Same old.............teens

[HJT40]

I have a 12 year old daughter, who has a poor self image. I understand that what we see in the mirror isn't what other people see, but I give praise, I pay her compliments on how she looks, I do everything I can to build herself up. She really is beautiful! I was put on anti depressants a couple of months ago and she seems to be able to counteract any good effect that have on me, in a matter of minutes! I guess from somethings that she had a crush on a boy at school, but he has a "girlfriend", but she has not talked to me about this. Now she is asking to meet up with her friends in a park, too far away from home and I have said no. She tells me that these are the only people who don't think that she is weird. Is this just emotional blackmail to get what she wants? Her Dad doesn't live with us, but is not very good when it comes to helping with these things. Is it too much to ask that no actually means no?

[yummymum]

firstly, What are the reasons for not letting her go to the park? is it not safe? do you not trust her or her friends? secondly you maybe her Mum and she no doubt loves you very much but your opinion on her looks wont count in her book, its the opinion of her mates and other kids her age that will. Do you let her choose her own clothes, let her have her hair how she wants {within reason}?? Try talking to her about why she feels this way and see what you can change, i agree that the comment about her friends being the only ones that understands her could be blackmail but i also think she could be really trying to change herself and parts of her life she is not happy with, trying to fit in and have more freedom maybe.

[cameo]

I have a 15 year old daughter. She is never 'happy' with her appearance. This is normal!
It doesn't matter if i tell her she looks nice, pretty ect. she always accuses me of not being honest with her. I wonder why she asks me if she's not going to believe what i say!
As yummymum says it's all about what her friends think and not what we think. Having said that her friends tell her that she is pretty and not fat but she doesn't believe them either, but I'm the one she shouts at !!
teenagers - wonderful aren't they!!!!

[HJT40]

Thank you both for your answers, it is good knowing others views. With regards the park it is a big park over a mile away from home and crossing busy roads, however, it is known for an amount of drug dealing and whilst I do trust her not to be tempted, I do not want her, or her friends, getting associated with that scene. I also do not know and have never met her friends. Perhaps this is the first step?

[yummymum]

Why dont you tell her she can invite her friends round one night or maybe on a saturday, if they live far away you could get in touch with the other parents to organise some transport to and from, if its a long way to her friends houses then maybe a sleep over could be arranged? I would definatley get in touch with the other parents and see what they let thier children do, this will give you an idea of the boundaries to set that you will be happy with and seem fair to your daughter. do you drive? if you do maybe you could take her and her friends somewhere at the weekend, maybe drop them of at the pictures/bowling and pick them up after a set time. I agree with you over the park situation however your daughter will no doubt come across drug deelers etc many times throughout her life and she as to learn how to deal with such people correctly without getting drawn in, maybe you could let her go once during the week for a couple of hours on the condition that either you give her a lift or she saves pocket money to get a taxi/bus there and back, now would be a good time to let her do things at night as its lighter nights and you could have her back home before its dark. Good luck xx