am i so unreasonable?????

[gossipgirl]

ive posted on here before how my desire to have another baby is not as strong as my partners, we have a boy and a girl and io think thats the perfect balance. My son {his stepson} is nearly 9 and my daughter is 16 months and i just think having another child will complicate things such as we would eventually need to get a bigger house, car, we need more money etc, the list goes on!
Im a stay at home mam and my partner works but i myself would like to return to work full time as soon as my daughter is in school, i woul;d like to learn to drive bbut my partner says we cant afford it, i want to go to uni to study but again my partner goes on about lack of money, it makes no sense to me that we cant afford to do the things that i would like to do , that would be beneficial to us, and yet we can somehow in his opinion afford another child.
Anyway i told him how i feel last night and have put my foot down saying that there will no more babies until ive done something for ME for a change, which ihas resulted in him not speaking to me now, i dont think im being unreasonable, infact i think im being sensible about the situation.

[sara3]

I'm on your side. he obviously is desperate for another child, but isn't thinking ahead.

are you saying not now, or never?

[noway2]

He sounds a bit controling to me.He should be supporting you .Why cant he let you do what you want.Then tell him in the future you will reconsider having another baby.Thats if YOU want to.

[ummmm]

I'm with Sara.......you could end up resenting it.

How old are you?

[gossipgirl]

im 27 and hes 37. i can kind of see where hes coming from as our daughter is the only biological child in his family, he has no nieces and nephews. Im not saying never im just saying that i want to do things for myself first before i even think of another baby.

[ummmm]

You're a stay at home Mum, if you don't want one yet then don't do it. You're not being unreasonable.

[danchip]

could you possibly work from home/online etc earn some extra money to pay for your driving lessons yourself and then he cant moan about not affording it.

[caththecrazy]

Unless you both want a baby yolu shouldn't have one.

If you want to go to uni and learn to drive that much you will find away.

When I left school I put myself through uni and couldn't go home to live in the holidays- had several jobs on the go at once - to survive - yes it was hard but I was determined to do it, no easy feat as I have a medical problem which rears his ugly head every so often.

If the worst comes to the worst can't you study at the open university? Isn't that cheaper? Can't you work nights? or do an Avon round or Ann Summers?

[annie0000]

Would he be prepared to do the childcare while you work/study? If so, would that change your view? I agree that it is not the thing to do to bring another child into your family if it is not something that you both want, however, if you think that you will want another at some time, personally, I would have it now so that you can get them both of to school while you are still young enough to pursue an education/career. I would say that if you want to learn to drive, you get that sorted out first, It is not fair to leave you with 3 children and not being able to drive (even if you don't always have access to the car)

[Androcles]

I am a bit suspicious of the motives here. This looks like he really wants a stay at home mum to look after him and the children and another one will keep you there for a few more years at least. If so, this is not a good basis for a long term relationship if you want to do other things and he doesn't want you too. One of you is going to end up very discomforted to put it mildly. The thing that makes me really suspicious is him not wanting you to drive.

So what do you do? I think you need to have a definitive talk about what he really wants and for him to understand what you want. Any man with a modicum of brain is not going to want an unhappy and resentful wife because she is chained to the house and unable to develop herself.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and neither should he if he thinks about it seriously.