Any chance of a private life?

[HJT40]

I have been a single parent for what seems a life time, although did live with someone during this time and it is not like I have had a procession of males in and out of the house! My daughter is now 12 and beginning to live her own life. She stays at her dads on a Friday night, but always wants to come home really early the next morning and if she is at her grandads they can turn up at any time, usually with the excuse that she doesn't feel well. I can have men friends, but if she thinks that it may become more than that she finds reasons not to leave my side! In fact she behaves like a mother checking up on her daughter.........Help, sometimes I would like a private life and catching boy germs can be fun sometimes!

[HJT40]

Ok, reading that back I should expand! I don't want to be on my own forever, I would love a relationship, but seem to have big hurdle in the way, unless I am the hurdle? Would love a significant other to be in my life, but I feel like I am not allowed. Do all kids think it is gross for their parents to be affectionate with someone? How do I go about introducing someone to her that I want to spend time with? Does that make more sense?

[tallgirl35]

Hi

I'm a single mum with two girls aged 9 and 12. I left their Dad when they were 3 yrs and 6mths old respectively and have divorced again since.. the shame!! I am seeing someone now, but he lives abroad (in the forces) which makes it easier for them I suppose.

I've found just being honest about feelings etc. really helps and they understand the difference between my male friends and 'partners' - but like you, there has not been a procession of men. They are more relaxed with my friends and I think it's because they've got to the age where they know to a certain degree about sex and are embarrassed by mum having a 'boyfriend'.

When my partner comes over, he sees the girls, but does not stay over whilst they are at home as I don't think they're ready for seeing a man in my bed yet and I'm fortunate that they stay for whole weekends with their dad and have got parents and friends who will also have them overnight. Just take a relationship slowly and give your daughter time to get used to sharing you - she'll be used to having her to herself and reassure her and try to explain what you need. You need and deserve a private life!! I understand the difficulties though...... you could do what one of my friends does - go out, so her kids can't be brought home early!!

[lynneylou]

I think its your daughter's own insecurities and obviously she has a very close bond with you and feels very protective of you. a good book to read is How to really love your child, mentions in there what to do when your child becomes the parent.

[HJT40]

Thank you Tallgirl and Lynneylou. The book mentioned is on order as we speak, a little bed time reading! It is really good to be able to say what I am thinking and get responses from people who have either been in the same position or who give time and thought to my problem when they don't even know me. I am very grateful :-) x

[tallgirl35]

Hope it all works out for you, your daugher and prospective partner... best wishes..... x