Am I oversensitive?

[natalie_1982]

My baby is 10weeks old now, and is a proper little jabber - she's a gorgeous chunky little madam; she wasn't small at birth (just shy of 9lb) and I am really proud that she is gaining weight well and the health visitors are pleased with her.

However, it really really really really really (you get the picture) drives me insane that my father in law greets her with "Hello fatty". I know he means it endearingly but I just want to grab her back and scream "Well hello to you too you gappy toothed baldy!". When I was younger (less than 8years old) I had severe issues with my weight, looking back I really wasn't that big, never obese, but, just as I am now, I was never a skinny little waif. It is something I don't want my daughter to grow up with - I used to throw up if I had to eat in front of people because I got so frightened of eating in front of people who weren't my parents. Now, am I being oversensitive with regard to my FIL's comments? Is my defensive behaviour likely to make her more aware of her size (assuming she is chunky when she's bigger)? My FIL isn't the sort of person I could speak to by explaining my feelings as I have done above, because he would end up having a strop and not speaking to us and I don't want that. Or shall I bite my tongue and wait until baby Nat is talking and can respond for herself LOL. I can think of a few choice phrases I would teach her (only a bit joking there LOL) :-D

[andy-hughes]

No, you are not being over-sensitive.

This careless 'humour' has obviously awakened some distress from your past of which your FIL may well be unaware, but his heavy-handed humour is misplaced when used to the mother of the most beautiful baby in the world - which is any of them!

I think you are entitled to make your displeasure clear. When he says it, say firmly "Don't say that Fred, she doesn't like it ..." and he will no doubt say that she doesn;t understand. You can then reply, "No, but I do, and I'm stopping it becoming a habit before she does understand."

If he throws a strop, more fool him - and he can miss out on seeing his grand-daughter for however long before he sees that he is being insensitive.

Your first responsibility is to your child, then you, then your husband,. and your FIL is way down the list, so it's not fair that he is upsetting you, albeit unintentionally.

Failing that, ask your husband to have a quiet word with his dad and explain that you don't like the 'nickname' he is using, and would he like to think of something else.

Resolve this now - you have enough to cope with without this bothering you when there is no need.

[andrea81]

Awwww Nat, i would feel the same. My father-in law does it to my son who has ginger hair! Drives me mad. I tell him off though!

Thing is my little girl has big ears and he's already nicknamed her yoda! I've put a stop to it! Really not nice is it???

x x xx x x x x

[redcrx]

thats not oversensitive at all hun!

i havnt had weight issue when a child (just now) and id be upset if anyone that wasnt really close to bubs called her something like that. Mind you ive called her Chubby, Dimple (cos she only has one) Spikey (youve seen the hair) etc etc.

Start calling him Grumps and see how he likes his nickname :). If he complains then tell him its a pet name for grandad.

PS shes gorgeous so i know hes not meant it in an insulting way, but dont let it continue if it upsets you this way xx

[China Doll]

I think you are being overly sensitive but understandbly so given the history you've told us. It's a tough one, are you upset on your behalf or the babies who won't understand a word of it now but maybe would in a couple of years time. But the would FiL call her that when she could understand the words? It's a conumdrum.

For whatever reasons, it's distressing you so I'd go withAndy in asking your husband to have a discreet word. But as you have admirably done by posting this and looking for other opinions, in the future, just keep an open mind as to whether you're reacting based of your own emotions or in defence of your child.

(If it's any consolation, I wouldn't be that impressed either but at ten weeks I would think it's my own deamons talking. But since I'd be the mum of a ten week old, they could damn well pander to me a bit longer!)

[natalie_1982]

Awww, thanks everyone. I think I'll have a chat with MrNat and see if he thinks it best that I speak to his dad or he does it himself. It's hard sometimes to take a step back and wonder whether you're being over anxious or irrational!

Thanks again xx

[Psychick]

A few weeks ago, I was at a coffee morning with my baby at my daughters school. One of them mums commented on baby being big for her age and I just said "really?" But inside I was seething! lol She is average and totally in proportion (except her big head lol) the only thing chubby on her is her thighs! So for me to react (inside) they way I did, I think it is totally understandable your feelings given the circumstances.

Maybe next time he says it, you or MrNat could say in a light hearted way " awww, thats not nice, you will give her a complex" and see if he takes the hint. If it doesnt work and he continues to say it, again in a light hearted way, say to him youre going to teach her to say "hello baldy"!

[brenda]

Simpler than all the theory, next time just punch him in the face ,adding that "little fatty "can pack quite a punch when she's upset.!

Too right you should be upset, the man's a moron.

[warpig3]

Hi nat, firstly, all babys are beautiful be they big, small, hairy (the piglet), big hands, big feet etc.

I am sure you FIL does not meant any harm and is using it as a term of endearment. He (I presume) is not to know that you were 'bigger' as a child and would not wish to cause offence. Please try to rise above it but if you feel you cant then get mrNat to have a word in his shell like.

I call the piglet many things ie smelly, pee pee bum, poo shoes, toots, lugs (she has big ears, like me) and lots of others. But its ok for me to do that, not so sure I would be happy if someone else called her those things!

warpig and poo shoes xxx

[terambulan]

When your FIL calls your girl 'fatty' say "do you think so, am I over-feeding her" he will then have to question his name-calling.

Hopefully he will see his error!

[natalie_1982]

Thanks for all your answers, we, too, have nicknames that aren't exactly flattering for her Warpig, but like you say - it's ok for me to do it because she's mine! Also I think there is a big difference if he was to greet her with something like porker or sausage than "Fatty"; that's just plain cruel!

P.S. Baby Nat has flappy ears like me too. I'm painting a really nice picture of us both now aren't I? LOL.

[warpig3]

But are hers hairy? the piglets are, she is a bit like an elf at the moment, poor thing.

[natalie_1982]

Yes they are hairy! Bless her cottons. I thought she might have lost the ear fur by now, and she has such dark hair that it's really noticeable, poor lamb!

[elaine33]

Hi
I am sorry your FIL is such an ignorant man. I do not think your are being oversensitive and if you wanted your baby to be called Fatty that is what you would have called her. So, my suggestion is next time he greets her with 'hello Fatty' just say to him, her name is ******** (sorry I do not know what her name is). don't make an issue of it, just be firm and clear that she is to be called by her given name. If he persists, then you do the same but never lose your temper or get into a row over it as he will do it all the more if he realises it makes you cross. Just be clear, and when he is around always call your baby by her name and no pet names so that he gets the message. Hope this helps. Meantime enjoy being a mummy, and be glad to have such a wonderful gift.