure you'll get a lot of practical advice from other young mums on here, so best wishes to you.

[tradey]

thankyou to you all i was scarred of writing this, coz i know there will be people out there that might think im a terrible mum,and im not,we already have two grown up children 20 and 17 and they were never this bad, sometimes i think is it coz im getting older now well im ony 37 i will try and be carm and not shout,theres one thing i dont do and that is smack,i just walk away.thankyou again it really helped me xx

[Goodsoulette]

2 yr olds are very argumentative souls aren't they. I wish you all the luck getting through this not soo lovely phase.

All I can suggest is try keeping her occupied all the time. Get her looking at books and playing with her and drawing and lots of things like that. My eldest went through a spitting phase (at me) when I went back to work full time. I ignored it and it stopped as quickly as he started it. Shouting never works though in my experience. They just think its ok to do it and do it back, same as smacking.

[tigerthecat]

Your further postingsshed some more light on this situation. Your older children were born into a totally different situation which includes your age and those of your relatives also that you probably had other friends who were younger and too more able to manage the demands of a very young child. If your daughter has had your undivided attention for all that time until she was at playgroup may be why it is so hard for her now. Find yourself more opportunities to be away from her - use your elder two children or find someone who you pay to have her. I willingly pay money I cannot afford for a sitter to have my 4 year old son because it is so hard. I come home from dropping him of and dont tidy but do things that I can't do when he's here like have a bath and listen to the radio. I offer to have my neighbours child over to play because that is surprisingly easier than one on his own. I too am glad that the responses were supportive it wasn't what I expected but goes to show that you are not alone. :-)

[tradey]

tigerthecat youve hit the nail on the head,yep shes had all my attention all the time,think she feels ive abandond her with taking her playschool.ive been out with her today she started to play up but i just ignored her or made her looks at things i also said if you be good when we get home we will make some biscuits up to now shes been great,think its been me mostly need to chill and have time for me coz at the min its me and her all the time,my mums just rang and said she will have her all day and night tomoz looking forward to that time for me and hubby. cheers and thankyou

[jas1002]

I think that most of us hate our Children now and then.

My three year old is just comming out the other side. In the end the nughty step did the job and now I just have to threaten her with it. It got to the stage that I felt I couldn't take her anywhere! Now the Playschool that she go's to say she's the politest child there.

I think you need to be firm and always stick with the answer you've given her. No means no and not maybe.

Not sure if anyone else has asked but - Are there any problems in playschool that could be causing it rather than the 'terrible twos' A child that is trying to discover who they are.

[mycats]

Hey hon, I can only imagine that you are very, very stressed and tired just now, and the guilt you are probably feeling wont be helping. My son is 9 and can be a BRAT! I have seen me in tears thinking "Oh my God, I am the worst mother in the world because I dont like my own child!"
Just think about how you would feel if anything was to happen to her and you will soon realise that you dont hate her at all, you love her but are just tired and stressed. Talk to a health visitor and ask about parenting classes. This is nothing to be ashamed of, asking for help makes you a better parent in my opinion. Good luck hon and come back if you need to x x

[stressed out]

Tradey, I'm in a similar situation wtih my 2year old son. As a baby he cried all the time and whinged, at 3mths after hassling the doctors that it wasn't just "colic" i finally was told he had Gastric Reflux, where he gags and projectile vomits everytime he had a feed, (milk). Then at 7 mths he collapsed in my arms, an ambulance rushed him to hospital where after tests i was told he had a Urine Infection, he has been on antibiotics since, that's 2 yrs! For about a year and a half now, (since he was 1), he has been really difficult and as he aged he got worse, he is very disobedient, does'nt listen, and has me and his nana round his little finger, he never sleeps, cries, whinges and overactive, throws toys and spits!! Now for the last month, he refuses food! (he never ate well anyway). I have begged everyone for help, had doctors, a psycologist, qualified behaviour specialists and now a social worker trying to help, it took alot of me not giving up on "harrassing" doctors etc.. for them to finally confirm that he's Hyperactive! But they still seem reluctant to "diagnose" and don't offer much in the form of help and refuse medical treatment, ie; something that will calm him down. I have just enrolled him in a pre-school which he starts the week after half-term. For a long while i cried thinking i was being a cruel mother, that i did'nt deserve to be one or worse, i wondered what i had done so wrong in my life that i had been "punished" with a difficult baby like mine?.Why i could'nt have had a well behaved one like everyone around me, that ate, slept and behaved? I hate feeling this way and hence i was reluctant to "complain". And i was worried too that i would be seen as not capable of looking after my own child and therefore an unfit mother and Social Services would take him away from me. I find myself shouting at him all the time.