night terrors

[beverleymot]

i have 2 yr old who has woken screaming at 3:40am on 2 occasions last week. last night he woke at 4:40am. i am a little concerned. can he have night mares at this age? he has also mentioned being "hurt" by his dads girlfriend three weeks ago and now he wont even go with his dad. his dad has to see him at my house and i have to supervise them as he screams when i leave them alone. he is not like this when he is left with anyone else ( ie: my partner, my mum) and he never used to be like this with his Dad.

Could the two be connected? and does anyone have any tips on how i can sort this out cos it's starting to get really upsetting!! Thanks

[redcrx]

babies can start getting nightmares at this age. My son had one about dinosaurs trying to eat through his stairgate last week. I agree it can be very upsetting to see them distressed but try not to show it. Quietly talk your child into a calmer state, keep the bedroom light off, until they are settled again, then leave to fall asleep.

What has his father said about it? is it true that the girlfriend hurt him in anyway, even accidentally?

[beverleymot]

she denies it. we are keeping them separate, ie: i have said Jake will not be staying over again or going near their house until she is gone as i am not prepared to take the risk with my son being around her. his Dad is co - operating on this and as i said he sees jake at my house or we go out together to the park with him. very sad situation to be in really. his girlfriend has a real problem with me and i think she might be holding this against my son- who knows

[treborrobert]

for god sake get a grip ! carnt you see she is use your son to get bk at you keep him well away...from that girlfriend....as for your son ... has he got a teddy or something like that to take bed with him ? to hug at nites ? and do u let him sleep with the light on ( dim ) hope he is not in the dark coz i hated the dark when i was younger.. and dont give him sweets fruit juice or crisp up to 2 hours before bed .....and why is he scream with his dad ? somethings happend ?

[redcrx]

trebor. even if a child has all those things at night it still wont prevent dreams and nightmares.

beverley Im pleased to see that his dad isnt forcing the issue and has agreed that the girlfriend shouldnt be around him whilst theres a possibility that she did hurt or upset him. I hope that in time with careful treatment your son gradually calms down and can stay with his dad without the girlfriend present.

[VillageVicar]

Please immediately phone the NSPCC support number for adults on: 0808 800 5000 for advice. I�m concerned about what you�ve shared about his behaviour when left alone with his father and girlfriend. As he is unable to articulate his concerns verbally, NSPCC may refer you to a counsellor who will help assess the situation, often with the support of child and family services.

If the child demonstrates discomfort in being with his own father, it may suggest the child�s distress over the fact his father failed to help him, or he may have been witness (or worse) to forms of aggression and violence.

This is an important matter that you need to document in a diary as well as discuss before the child is potentially placed at risk again.

My thoughts are with you

Fr Bill

[tazz214]

I went though a similar thing with my daughter when she was that age. She hated being alone with her dad after we had split up, it may just be the fact that he is insecure, one parent suddenly leaving can often have strange effects on a child and he may be worried that daddy is taking him away from mummy. I presume he is used to spending most of his time with you? My daughter would not go out anywhere with her father without me going with them and she wouldn't even sit in the same room as him alone but this was down to a fear of mummy not coming back, he had never harmed her in any way.

[VillageVicar]

Beverley: I reflected overnight on the advise I shared with you here. And this morning I spoke with a fellow priest. She and I often chat about issues on AB.

My primary concern is regarding your statement that your son claims he was 'hurt by his father's girlfriend three weeks ago.' I can't imagine a 2 year old being able to articulate time in such a way. So I guessed you were referring to the last time he was with her.

However, if he has said he was hurt by her, I hope you had him try to either act out, or explain to his ability what happened. If he commented that she hurt him three weeks after the event, but in the instant he saw her, he clearly has sufficient memory to recognise that he is not comfortable with her. And as such, you need to seek advice.

However, in the dynamic of failed relationships, especially when there may be the pain of seeing an 'ex' moving on, it's important to ensure nothing is being seen in your eyes that isn't there.

I wish you every success

Fr Bill

[beverleymot]

hi people thanks for your advice- i plan on keeping them well apart. My son stays with my Mum during the day and he is with me every night and weekend now. Me and his father split when he was 8 months old and has seen him every other sunday since so it can't even be blamed on a routine change. I don't think his Dad would be aware of anyhting going on before and i know he wouldn't tolerate her hurting his son. i think seeing his dad reminds him of seeing her which is why he is so nervous to go, but each time he sees him he gets more upset. My son is too young to act out what happened, he came into the kitchen and said " gemma naughty" then ran back in the living room and i asked him to repeat what he said but he wouldn't. i said to him is gemma hurting you and he said "yes". i dont know how she has hurt him and it could be something really simple like telling him off but eitherway he really isn't happy seeing his dad and his girlfriend and it's really upsetting.

I stopped him seeing our son before and after 6 months in court and social service visits, social services decided that he was fit to see our son. Therefore if i stop him from seeing our son i will be fined �50 for every day i stop them. The system is so stupid.!

To be honest i don't wanna stop him- i wanna keep his girlfriend and my son separate.

[beverleymot]

sorry village vicar forgot to say- me and his dad split 2 years ago- i have been with my new partner for a year and we are very happy- nothing being seen in my eyes that aint there, as we are very happy. there is nothing this end that makes him uncomfortable because apart from the night mares he is generally a happy child and it only hapens when he sees his dad. also sometimes his dad gets his brother to pick my son up as he isn't allowed to bring his girlfriends car near my house and so when my son sees his uncle ( whether its to pick jake up or just to say hello) he cries- i can only think thats because he has come to take him to his dads

[beverleymot]

sorry my son must think he his uncle has come to take him to his dads

[Ice-Maiden]

Listen to your own intuition. The main concern here is for your child. If Jake cries and has nightmares when he sees his father & his girlfriend, then he's feeling uncomfotable about something. I'd make precise notes everytime this happens, and contact the NSPPC about your concerns. The best of luck.

[beverleymot]

thanks everyone for your help

[VillageVicar]

Beverly: May I encourage you to contact your local NCH, if not for any reason other than to help you find peace of mind. Should there be any other issues, it will also serve as an important audit trail of concerns.

I'm never comfortable reading about matters such as these especially due to the often complex nature of dynamics. But I'd suggest that qualified advice can never be a disadvantage.

I wish you well

Fr Bill

[beverleymot]

thanks villagevicar. how do i contact them?

[VillageVicar]

Beverley: I hope this helps

http://www.nch.org.uk/ourservices/index.php?i= 30

I wish you every success

Fr Bill

[beverleymot]

thanks village vicar

[bodds]

beverley for goodness sake just go round and give her a good slapping, im sure that would give you great satisfaction! and keep your son away from her, im sure your mam thinks her grandson is the best thing since sliced bread and treats him wonderfully, grandparents, where would we be without them! i bet youd be lost without your mam wouldnt you

[andrea81]

What I will say is that children at this age who say things about being hurt by someone else DON'T lie. If he says that his dads gf has hurt him then she probably has. Maybe there is a perfectly good explanation, but I wouldn't brush it aside!

This is what is called a Disclosure! Children don't lie or make things up about things like that! (i'm in childcare and know from experience)

About waking up, it could be connected, but I think your health visitor should help!

Good Luck x

[beverleymot]

thanks andrea i never thought about speaking to my health visitor- so now i will. thank you. when me and his dad first discussed what he said he did suggest that our son was too young to know what he was saying but i said just as you did- that kids dont lie especially about things like that. it's not the sort of thing a 2 yr old says everyday either!!

[banjobabe]

Hey Beverleymot,

Mu daughter started having nightmares when we moved to Northern Ireland, she was around 2yrs at the time. I used to read her a story at bedtime which I hoped she would take with her into her dreams to stop her having nightmares, it seemed to work. It may be worth a try.

Good luck xx