ex husbands- please advise

[spanner7853]

Here it goes. I just want a bit of advise really. I have 2 children from a previosu relationship and usually I get on really well with their father. However he has just got with a new lady and proposed to her etc.

In the summer holidays I have 2 weeks off he has 2 weeks and my new husband and grandparents (on ex's side as I have no family) have them for the remainder of the time as I work full time. Before my ex went to Paris to propose to new girlfriend he told me he wasn't going to have them for the whole 2 weeks like he normally does (to give me a break) as he wanted to see his girlfriend. Not only that he told me to leave my children (aged 13 and 10) at home while I go to work and he will pick them up when he's ready.

Well I'm absolutely fuming. I wont leave the kids at home and I have already told him he better be there when I drop them off tomorrow. I am so worried he wont be there. what would you do? and what do I do if he's not there? I asked my daughter why his new girlfriend cant sleep at his house and apparently she has a cat. Well this woman is 38 and can look after herself. 2 weeks out of a year he has them for the whole time and now he cant even manage that. Also this will be the last time I have a break until my new baby is born in November. I am so dissapointed in him and feel sorry for my kids as well as they have realised he wants to spend more time with his girlfriend than with them.

[taperface]

What are you doing, going out to work when you have a new baby? It seems there are several issues at stake here - one that your ex isn't pulling his weight - two, that he even DARE suggest you leave your children alone until he picks them up (I hope everything went well!) - and three, I get a sneaky feeling that it's YOU who's miffed about his seeming preference to be with his new gf. Personally, it's your 2 children I feel sorry for - who're going to feel pushed out by their so-called father. He seems a waste of time & effort, & until your kids are old enough to decide about their dad, I think you're better off parenting on your own.

[spanner7853]

I havent' had the baby yet it's due in 3 months. I would love to take the time to look after my children permanently but then I would be living on benefits as need the money to pay for my mortgage. I only get 30 days holiday a year and I take most of it off in the school holidays. I am miffed that he is prioritising his now fiancee over his children but I'm not jealous i'm glad he has found someone etc. As for yesterday I dropped them off at his mothers he then text me to see where they were so I told him to pick them up from his mum's. He was there today. Think mummy might of said a few words to the inconsiderate t**t

[earsugar]

There is always pressure in these circumstances, sure it is wrong of him to change plans, it is certainly wrong of him to expect you to leave the kids alone but to suggest that you abandon him altogether seems over the top, especially on the strength of under 1000 words.


Your feelings are justified and valid, he should not let his children down, it is the number one rule of being a non residential father, kids dont forget. That said he should also not be cast aside, you will need a strong support network with a new baby on the way, I urge you to reconcile your differences in a manner that lets him know that he was in the wrong but his kids need contact with their dad and move on.

That way you have done everything you can to maintain a heathly father/kids relationship. Rest is up to him, if he fails then he fails alone.



Good luck with the baby x

[taperface]

Good luck to you Spanner - I didn't know you hadn't had your baby yet, but it's such a shame that parents feel they have to go out to work & then leave their kids with someone else. I moved to a smaller house for this very reason, & then brought two up on my own (one disabled). I hope everything works out for you, and that your children grow into decent adults. The situation needs to be addressed with your ex., and if - like mine - he chooses to ignore it - then he's going to lose out in the end.

[dee26]

im sorry had you not realised that mens needs come before anyone elses!
i mean how dare you put HIS children before his girlfriend, i hope you feel ashamed of yourself!!!!!!!!!!

hope it all works out and he comes to his senses before his kids give up on him.
good luck with the baby

[Mantha79]

I'm a single mother trying to work full time in the same situation. I no how you feel, your just filled with fury! but if you dare express this, everyone puts it down to Jelousy..It's such a struggle when you break up, and your doing the honourable thing by trying to work and keep your head above water without taking benefits...listen, Men do not have the same emotional attachment or instincts as we do...they don't look at the whole picture, just the facts..they can't be there at that time, or that place, and we have to deal with it, if we kick up a fuss, were just all mental!
I think if yourt children feel the way you think they do urge them to express them selves and tell their dad them selves? also I have learnt to always have a back up plan, as I am let down constantly.

Obviously try and keep the relationship between them, as kids need both parents, but be prepared..sometimes when they have new children with a new partner, it gets worse...sometimes.

Also, did you no, that if thinks get really bad, your mortgage can be paid for, interest only..the only draw back is when you sell, you have to pay it all back...so I would rather struggle, and pay, knowing that I will reap the rewards at the end of it.

Hope it goes well and good luck!
x