Wanted pregnancy?

[wilson83]

Hello, this is going to sound so strange. But I married my long term boyfriend last september, we have relatively good jobs (although my husband is trying to get into the police force at the moment), we own our house and car and we are both quite healthy, with no debts or finances (except our mortgage). All our close friends are having children and our family would love us to have children. I would very much love to fall pregnant, but my husband is worried that we are not financially stable yet. Or that we haven't done anything we have planned (second honeymoon to Oz). Is this a simple "never a good time to have a baby" situation or are we (me) rushing into this? It may help your decision to know that I am almost 23 and my husband is almost 26.If you agree with my husband, do you have any ideas of how I can be less broody?? Thanks

[tigerthecat]

borrow someone elses under two for the weekend.

[helliebobs]

tigerthecat's suggestion isn't a bad one but I genuinely think there is no good time to have kids - financially or otherwise.

I have just turned 26 and my husband is nearly 24. We've been married for nearly two years but due to my husband doing a degree and training to be a teacher, we are still renting at the moment and won't be in a position to buy a house until he qualifies and gets a job. However, I came off the Pill in December and we're trying for a baby, although we're not yet at the point where it's taken over our lives. While it would undoubtedly make more sense to wait until he has a job and we have our own house, the desire to have a baby is greater for us. I've not fallen pregnant yet which means he could well have graduated by the time I do, but we're just seeing what happens.

However, if your husband is looking to go into the police force, you need to take that into account as it may well turn out to be a stressful and long time for you both.

Also, don't bow to peer pressure - from family or friends. People may tell you you're still young and have plenty of time but at the end of the day the decision is yours and your husbands.

Good luck!

[wilson83]

Thanks for your answers. We have a niece who is almost 2yrs and we love spending time with her. I am also my friends daighters god mother, so I am always around children. Question to helliebob, do you ever worry that you will not cope financially as your husband does not yet have his job or you don't own a home? Do you think it really is a struggle financially or do you think it's a case of not watching what you spend? I am very strict with money. We both have savings and pensions, and I am a bit stingy when it comes to buying things. I personally think we could cope as our friends are worse off financially and cope! I would love a baby, but I am thinking if I am questioning the whole situation than maybe it is a good idea that we wait? Thanks for your answers so far! Goodluck getting pregnant and with your husbands career helliebobs.

[helliebobs]

hi wilson83!

In answer to your question, yes I do worry about how we'd cope financially. I constantly worry about money but we have managed well so far and we're both quite sensible and don't live beyond our means. But money will always be a worry, unless you win the lottery. The cost of bringing up a child can be high but the population would grind to a halt if people let that get in the way. It doesn't have to cost a fortune.

As I said previously, we are just going to see what happens but nothing guarantees you will fall pregnant straight away anyway. I have 3 young nephews so I'm happy being aunty to them in the meantime.

All the best and thank you for your good wishes.

[dilf]

you are right wilson this is the right time to get pregnant which is exactly why you wont. to get pregnant you must lose your jobs, fall behind on the mortgage payments,have the car re-posessed and you have to have an affair with your partners brother

hey presto twins

[wilson83]

Thanks for your answers. I think I understand your irony (if thats the right word) dilf. Had a chat with my husband yesterday and he is really not ready, so it looks like ill have to wait a little longer. I think I have come to the conclusion that for myself that it's definately a case of never a good time situation. But I think it won't be long!! :o) thanks again guys

[Sparkles3]

I agree that there's no right time as such. But I would say that you need to both be sure you've done all you want to do that would be more difficult with children. I am very happy with my 2 gorgeous children and wouldn't change it - we were both very keen to have them, but didn't really (honestly) consider the lack of freedom they bring with them! I wish we had spent more time before them doing the travelling, weekend breaks away, trips out to a nice restaurant for dinner etc. as with a 1 and 3 year old in bed by 7.30, the TV is just about it now! Hope you find what's right for you both.

[Bohne]

Most importantly I think that the fact your family would love you to have children ist not a very good reason to have them...

You have to realize that your life will change dramatically (not necessarily to the worse) after you have a baby.

I am 34 at the moment, just expecting my first.
For me it was important to do everythng I wanted to do for myself first.
Now I have a well paid job, I am a dive instructor, I have been on many great holidays, and finally my husband and me decided that it was time to think of children.

It is important, that you and your husband talk about this and the two of you have to find a way that suits both of you.
If you get too desperate for a baby and your husband still wants to wait, both of you won't be happy.
However, if you simply because of other people's views think it was time for a baby, relax, it is your life, and you have to find the right time for yourself.
My mother would have loved to be a grandmother at least 10 years ago...
There is no rush for you.
You are very young.

But talk to your husband about your wishes and worries.

Maybe you can set a time for you to start planning for a family. Maybe you say, in the next five years, and both of you can be happy with it.