my baby

[applebee]

I am 20 years old and recently found out I am pregnant, I've been upset about it since i am in the middle of college, and a coop. I also do not have a good relationship with the father. We broke up, and three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was horrified at the idea of being forced to maintain a relationship with him. He is currently pushing for an abortion, i have ethical, as well as some religious problems with that decision. I know I would be flled with guilt forever because of it too. It's not that I don't want children...cause i do, this is just terrible timing and with a bad situation. The father says that I do not have legal rights to give it up for adoption, and he says he will go through ANY legal means to prevent it. I don't know how much control he really has, and I am really scared and depressed about the decisions that need to be made. If anyone has suggestions i would greatly appreciate it!

[Scarlett]

I think you should get yourself to your GP right now, and ask for some couselling. It is crucial that you have some help from someone unbiased and sympathetic- and the sooner the better. Good luck. xxx

[SaxyJag]

I agree with Scarlett. Get some counselling as soon as you can and don't rush into anything. The counsellor will also be advise you on your legal rights.

When you do make a decision, make it for yourself and no-one else.

And I may be wrong, but given he's trying to get you to have an abortion, I doubt he will be able to prevent you giving the baby up for adoption, if that's what you eventually decide.

Keep strong.

[noxlumos]

As ever the people above offer excellent advice. I can only add that it is your body to do with as you see fit and should you wish to have this baby and then have it adopted that is your right and nothing whatsoever to do with the biological father. He only has as much control as you allow him to have and at the moment he's capitalising on how vulnerable you feel.As stated above, go and get some support from your GP etc and remember you are in control and no-one can bully you into doing anything you don't want to. Keep your options open with regards to keeping your baby or adopting. If you keep it, it does NOT mean you have to have any sort of relationship with the father at all necessarily and you certainly don't have to have an abortion you don't want just because he says so. Hope things work out for you.

[curly chick]

I really empathise with you...however think long and hard having a child is a lifetime commitment. Babies don't stay babies for long. If you have ambitions for yourself then having a child may deter you from achieving them. Don't let anyone but yourself make the decision...and don't feel guilty with whatever decision you make...now really is a time to be just that bit selfish. Best of luck.

[curiosity]

I agree with all the posts here, it's obviously a difficult time, but I think Curly Chick is right, you are number one at the moment, make sure your needs are met, whatever they are.

[kate1976]

First off big hugs to you!

Please don't panic, he can't make you do anything you don't want to, he's just playing on your fears and emotions!

As others have suggested, get to the GP and talk it over there, do you have any close family/friends that could support you at this time? Every supporter you have will make you stronger, if you have nobody then I'm sure if you pop in here from time to time you'll get no end of support from us!

Please stay strong and don't let him bully you! Do seek help from your GP though!

Take care and don't forget to come back and update us as to how you're doing!

xxxx

[tradey]

all i can say applebee is you do what is right for you and no one else,but please get to the doctors as soon as you can you need to know how far you are,and also talk to someone about how your feeling,you said your not with the babies dad,theres lots of women out there who arent with the dads and do a better job without them,just take one day at a time first,but really really think what is right for you take care keep us infomed xx

[applebee]

Thank you all for being so supportive and responding SO soon! I have been to my GP, and a doctor specializing in womens health. I am just 8 weeks along. I did one session of quick counseling out of the clinic, but they didn't give me any advice better than u guys. If there is any legal eagles out there please drop me a post! Thanks! :)

[meltoadhall]

as far as i know this is your body and you can with it as you see fit.
unless the father has his name on that birth certificate ( if you choose to go that route) and you are married then he has no legal rights at all.
I may be wrong and I'm sure that someone will come along if I am ............

[janetsflower]

Of course you can have it adopted - the father can't stop you and thats a fact. Think about it- no one can force you to bring up a child you don't want, think he is just trying to scare you into an abortion because he is worried about maintenance payments etc that he might be forced to make. I would call your local socail services office to find out about adoption because obviously it isn't as common these days as it was pre abortion laws but there are still plenty of people out there who would love to be parents to your little one. Look after yourself and don't feel guilty whatever you decide, its your life and body and you know whats best for that baby

[sam82]

have you tried talking to your parents, i hate talking to mine about things, but i do feel they offer the best advice as they trully have your best intrests at heart.

[applebee]

BIg hugs and thanks to all. It means a lot that you all took time to write sincere helpful things!

[havinmysay]

i so feel 4 u i was in the same position i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant when we split up he also told me to have an abortion and all though i knew i wernt ready 4 a baby i couldnt face 2 abort my baby. my son is now 10 months old and is the best thing that has ever happened it is hard been a single parent but u get through it u have 2 im sure college will let u have a year out anyway u no what to do stay in touch with us all xxx

[twiggz211]

i think if u didnt want a baby u should of used protection ok its not far to kill a baby that didnt ask to be here u have to relize thats a real human inside of u i think u shoul;d keep the baby and take a year off and then finish after having a baby can mature u im 22 n i had my first son and its the best thing that could have happen to me im not in the best financial situation either but u sacrface im not trying to be rude but as a mother there are many woman out there dying to have a babie and cant due to medical reason and ppl like u are killing them like nothing