Am I being unfair??

[brenda67]

To cut a long story short, my 16 yr old daughter wants to fo to a 4 day music festival (camping) with a few friends. Venue is about 3hr drive away. Ticket is £220 which at the minute she does not have. I have said a very firm no.. she went out with friends 2 months ago and was brought home in only what i can call a state, lost shoes, was sick and was almost unconscience (sp) . Since I said no she has not spoken to me (going into 3rd day) breaking my heart as we so close. She is speaking to her dad and sis but Im being the big bad wolf.. Her KIDS!!!!
B x

[brenda67]

Again many thanks, as yet I havent spoken to the other parents, but as child wont be going I now dont see a need to talk to them, I honestly dont care if their kids go but I will be able to sleep well in my bed knowing my daughter isnt going. At the minute, as the old saying goes, we have buried the hatchett but the handle is still sticking out!! Its amazing the impact a row can have on the entire family. We are speaking on a need to know basis, ie shes going to work, will be back at 9pm etc. Someday she will appreciate what im doing( I can live in hope!!)

B x

[dee2912]

NO i wudnt say your being unfair at all, but i think your husband and other daughter should side with you and sit your daughter down and explain how you feel an that she is only 16 once she hears it from the rest of the family maybe she will realise then, hope it works out for you

[annie0000]

Seems you are sorted for this time brenda - next time maybe try some reverse psychology. Tell her that the festival sounds great, so that you have booked for you all to go as a family or that she can go as long as you get to go as well. I can't imagine she will want to go with her Mum there.

[Sqad]

Parenting is not a popularity contest.......these are the rules whilst you are under my roof and if you don't like them.............bu99er off.

[Barney's pal]

Stick to your guns. I bet you find if she does mix with kids from similar homes their parents wouldn't dream of letting them go, so her friends wouldn;t be allowed. She's just trying to really stretch the boundries.

[nennyc]

Hello Breda, I've just turned 17 and went to a 4 day music festival in the summer and it was one on the best times of my life. Though I don't come home in "a state" I did go with some friends that have done in the past. We camped on one of the more wilder campsites but everyone was sensible and safety concious. My dad is a festival goer so went aswell though he did not camp with us. I was allowed to camp for the weekend because my dad was there incase of an emergency. He did his own thing and I did mine and we did occasionally meet up to see each other for a bit. Some of my friends weren't allowed to go and reacted in the same way your daughter is. Though now they are 17 or turning 17 this summer they are allowed to go. I understand your reasons for not letting your daughter go but she is missing out on a fun, memorable time so I understand how she feels. Maybe you or her father could go with a group of your friends just to be onhand as a precaution. Or maybe allow her to get a day ticket if this festival does them. My friends that weren't allowed to go for the weekend got day tickets. I'm going to 2 big festivals in July and August and would hate the thought that I'm missing out on all the fun. Maybe if she earned the trust to go in the time before the festival? If there is no any photo ID on the ticket then you could probably sell the ticket for double the price on the internet is she didn't earn the trust.

[madmaggot]

There is absolutely no way that I would have let a child of mine go to an event such as this at the age of 16, regardless of how sensible or not they were. Your job is to be a parent to your children, not their best friend! Say no and mean it, she will thank you when she is a little older. It seems that you would have been wise to have exercised a little more parental control previously but at least you have learnt by that incident.
When I disagreed with some ruling of my parents and whined about it not being fair I was just told 'life's not fair and the sooner you get used to that the happier you will be'!

[ummmm]

I cooked for her today, and she threw it in the bin,

^^^ I wouldn't cook for her again.

[Ankou]

i think the fact that it is £220 they didn't have would have resulted in a flat no from me.
the tantrums just exacerbate the blanket ban.

i agree with dee though, your husband should be supporting you in this, or at least taking the sterner approach.

[brenda67]

Thanks all
Havent been on for a few days as I have been busy. Things seem to have returned to normal and harmony has been restored thankfully, festival not mentioned again. Its not possible for 1 day pass, festival in Dublin area and due to my husbands work and me owning my own business, us going is not an option. I appreciate everyones input although I thoug ht this comment was a tad harsh
It seems that you would have been wise to have exercised a little more parental control previously but at least you have learnt by that incident.

Parenting does not come with a hand book unfortunately, and as I said before the eldest at 21 turned out ok so I must be doing something right!!

Cheers
B