Sisters - its a long one

[tiggeralix]

I took my 16 year old sister in a couple of months ago as she wasn't getting along at home. for the first couple of weeks she was perfect - doing what she was asked to do and helping out with her 2yr old neice. now she has switched like dr jeykll and mr hyde, she wont do anything and kicks off when i say no, she shares her room with my daughter and gets in a stress when i wont move my daughter into my room when she wants her friends to stay neven though she has had people over for last 3 nights. am struggling to cope with her as im only 21 but dont wanna kick her out. her friends are here 24/7 and they drink and constantly get drunk. i feel its her friends causing the problems but whenever i try and talk to her she wont listen and i have had complaints from my neighbours over the noise of her mates when they hang around, i've tried getting them to leave but they only listen to my sister even though its my house - any advice would be appreciated

[B00]

And now you know why she "wasn't getting on at home" !!!

Speak to your mum/ parents, get this girl back home to them. As much as she's your sister and you obviously love her, you don't need this hassle, you've a 2 yr old for heavens sake, who it's also not fair on.

[tiggeralix]

she left home a month before she was 16 and refuses to go back and they wont have her back as they cant cope with her either

[B00]

Is she working? Enough to get her own place? If she's not, how about threatening her with the Social Services if she doesn't abide by a your rules (your house, your rules!)

I also think you still need to speak to your parents- as much as they claim they've washed their hands of her, they MUST accept some responsibility here, even if its only to help their other daughter -which is you!

[tiggeralix]

social services wont do anything to help as her parents have been down that route. she drives me insane but i love her all the same. she doesnt work as she is about to start college full time - i have said she should get a part time job but with most teenagers it seems they want everything put in their lap all the time - i maybe 21 but i had 3 jobs at 16 and was at college so i dont see why she wont get one

[tiggeralix]

i might add she is my hlf sister our biological mum died when i was 13 and her 8, i lived with my father and she lived with hers

[B00]

I really feel for you tiggeralix- I fully understand as I'm going through the exact same thing with my 18 yr old daughter. I've really no further suggestions for you, other than trying to sit her down and explain how her behavior is affecting you and your niece.

Keep ya chin up girl, apparently they do grow out of this phase, least that's what I'm telling myself!

[tiggeralix]

Thanks B00 - i know i was a troublesome teen but i had different reasons for leaving home early - i will try and talk to her again tomorrow as she has gone out for the night - fingers crossed

[B00]

Good luck sweety, let me know how you get on :-)

[tiggeralix]

will do

[Fernikle]

Have you tried getting in touch with your local council and seeing if they have any supported accomodation for youngsters? Councils have contact points for these first stage "hostel" type places and they can help you better than the social services - they are hopeless and insensitive, because they are all over budgeted. I know, I used to be one. Other than that try connexions. They too are more attuned to the needs of kids at this age. You need to be selfish for your daughter and yourself, and believe me you will be doing the right thing. One day she will thankyou - after the initial storm has passed - no one likes change from the easy life. Let us know how you get on. LoL x

[lady_p_gold]

For the sake of your daughter if nothing else you MUST sort this out and it is tough love I am afraid. She is just using you and will drag you down, she needs a reality check and needs to be sent on her way. If she ends up in trouble then it is NOT your fault, you have offered warmth and shelter and she has thrown it in your face.

[lastchance]

You must sort this out because if you are in rented accomodation you might find you and your daughter homeless because of her selfishness (the noise etc). If she has such good friends why does she not go and live with them? you both seem to have had a difficult past and you are coping better but don't take on her crap, focus on you and your child that is your most important job. Without other people pandering to her your sister will grow up much quicker and a stronger person.

[OBonio]

Your priority here is your daughter (I know you know that). If any of this is having a detrimental effect on her (and I guess that it must be), then you must give your selfish sibling the heave ho. Sometimes responsibility has to be pushed on people before they appreciate what they had before.

[Hellion]

This is a time for tough love I'm afraid as your daughter is more important. I would point out to her that if she doesn't toe the line you'll have to contact social services and she could end up in a children's home as she is under 18. I would actually goes as far as saying she has to leave at the end of the week and go as far as putting her bags on the doorstep tell her she's welcome back but it's your house your rules and your daughter is no. 1 on the priority list.

Good luck - hug to you xx

[tiggeralix]

thanks for all your help and advice - will be talkking to her tomorrow as she is away and will keep you posted x x

[B00]

Awww thanks for letting us know- fingers crossed for you chick, good luck!

Keep us updated :-)

[mccfluff]

you know my thoughts!