Baby sleeping with parents

[gaz_farr]

Our 5 month old baby sleeps with me and my partner in our double bed.

My partner will not let the baby sleep in her cot as she doesnt want the baby to cry herself to sleep as she thinks it will distress the baby

I am not happy about this,
What should I do?

Would the baby get distressed by crying herself to sleep?
Is it dangerous for the baby to sleep with us?

[Aunty Lou]

HI
The main thing is to speak to your partner about your feelings and see if maybe she feels the same way?
I personally would say that it was more dangerous for the baby to sleep with you than cry herself to sleep.
This does not mean sleeping with you is wrong but I think it is recommended that they dont sleep with you for safety reasons,ie maybe they could get tangled in the duvet? you could roll on them?.
Crying themselves to sleep sounds harsh but if its done correctly it shouldnt harm them at all. Controlled crying is a method that is highly researched and should you use it properly I have known children to settle within a couple of days using this method. basically you lay them in their cot kiss them goodnight etc follow thier usual routine and then leave the room.When they cry you go back in and settle them without picking them up,then leave again each time you wait a couple of minutes longer before going in and settling them down.Heart wrenching to hear them cry but you will get the hang of knowing the temper cry and a heart broken one that really does need a cuddle.
good luck xxxx

[winny]

Oh bless you. It is hard but crying themselvs to sleep is not cruel and might not even happen. If you can settle them in their cot with you there at first the slowly move away they might settle well. Your partner is perhaps insecure about something and that is why she doesnt want to be far away from baby. It is tough love but would she let you do the bed time routine untill baby gets hang of it. I am not sure about dangerous or not but you will struggle to break this habit later on. The longer you leave it the harder it will be and I am sure in the end your partner will expect baby out.
Good luck and auntie lou has good advice too.

[Solarjunkie]

Personally, I never let my children cry themselves to sleep, so I can understand why your partner is reluctant. However, they do not necessarily cry in their own beds! As long as they are warm, comfortable and preferably sleepy, they will sleep as happily as you do in your bed.

What about daytime naps? Where does she sleep then? Could she get used to her own bed by napping in her cot, maybe with mum holding her hand at first, then gradually withdrawing, to a chair in the room, then a chair on the landing, etc. Can you put a cot next to your bed? Then the baby can be close until she is a bit more familiar with her own bed. Goodluck - and remember, sleeping with the parents is usual in most countries!

[Beanmistriss]

A bloke who went to my school rolled on his baby in the night and suffocated the poor wee thing :/

[meltoadhall]

all my girls slept in the bed with us for the first few months, but only coz i breastfed and didnt want to get out of bed. lol
i also had the cot next to the bed with side down for easy access, they rarely cried when i put them in the cot as they were happy, sleepy and full.
it doesnt hurt them to cry for a little bit, but not the full blown screaming, at that age.

[firehazzard]

I had trouble at first and let mine sleep in with me sometimes. Yes excessive crying does distress babies but there is a trick and you will need perserverance. let baby cry for 5 mins then go to her dont pick her up just stroke her cheek and and talk softly saying night night or sing song, do not put light on, then leave room even if shes still crying, leave it 7 mins and do the same, then leave it 10 mins , but dont pick her up and dont stay with her for more than a minute or two. Gradually leave room for longer periods she will realise that she wont be getting up and will eventually drop off to sleep , this may take a couple of nights b4 it works completely, but it will work.

[noxlumos]

Our babies slept with us, then got sidelined into a cot right by the bed and finally they had their own room. I tend to agree largely with your wife to be honest, I don't think it's right for a child to cry itself to sleep, and you create the wrong atmosphere for a child to readily go to bed on it's own if it learns to associate bedtime with being distressed so you'll create problems for yopurself later if you're not careful. we've never had big bedtime dramas and I've largely put that down to our babies feeluing safe and secure and sleeping with us for the first few months. Don't drink, take drugs or sleeping tablets if you have a baby in bed with you, otherwise you are very unlikely to smother her or cause her any harm.

[Beanmistriss]

I think that bloke I know had been drinking. I'm sure it must be pretty safe or it would be in the papers all the time wouldn't it.