2 year old suddenly not sleeping on his own

[gleaveyweave]

HELP!!! I have two sons, aged 2 (almost 3) and 5 (almost 6). The bedtime routine has always been as follows: I take 2 year old up about 7pm, read story, sing a song and then he lies down, I kiss him goodnight and leave the room. He is happy to drop off on his own and then at 8pm, I take 5 year old up (to the same room) and lie with him until he nods off (have to do this due to mistakes I made when he was younger) and then leave and that's it for the night. The last couple of nights, I have followed the same routine with 2 year old but now, when I leave the room, he kicks off big time and screams to come down until he is sick! He will then (begrudgingly) go up with 5 year old and I have to wait for them both to go to sleep before I can leave. I have no idea as to why this has happened, nothing has changed and my 2 year old was not aware that I stayed with 5 year old as he was always asleep. Sorry it's such a long post but if anyone can take a moment to give me some advice, I would be most grateful. TIA

[~posy~]

hi!! i have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old. for as long as i can remember they have always gone to bed at the same time, my eldest has always wanted to go to bed at the same time as the younger one, now they cannot settle unless they know the other one is in bed too. i don't see why you shouldn't put them to bed at the same time, let them both share the story and song time. i think you are going to have to break the association of them falling asleep with you in the room. take it slowly explain that because they are big that they don't need you in the room but you won't leave them completely yet, put a chair in the room for you to sit on and sit on that chair til they drop off. slowly move the chair towards the door til hopefully after a couple of weeks it is outside of the room. also introduce a star chart maybe?? for if they go to sleep without playing up they can have a treat in the morning. just lots of reassurance that you still love them but they are such big boys now!! hope some of what i said has made sense and that you find it of some use. good luck xXx

[hol5]

i just wondered if the 2 year old is still having a nap in the day? i am currentley having problems at bedtime because he sleeps during the day and i know that really he should'nt be, its a difficult one to break. But if your problems stems from that it could be an idea to try and break him from the afternoon sleep if he will....

I also have two boys in the same room a 3 and 4 year old but put them to be at the same time.

as for you laying in there, i've never had that one to deal with, sorry...

[lady_p_gold]

You have to nip this in the bud before it becomes a major problem. You say he screams to come down until he is sick and then will go up with the 5 year old, this means that you have let him come down again then, so in effect his kicking and screaming have given him what he wants. As suggested you could try putting them both to bed together but you should either put them to bed and then kiss them goodnight and leave and if they get up again do not speak to them or interact or give them any attention just keep returning them to bed over and over until they give up. It may take a few nights though. Either that or if you lie with them keep quiet and still and do not look at them, look away and just say 'sh sh' and no other verbal communication and just gradually get further away each night until the two year old can just get off to sleep without you. The key to it is not to 'reward' any difficult behaviour with attention. It takes some strength but if you start altering everything around them you could end up with a child that will not settle unless you are there and you don't want that.

[stressed out]

Hi, I sympathise with you as my son is 2 and a half and up to about 9 months ago he was sleeping well on his own in his cot and i would leave the room then one night, following the same routine, he began screaming and crying and stiffened when i put him in his cot! Nothing had changed... i spent hours trying to settle him and eventually i had to put him in my bed! ... Up to today he is still in my bed and i have to go at the same time as him and lay down too!
I am 4 mths pregnant again and i know soon i'll have to get him out of this routine but i too just don't know how!

X

[lj2006]

SNAP!!!
I have a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old daughter.
My 4 year old was terrible as a baby she had sever colic and would only slepp whilst being soothed by rocking hence she would end up in our bed, we stopped all this when i found out i was expecting our second daughter through long nights of sitting in her room until she was asleep and doing this several times a night we cracked it and she sleeps from 8 until 6.30am every night very well with us putting her in bed with a kiss and a story and she goes. HOWEVER... our 2 year old WAS fantastic until about 2 months ago when she started getting out of bed and wandering back down the stairs after she was put to bed, to the extent this would happen about 6 times before i would give in and sit with her until she fell asleep sometimes way past 9. oclock. Bang goes my evening.
She then and still does constantly wake during the night trying to get in our bed, i take her back to hers wit her screaming which then wakes the older daugher, which is great fun for all of us at 2am. so i have practically given us just so we can all get a nights sleep and she ends up in with us.
I wish i had an answer i am hoping its just a terrible two's phase!!! one night i will persist with putting her back in her bed, but need to charge myself up for that night

[trogette]

I thing parenting is always about meeting the current need, whatever it is, and atm your 2yo needs *something* different to what was going on before. As for lying down with your child being down to making mistakes... I dunno... why is it a mistake to give your child needed contact and comfort?

No magic answers, sorry, but I just wanted to say something to redress the balance towards 'nip it in the bud.' Nighttime Parenting and The No-Cry Sleep Solution might be helpful reads.

[gleaveyweave]

Thank you all so much for your replies, it's nice to know I am not alone with this! I will put them to bed together from now on and will have to try and convince my older son that now he has his brother to settle down with, he no longer needs me to stay with him. My worry is that, if I keep staying for the sake my 5 year old, the little one will get so used to it, he won't want me to leave either and this has never been an issue before!
Thanks again and my sympathies and best of luck go out to you who have the same or similar problems. The joys of being a parent hey?!!!!

[stars198821]

I have a 2 year old who slept through the night untill a week before his second birthday, he has one nap during the day, and by bed-time he is nackered still. When i put him to bed i have to leave the door open and put a dvd on for back- ground noise. But ten minutes after from leaving the room, i have screaming sweating because worked himself up and then the final straw is that he will be sick to get my attention, obviously i run upstairs to clean him up, but from that point he wont let me leave the room, i have to lay on the floor beside the cot and watch the same dvd everynight. It's so hard because to top all that he wakes up at half 5 every morning and some half 4. It's like i have got a demon child, set out to exaust me. Thanks for listening.