How to tackle a problem with 10 yr old being nasty to 1yr old baby

[LittleMissxx]

Hi , I have 3 children. Daughter 12, son 10 and baby boy 1 this week. Of late my elder son has been doing really nasty things to the baby. I have tried the softly softly approach, thinking its probably down to jealousy and re-enforcing how much we love him but also letting him know that hurting the baby is totally unacceptable. It aint working though. He does sneaky things like pulls the rug from under him so he falls, pokes him in the face whilst im driving, and yesterday he had a hand held fan, i told him not to go near the baby with it as it was dangerous, then he gave it to him whilst it was on !! I asked why he would do such a thing knowing it would hurt him. He said he was angry. I said if he was angry he should talk to me, not hurt a defenceless baby that loves him. I told him it was bullying , and if he was angry he wouldnt hurt someone bigger than him so to hurt someone smaller is cruelty. He said he cant help it. I feel im being to soft and am really concerned about the pair of them. I obviously cant leave them alone together which is sometimes difficult when cooking etc, my eyes cant be everywhere. My eldest son does not see his own father so i do believe its jealousy but im at a loss how to tackle it. Any ideas greatly appreciated..... and SOON

[Androcles]

Sorry to ask this, but are there different fathers involved here between the youngest and the older children?

[aims1202]

seen it now! I don't know if it will work for you but what i do with Liam, who is 6, is have a few house rules eg being kind and gentle to everyone, looking after things, talking nicely and talk about these asking why they are important and what happens if they are broken. Unless he does something really bad i give him a chance to change his behaviour then i would take away something he loves, i then give him the chance to earn it back if he is really good for a while after. I also put him out the room if i feel he needs to calm down. I always try to talk calmly but as though i am not happy. I rarely have to do this though. Most of the time i will give praise to every little good thing he does, Liam seems to need praise, so i try to notice all the little things, like asking nicely, being kind to Riya, helping me etc. He also gets rewards like treats, stickers etc for good things. I also give him responsibilties around the house, like taking plates in, hoovering own room and he gets pocket money for jobs. He is much younger than your son though so might not help you. Is he interested in helping you with Theo at all? If he is it might be good to encourage it, giving him positive things to do instead. If he says he's angry i guess he may need to talk about this to someone he trusts, an older male who he looks up to maybe? I am very close to my friends daughter who is 9, she often talks to me instead of her mum as i think she finds it easier. Hope it gets better for you x

[LittleMissxx]

yes, all three have different fathers. My daughter is away with hers at the moment. My eldest son has never seen his dad, so my husband took the role on when we met three years ago.

[annie0000]

Is there anything else going on with him? Is it possible that he is being bullied at school and taking his frustrations out on someone who can't hit back?

[LittleMissxx]

he did have some bullying at school last year, had a learning mentor but since going back in September seemed to be much happier.